Part 2 of an interview with Jim Burns
and Jeremy Lee,
Authors of Pass It On: Building a
Legacy of Faith for Your Children
through
Practical and Memorable Experiences
Parents often experience a
"freak out" moment when they realize their children's view of God
will primarily come from what they learn at home. Most parents spend more time
helping their kids succeed at academics or athletics than infusing shared
spiritual experiences into the rhythm of everyday family life. While the idea
of strategically passing down our faith can seem intimidating, the annual Rites
of Passage Experiences contained in Pass
It On (David C Cook/ September 1, 2015/ISBN: 978-1434709073/$15.99), make it easy for families to
celebrate milestones from kindergarten through high school graduation.
Q: Why do you think some parents place more
emphasis on grades or athletics than spiritual development?
Burns: I think parents do want to help their kids grow spiritually, but they are
often caught up in busyness of life, which distracts them from the main goal of
faith development. They mean to, but they just don’t get around to it because
of the breathless pace of life in which the American family is living. The Pass It On experiences give parents an
easy opportunity to build into the spiritual formation of their family.
Lee: It’s easier to put an emphasis on
those things because there’s a clear action parents can take to help their
child improve. If I want my child to grow academically, then I can hire a
tutor. If I want my child to grow athletically, then I can hire a private
coach. If I want my child to grow spiritually, I can’t hire someone to do it
for me. I can’t outsource the spiritual development of my child. Spiritual
development is subjective and not concrete. One of the ways we want to serve
parents with Pass It On is to help give them concrete, shared spiritual
experiences they can lead their child through. It gets them started with
spiritual leadership in their home.
Q: What is a rite of passage, and how does it
help a child internalize a truth or lesson?
Burns: It’s simply celebrating a milestone in the life of a child and family.
Sometimes a rite of passage is very spiritual, and other times a rite of
passage is getting a driver’s license or learning to tell time. By celebrating
rites of passages along the way, it keeps faith present in the basic aspects of
life.
Lee: A rite of passage is an invitation to
something greater than yourself. It’s crucial for all cultures to extend an
invitation to things such as family and faith. In my opinion, it’s one of the
reasons our culture is struggling. The most common rites of passage in our
culture are a “sweet 16” birthday party and/or the loss of virginity. Those
aren’t invitations to something greater than themselves; those are invitations
to themselves. When parents invite their kids to faith through rites of passage
they are helping their child connect to God’s greater story.
Q: Would you describe one of the rites of
passages Pass It On encourages parents to experience with their kids?
Lee: I think my favorite one is the
manhood/womanhood ceremony in the 12th grade. It’s actually the one that
inspired everything. I was invited by a dad to his son’s manhood ceremony. His
son was turning 18, and the dad had invited a group of men to come and teach
him what a man of God looks like. The dad then asked his son to kneel down as
he went to the closet, got a Braveheart sword he had ordered off the Internet
and laid it on his son’s shoulder. Then he said, “Son, I have friends who are
30 and 40 years old who act like boys because no one ever told them they are
men. I’m telling you tonight that based on the authority given to me by God as
your dad, you knelt down as a boy, but you will rise as a man.” Can you imagine
what that son must have felt in that moment? He was unleashed into the world
with his father’s full blessing and a clear understanding of what a man of God
looks like.
Burns: My favorite is the purity code in middle school. Kids are making major
decisions that affect the rest of their life at a young age. We now know
without a doubt that the more positive, healthy sex education kids receive from
home, the less promiscuous they will be. It’s a really cool celebration that
gives parents and their kids the opportunity to talk about a really important
decision in their life. We ask kids to commit to the purity code, which says,
“In honor of God, my family and my future spouse, I commit to sexual purity.”
They learn how to:
-
Honor God with
their bodies.
-
Renew their minds
for good.
-
Turn their eyes
from worthless things.
-
Guard their hearts.
Q: Can you share a story of how you’ve
celebrated one of these rites in your own family? What feedback have you heard
from your children about the practice?
Burns: Cathy took each of my daughters away for their celebration of purity. She
took them to a nice dinner, bought them an outfit, stayed at a fun hotel.
During that time, she read them part of a book on purity. Each daughters’
reaction was different. Christy loved the information and dialog. She engaged.
Rebecca told Cathy what she was reading was “totally inappropriate” and to stop
reading. Heidi, our youngest, told Cathy that she wanted to go on the outing to
get the food, outfit and stay in the hotel, but her sisters had already filled
her in on all the juicy stuff in the book!
I also took each daughter on an
overnight before they could go on their first date. Amazing memories and
incredible conversation. It’s all about memories and traditions.
Lee: I’ve loved every time I’ve gotten to
lead one of my children through a rites of passage experience. My boys are 10
and 7, so I’ve focused on the elementary years. I guess my favorite so far was
the second grade rite, which is called “An Invitation to the Bible.” This is
where you invite your child, who should be a budding reader at this point, to engage
with the Bible in a more meaningful way. We bought my son Campbell a red Bible
that had a big lion on it. It was awesome! Our family and friends underlined
their favorite verses in the Bible, and then we presented it to Campbell. That
night when he was going to bed he went through the Bible sharing with us
everyone’s favorite verses. Even today, he treasures that Bible.
Q: What about families who are getting a late
start? Is it too late to build a legacy if your kids are in their teens
already?
Lee: It’s never too late. It’s always
better to do something rather than nothing. I tell parents to begin right where
you are. For some parents you may have to begin with an apology and a promise
that your spiritual involvement will increase in your child’s life. Also we
encourage parents to feel free to change the order of the rites of passage or
adjust the whole thing as needed for their family. The whole purpose of this
book is to inspire parents to lead their children spiritually. If they feel
inspired to do something differently or better, then we have done our jobs.
Burns: It’s never too late and never too early to begin. Pass It On works at any age. Begin the process wherever you want,
and grandparents can always lead the way by doing this with their grandkids.
