Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Life as the single child

Every post that I write myself cannot and will not have the entertainment value that I know a couple of my early readers enjoy. Sometimes I need to share what's weighing on me.

I'm working on some things in my life these days. One of the things I'm really dealing with right now is being the single child. Not the only child, the single child.

Admittedly, it's kind of getting to me right now. And it's not really the loneliness of being single that's getting to me at this point. I struggle with that too. What really is eating at me right now is my place in the family as the single child. It's not that it's a new position for me. Officially, I've held that position for about 9 years.

The single child is the one who has to go along with whatever the rest of the family does in order to keep the peace.

The single child is the one who is told when her birthday will be celebrated because it's what's convenient for everyone else, and when it's when your nieces can make it. Because after all, your birthday is not about you even for 1 day out of 365 each year.

The single child is the one that is told, we're not having Christmas until who really knows when because it's your brother's ex-wife's year to have the kids and we're not going to do anything until he gets them back three days after Christmas. (And who knows if we get to do it that day either.)

The single child is the one who tends be treated more like a child because she's around more, and doesn't have a family of her own.

The single child is the one that is expected to be around more because she has been there in the past, but is really ready to break free in some ways.

Like I said, it's not a new position. It's just weighing on me more these days. I'm sure that the fact that my brother re-married and now has primary custody of 4 children instead of 2 has something to do with it.

I don't want to sound selfish or petty or childish, but it is wrong for someone to at least recognize the fact that you are in a position through no fault of your own, and yes, it can be a cruddy position to be in?

So, next week, I'm off Tuesday-Sunday. Call me, email me, comment here - I'll come celebrate Christmas with you.

3 comments:

danielle said...

I feel your pain. I am in the same position & it's weird because I do have a kid and yet, I am sometimes still treated as though I were 16 and incapable of an intelligent thought of my own or the ability to make a decision. Yes, admittedly, I DO struggle with making decisions and there are times when I give in just keep peace in the family and all the while I am wondering, "When will it ever be my turn to call the shots" -- this is MY control-freak, obessive, anal-retentive, perfectionist side coming out & I'm the baby of the fam.... hmmmm....

Audra said...

Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. I'm really struggling right now. What I need to do is address it with my parents, but I really don't want the drama. I'm going to have to voice something over this next week though. Wish me luck!

Wendi B. - Wendi's Book Corner ~ Rainy Day Reads in Seattle said...

Ugh! Audra - I feel for you!! I am an only child, and until 2006 (Christmas Eve to be exact) we (husband and I) had no children, so we were always told where and when . . . .

It's not much different now, because if we want to see anyone, we have to work around their schedule. . . . hmmm - so not fair! Wish you were in Washington State - I'd invite you over for our son's second birthday on Christmas Eve (along with a candlelight service) and Christmas Brunch and whatever else happens!

:) Wendi