Monday, January 19, 2015

There should be a jar for kisses


What craziness will Farmer Chris face tonight? Will Ashley S. survive another week?

This week may be more interesting than last week with the Jimmy Kimmel in middle of the dates. The previews have the women calling Chris on all of his kissing. You go girls!

The show opens with Jimmy Kimmel waking Chris up one morning. He's not quite sure what to think being woken up in this manner. While he shakes himself from a deep sleep, Jimmy wanders over to the mansion to greet the "sister wives." Jimmy claims he's going to take each woman to the fantasy suite to try them out for Chris.

Jimmy institutes the "Amazing Jar." Every time a woman says "amazing," they have to put a dollar in the jar. He has a point. The word is overused.

Jimmy and Chris Harrison leave the ladies to read the first date card.

"Dear Kaitlyn -- You and Chris are about to join an exclusive club. Sweeping views, vaulted ceilings..."

When they head out on the date, Chris has no clue where they are going. Their limo pulls up at Costco. Well, you do have to have a membership.

A note from Jimmy includes a shopping list. They are supposed to be cooking dinner for Jimmy that night, so need to be prepared. And buy enough ketchup to fill a hot tub. They buy tables, chairs, an office chair per Jimmy's request. Shopping is a very normal life activity, so you might as well make the best of it.

They find themselves squished up in an inflatable contraption and some kids roll them down the aisle. I'm surprised a massive make-out session didn't ensue.

Kaitlyn enjoys the normalcy of the date and thinks cooking together is romantic. I would think it would be a chore. While they are waiting for Jimmy to arrive, they sit around and chat. And kiss because this is Chris who kisses everyone. (At least Juan Pablo didn't do that.)

Once they really get caught up in their make out session, Jimmy arrives. Jimmy quizzes Kaitlyn which is probably a good way to learn more about her. She's dated a farmer before.  He even sits between the two of them at the table and asks uncomfortable questions revolving the fantasy suite and sex. They try to make jokes, but at the root are probably uncomfortable.

Back at the mansion, another date card arrives

"Britt, Jillian, Becca, Tracy, Mackenzie, Kelsey, Amber, Ashley S., Juelia, Samantha, Nikki, and Carly. Are you ready to meet some really party animals? Best regards, Jimmy."

Carly has not had a date yet and is sure this one is going to be AMAZING. Insert dollar into jar. 

Back on the date, Jimmy pulls out the date rose. Chris starts this sappy speech, only to be interrupted by Jimmy. Chris throws out some AMAZINGs and owes the jar some money. He does manage to ask her to accept the date rose. They end up finishing their make out session in the hot tub minus ketchup. Oh, there's Jimmy on the other side of the hot tub. Proof the whole show is staged.

Evidently, while everyone else goes about their daily activities, Jillian is working out all day every day. Just another way to intimidate the others. She's kind of scary. After that strangely timed look into Jillian, we arrive on the group date.

Jimmy introduces the women to some insane version of the farming Olympics. Jillian is ready to compete (and her butt is always sticking out of her shorts - black box again). The first round is shucking corn.

Jillian is the first to finish her corn and move on to the chicken round. The women have to get an egg from the chicken coop and break it into a frying pan without breaking the yolk (which disqualifies Mackenzie).

Six women make it to the goat milking stage, where they not only have to get enough milk to fill a jar up to a line, they have to drink it. Carly is the first to the chug her milk. Kelsey has to gag hers down.

The next round is shoveling a wheelbarrow full of manure. Then the first four who finish have to chase and catch a big.

Carly is first. (The other competitors were Jillian, Kelsie and I'm not really sure. I don't recognize the back of her head yet, but I think it was Samantha. It could have been Nikki.) UPDATE: It was Nikki. She liked a picture I posted on Instagram with a #bachelor hasthtag and had her own pic up from the segment.

See Wikipedia
Part of Carly's prize is to pose with Chris for a recreation of Grant Wood's American Gothic painting. The artist was from Iowa, and it's a big deal in Iowa. (I saw huge statues when I was there.) It depicts a farmer and his old maid daughter. However, most people think it is husband and wife. Knowing it isn't husband and wife --- and people in Iowa probably know it --- I think ABC should have done their research.

The evening portion of the date can't even get started before Carly pulls him off to talk. She is not going to miss her opportunity to talk and get her kiss.

When Amber gets her chance to talk, she asks him to dance and pretend it is their wedding dance. They kiss too.

And he kisses the next girl... In his speech to the camera, he says that's what he's there for and will take advantage of the opportunities.

Mackenzie no longer feels special, assuming she got the first kiss on the first date. I don't know why you're so sure of that Mackenzie... I'm pretty sure you were NOT the first one in the house to kiss him. Britt took care of that on the very first night.

When Mackenzie has her turn to talk to Chris, she decides to be blunt and ask why he is kissing everyone. He hem haws a little trying to come up with an answer.

However, Britt is a little confused about how she feels about it knowing kissing Chris doesn't really make you special.

Becca thinks she is having a special moment before hugging him. She tells him she'd like to kiss him, but doesn't want to rush anything.

Back at the mansion, since Whitney didn't get a date last week (who would want to hear her voice for a whole date?), she is one of 5 hoping her name is on the next card.

"Dear Whitney... Today is going to be fun. No whining. XO Jimmy"

Ironic card given the sound of her whiny voice. 

At the end of the group date, it's time for the rose. Chris says AMAZING a couple of times, getting a ding sound effect each time. Becca gets the rose. It seems all the aggressive moves by Kaitlyn backfired on her.

The next day, Chris and Whitney are wearing matching pink to enjoy their day at a winery. Whitney asks what Chris is looking for in a woman. A girl who can roll the cob. He asks if she knows what that means. It's a go with the flow and shoot the breeze kind of person.

Behind them, a wedding is starting. She decides she wants to crash it and catch the bouquet. YOLO! she claims. He's more nervous about crashing than she is. It's broad daylight at that point, so they must have just been setting up at the time. That evening, they have changed clothes, bought a gift and show up at the reception.

Nervous that someone might recognize Chris, they make up a story that they have already filmed the show, and the two of them are now engaged. They fake like they know the happy couple and dance the night away. After the awkwardness of talking to people, they appear to have had a terrific time. When is Jimmy going to show up on this date?

The amazing bell rings a lot. Someone owes the jar some money.

Whitney, of course, gets the rose. She plans to invite Nick and Shannon to their wedding.

Jimmy Kimmel is back in the next scene, showering with Chris in the outdoor shower, so I really don't understand why he didn't show up at the wedding.

Jimmy does his best Chris Harrison, telling the women there will not be a cocktail party tonight. Instead there will be a pool party today.

Ashley I. is upset that she doesn't get to try out her Kardashian look at the party tonight.

When Chris arrives, they all become obsessed with his abs. Kaitlyn describes it as sharks on a sea lion.

Juelia wants to pull Chris away to talk more about her situation and her husband's suicide. She goes into lots of detail. It's very awkward. I'm not sure why she goes into so much detail, but he handles her well.

Britt gets all touchy feely with Chris and won't let him talk for sticking her lips all over him.

Jade feels behind the game. She is because I forgot she was there. She asks him for a tour of his house. Jillian decides to follow them and wait in Chris' hot tub.

Jade confesses that she doesn't have a big personality like some of the others, so she hopes that doesn't hurt her. Side note: her heels are ridiculous, especially for her bikini. While Jillian is out waiting at the hot tub, Jade and Chris try to jump on the bed and have their make out session.

Ashley I. also claims to not having the clingy, bold personality, so she decides to hunt him down, and brings some friends (Megan and Mackenzie). When Jillian says she just started her time, the three wander off to wait. After a little while, they come back to try to run Jillian off.

Ashley gets way too upset about Jillian and starts crying about it the fact Jillian won't share and leaves.

Mackenzie comes back and updates the rest of the women on Jillian the hot tub hog. Then, Chris comes back and asks about Ashley. Ashley promptly leads him up stairs and away from everyone to talk on a balcony. She starts some kind of odd hysterical crying. He doesn't really know what she's talking about, but says he found it to be awkward with Jillian too. It isn't long before she is putting the moves on him. She isn't half as inexperienced as she says she is. She does a 180* in nothing flat and is convinced they have the best chemistry.

After a while, Chris Harrison arrives overdressed in a suit to announce it is time for Chris to prepare for a rose ceremony.

Jimmy adds a few words of wisdom before the ceremony begins.

There are 15 women hoping for roses -- other than the three who have already received one (Kaitlyn, Becca and Whitney).
  1. Jade
  2. Samantha
  3. Juelia
  4. Mackenzie (who thought she might have been going home)
  5. Kelsey
  6. Britt (who wasn't first tonight for a change)
  7. Megan (who was afraid he had forgotten about their first date)
  8. Carly
  9. Ashley S. (where was her crazy tonight?)
  10. Nikki
  11. Jillian (we have to see her black box covered butt for at least one more week)
  12. Ashley I. (on confidence level 9 going in, but sweating it out in the end)
Going home are Amber, Trina and Tracy. (The latter two sure didn't stand out.)

Next week, it looks like there may be surprises. I think Ashley S. passes the crazy baton to Ashley I.

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