Monday, January 12, 2015

Who hasn't The Bachelor kissed after the second episode?


So how about that preview of the season? Do you have the final 3 figured out yet?

I was in the process of pulling the share code for that video and wanted to compare it to the video I posted last week. When I played the video from last week's post, I have no idea what the heck it was showing. Some comedy with medieval royals? Oh, I guess it was Galavant. NOT what I intended to post. I think that ABC pulled tricks on the video. So sneaky. So unfair.

Before I forget, I'm also super annoyed that we had to sit through the live conversations with Andi and Josh last week only to hear their announcement that they are no longer together a few days later. I knew something different about him. He was awful quiet. #lastpaidengagement

So, tonight's episode picks up where last week's ended. Kimberly wants to talk to Chris before she really leaves. She didn't get a rose, and she evidently wants another chance. They step out into the daylight and she tells him she felt they didn't get a chance to talk and doesn't want the opportunity to slip through her fingers. Talk about putting him on the spot!

Chris says he doesn't know what to say. He goes to Harrison to talk about what to do. Harrison tells him there are no rules, so it is whatever he wants to do with his life. Chris doesn't know what kind of message it will send. He brings her back in saying that he is going to give her another chance. The women are aghast, but do a "slow clap."

Dear Kimberly - the women will be after you!

Later that day - because the arrival/cocktail party/rose ceremony lasted all night, Harrison asks Chris if he remembers anything from the night before. He says it was all a blur.

All 23 of the ladies are gathered when Harrison comes in to talk to them. The big mistake he tells is that Chris is living right down the driveway, so you know what that means. The bad thing is he has an outdoor shower, so he will have peeping Sue's all over the place. He leaves the first date card and runs off.

The date card reads, "Jade, Tandra, Ashley I., Mackenzie, Kimberly, and Tara -- Show me your country. - Chris." 

While the group gives a little cheer with each name, there is silence for Kimberly. She better sleep with one eye open.

The women arrive in downtown LA to have a pool party. The first conversation we see is one with Kimberly. She hopes to make a better impression today than the first one she made. She's all giddy.

Meanwhile back at the mansion, Jillian and Megan decide to go check out Chris' house. What's super annoying is that a black box follows Jillian's bottom half everywhere she goes. What the heck is up with her swimsuit?

For some reason, Megan puts on Chris' motorcycle and rams her head into the walls, etc. She's admittedly killing brain cells, and I wonder how many she had to begin with.

Back to the date, all the girls are walking around in their swimsuits in downtown LA until they come upon tractors. They are going to have tractor races in middle of the streets. I feel sorry for people trying to get to work or anywhere else they need to be in middle of Los Angeles.

When he blows the air horn to start the race, they putter along. Meanwhile, Chris drinks a cup of coffee. Evidently no one can actually drive a tractor.

To the mansion again... Juelia reveals that she has a daughter and that her husband had committed suicide. The group around her seems sincerely caring about her situation, including Samantha.

Opposite of the somber conversation is Ashley sitting on Chris' lap after winning the tractor race. The rest of the women are already staring down at the date rose sitting on the table. He tells all the women that it's tough to date 6 women, and would like to give them all a chance, but he wants to take one woman on a date for the rest of the night. He invites Mackenzie to spend some time with her, so off they go.

Tara is probably going to go off and drink her sorrows away. Ashley was confident about the rest of the evening, until now.

Chris takes Mackenzie to a bar - she's barely legal if you recall. She asks him if he ever had his ears pierced, noticing where he had holes in the past. She tells him that she's into big noses, and his is perfect. This makes him self-conscious, but at least the subject changes quickly when Mackenzie asks if he believes in aliens. He says he doesn't know. Chris does not feel that Mackenize is a good first date conversationalist. I am sure that comes from lack of experience.

Meanwhile, Ashley and Whitney sit around at the mansion talking about whether or not they should stay up until MacKenzie gets back. Ashley talks about how nervous Mackenzie was to tell Chris about her son.

Mackenzie says she hasn't been on a date in so long - like a year. (I need not to reveal how long it has been for me.) She tells him the reason why she hasn't been dating in so long is hard to say. She mutters along about spitting out why -- she has a child. Chris looks nervous, and then says it's awesome. I think that was actually a relief for him considering how she was acting. Then, conversation starts revolving around her son and passionately shares with him. All of a sudden, she can talk. Chris gives her the date rose. At 12 years older than her, I guess he figures that it is a good thing that she is family minded already.

When the doorbell rings at the mansion, all the women rush to find out what the next date card says.

"Megan - Love is a natural wonder. - Chris"

She dumbly thinks it's just a note. She doesn't realize it is a date card. Has she ever watched the show? Duh.

The next morning as Megan prepares for her date, the women all sit around listening to Mackenzie recount her date and how many times he kissed her.

Britt tells the camera she was trying to put on her happy face while listening. Amber and Whitney really didn't want the details.

Chris arrives to take Megan off. I don't recall much about her, and he tells the camera they didn't have much of a chance to talk before.

She clutches his hand in the limo and on a small plane before they land in Vegas to take a helicopter to the Grand Canyon. They land along the river at the bottom of the canyon. (I wish I could have seen the canyon from the bottom on the one afternoon I went to the canyon.

As they sit for a picnic along the brown, sludgy Colorado River, he compliments her blue eyes as the prettiest in North America or something like that. She tells him about her boss recommending her do the show, but right before she came, her father had a massive heart attack and died.

He is already saying something about seeing a future with her and a perfect day with a perfect person. Huh? Seems premature. And he is going to get mono quickly after kissing everyone.

Back at home, the rest of the women are all staged, sitting around the table waiting for the next date card.

"Kelsey, Trina, Alissa, Tracy, Jillian, Becca, Amber, Ashley S., Jeulia, Kaitlyn, Britt - Til death do us part. - Chris."

Given you can tell it is not a man's handwriting on any of these cards, the producers probably pick the people anyway.

That night the two limos full of the 11 women arrive somewhere in the darkest dark. The women are freaked out about this being their worst fear. Vampires and/or zombies lurk around the cars freaking the women out. Then Chris comes up.

Everyone is divided into teams of three and given paintball guns to go out and hunt zombies. Ashley S., aka Onion Girl, is confused about the rules and how they are not supposed to shoot anyone. Now the women really fear for their lives.

It's a good thing no one is allowed to shoot them because the women are actually wearing something other than their swimsuits tonight. The whole time Ashley is her crazy self and all the girls are wondering what she might do.

Mackenzie and Megan (at least I think it's Megan) have given themselves facials worthy of zombies. Meanwhile Jordan comes dancing in drunk. Mackenzie says she's been that way for days.

Jordan drunkenly makes fun of Jillian's hairy butt (maybe that's what the black boxes were covering). It's odd. Very odd.

Back on the date... Ashley is acting strange and everyone is leery of her, especially Becca.

We see Chris and Kaitlyn have a conversation. His firecracker. His word for her for the season. For her last relationship, she moved around with her boyfriend, including Germany for seven months last year. They too share a kiss. He's going to have mono by the end of the night.

Chris offers Ashley a chance to talk, but she wants to hide. I think she's high. They go wander around the paint ball course. Chris admits to the camera he has never met anyone quite like Ashley. "She's beautiful and has moments of intelligence, then..." Then, he thinks she's off in crazy land. He really doesn't know what to think of her.

Once he escapes Ashley, he takes some time with Britt. She wants to know if the connection is still there on his end. I still don't like Britt. He's still smitten and gave her a gift. She gets a free kiss card.

When it comes time for the date rose, he gives the rose to Kaitlyn. 

Then, comes the night of the cocktail party and rose ceremony. The battle for one-on-one time commences.

Whiny-voice Whitney is concerned about the number of roses being handed out this week.  She has set up a note and gift for him next to the fire. She gave him a bottle of his favorite whiskey since they didn't get a date this week.

Ashley I. (not the onion girl), Mackenzie and Megan are talking. Ashley admits to having never had a boyfriend and being a virgin. Mackenzie is jealous thinking that this is a great advantage for Ashley, one that having a child, she obviously doesn't have. Megan thinks that Ashley should wait to reveal this information at the fantasy suite down the road.

When Ashley and Chris go off to talk, she asks if he noticed her Princess Jasmine belly button ring. He did. (She's pulling it out now while wearing a mid-driff bearing outfit which I don't think is her first of the kind.) She says she gets to grant him three wishes on her belly button ring because that isn't bizarre or anything. She wants to grant one right now. He wanted to kiss her on the tractor, but it was awkward. He rubs her ring and asks for a kiss. The way she is kissing, and how he has her rubbing her belly button ring, I'm not so sure she hasn't had a boyfriend. They are making out big time.

Britt is super jealous at this point. She already feels like he is HER boyfriend. Alissa has a sympathetic ear.

Amber gets why all the girls fall so fast. She gets her kiss. Jordan is screaming jealous. Trina speaks to Jordan's state of drunkenness, "bless her heart." Jordan is going to try to up her game, but her behavior rivals crazy Ashley. She's carrying on about her lipstick. He laughs off the level of awkwardness and doesn't grant a kiss.

None too soon, Harrison clanks his glass for rose ceremony time. How many of the 23 will stay?

Already with a rose...
  1. Makenzie
  2. Megan
  3. Kaitlyn
At the ceremony where Tara is already breathing heavy before anything happens again...
  1. Britt (really no surprise - always the first)
  2. Ashley I. (spot 5 which she desired)
  3. Trina
  4. Kelsey
  5. Samantha 
  6. Juelia (Jillian thinks he is saying her name and comes forward and trips/slides on the rug)
  7. Amber
  8. Tracy
  9. Jillian (carefully strutting after her embarrassment)
  10. Jade
  11. Nikki
  12. Becca
  13. Carly
  14. Whitney
  15. Ashley S. (FOR REALZ?!?! The last rose again this week. She's on the edge of non-glory.)
Going home are the drunk girls and one who was sent off last week.
  1. Tara (who is way too emotional)
  2. Jordan
  3. Kimberly (will she pull something this time?)
  4. Tandra
  5. Alissa
What will next week bring? Eerie music. A town car with Jimmy Kimmel arriving to help Chris. 

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