Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Young and the Breathless

In case you haven't noticed, my family is crazy.

I forgot - did I blog that I thought I had killed Princess Fish the other day? I don't think that I did. Princess had been more vertical than horizontal, gulping for air, over the past week or so. I had delayed changing out the water in the fish bowls thinking that the girls were going to come pick up the fish for a few days when they went to their mom's.

As a total side note, has any one else ever had custody exchanges with goldfish? Only me, I'm sure.

Anyway, I decided, ok, this water needs to be changed. So, I put the net in try to catch the lethargic fish - and the net wasn't floating out either. Finally, I scoop her and put her into a cup of water. The fish goes into the cup nose down, and pretty much stays in the cup that way and doesn't bother to swish around.

I pour out the smelly old water, fill it with clean water, and pour the cup of water into the bowl. The fish sure doesn't do much to swim back into the bowl. I pretty much had to empty the cup before she came out.

The fish is still lethargic, and I nudge her with the net to see if she'll move. At one time, the fish is at the bottom of the bowl lying still, with neither her mouth nor gills moving. "Good grief, I've killed Peyton's fish," is what I am thinking. I nudge her again with the net, trying to see if she'll go back towards the top to gulp air since that is what she had been doing. This evidently knocks air into her, but I've never seen a fish labor so hard to breathe while floating in water. I went to bed thinking, "well, when I get up to go to church tomorrow, I guess once I get there, I'm going to have to tell Peyton her fish is dead." Luckily, she survived the night.

So, the girls picked up Princess and Floppy Jr. on Monday. On Tuesday, Paige called that they were tired of shuffling the fish back and forth and that they were going to look into getting a feeder that would keep the fish fed while they are at their dad's which is most of the time.

Last night, on my way home from church, I get a phone call.

"Hello?"

"Oh my goodness, we think Princess is pregnant!"

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"Are you sure she's preganant? Becuase the other day, I thought she was dead."

"Yeah, we think that's why she was acting like that, but there's something coming out of her."

I'm thinking - poop? Maybe she's just been constipated and that's why she was acting like that. Besides, how long can the gestation period be for a fish. She had Floppy have been in their own bowls for weeks.

"Maybe she's laying eggs..." Paige continues.

"Well yeah, she might be laying eggs, but she actually can't be pregnant because fish lay eggs."

"Maybe that's it..."

"Let me talk to your mom a minute."

"Hey!," Joni replies.

"Uh, the fish might be laying eggs, but can't be pregnant. Some fish give live birth, but when I was looking up to see if the fish were male or female, I read that goldfish lay eggs and spawn. But I don't really want to give your 10 year old daughter a sex ed lesson over the phone."

She laughs, and says, "oh, ok, I can handle the laying eggs part. I think she's ok now."

I called my mom to relay the story, but she was too busy trying to fix the VCR because she ran out of tape while recording America's Got Talent. The show wasn't over and everyone knows all you have to do is watch the last 5 minutes of a result show. That's all I watched of it.

The reason why she ran out of tape was because A) she's the only person I know that still records anything on a VCR and B) how could she possibly live without watching a day of Young and the Restless. She has to be the only person that still records it daily.

What she needs is a new cable service that has Tivo or the Soap Opera Network so that she can watch it at night when it comes on. Or, while she is doing her ancestry, she can watch it online.

Speaking of Ancestry, she discovered back on my Dad's side, down the same line branch that was related to the Harrison presidents, I'm also the 26th cousin 5 times removed to Jimmy Carter. Actually, she has not counted how far out he was yet because she ran out of time before going to church last night.

You know what? Noah was my some number grandfather. After all, we're all related somehow.

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