Let's just jump right into tonight's episode of The Bachelorette.
It's the morning after the first night, supposedly. Everyone knows that lasted way into the morning because it was daylight when the roses were handed out, so we're a day or two out.Claire's going on about Dale with all the heart eye emojis. 😍
Chris has a morning pow-wow talking to them about being able to talk to people without masks, etc. since they have been quarantined. He tells them that Claire has said her husband is in this room.
Chris reveals the first date card:
"Riley, Jordan, Yosef, Ivan, Ben, Bennett, Zack C., Zack J. and Dale... I'm looking for a guy who speaks to my heart."
They follow the path of hearts to wherever on the resort Claire is and give her hugs. Dale picks her up to twirl her around.
Claire put Dale on the group date because she couldn't wait to see him again.
They are going to figure out their love languages. They are going to speak to Claire's heart. The goal is to find out how the men express themselves, and if they can.
Ben is up first. He's pretty articulate. They go one after the other. Most impress Claire. She thinks most are sincere.She can't wait to hear from Dale.
He is not the most eloquent by a long shot.
The other men are sitting around the pool chilling when the guys from the group date go running back to their rooms, grabbing a gift that they had packed for Claire and go running back for the date.
She opens them one at a time. The guy that was obsessed with chess gives her a Queen from a set.
Another gives her a baseball from the last game he played in 2012.
Another gives her a t-shirt she can sleep in and smell him. I think it just came out of the suitcase because he didn't have anything else.
One guy brings something dog related.
Next love language is physical touch. Everyone has to put on a blindfold then hug her and she rubs on him.
Riley decides he's not going to hug. He's going to kiss up her arm. Claire says she knows who he is by his smell.
She thinks she knows all the guys already, even though they just met.
Dale is up, and she is giddy. All the other guys are uncomfortable.
The last love language will be quality time after they go and get dressed up.
It's cocktail party time! She can't wait to spend time with Dale, and I don't get why, at least not yet.
After a tiny bit of group chit chat, she asks if they should get the night started. No one volunteers first to pull her off. Claire has to pry.
Finally, Bennett volunteers. As they walk off, she asks why no one was eager to talk. She says the conversation is good, but there's something in the back of her mind. She wants to know why the men weren't eager to speak to her.
She gets up and goes back to the men. She wants to know why no one was trying to pull her away. Claire asks about the silence. She says that if they want to chum up, she can go home and go to bed. They claim they didn't know it was time to do that.
Dale claims he is on cloud 9 and has been since the beginning. After a few men speak up, Dale ends up pulling her away.
Riley and Yosef get into it because at one point Yosef says, "I'll speak for the group." Riley makes it clear to Yosef that he can speak for himself.
Claire thanks Dale for pulling her away. Truth is, she went away from Bennett just so she can talk to Dale.Claire tells him that even from this early on, she has feelings for him. He says the same thing, but I thinks he's just playing along. Kiss. Kiss.
The rest of the men are gathered waiting for the next date card. Blake feels like he is going to get the one-on-one.
"Jason... Love will set us free... Clare."
Blake was wrong. He's sad.
Back to the men on the date...
The guy she's talking to (Seriously, ABC can't give names at the bottom of the screen?) asks how she got here. Claire talks about the abusive relationship she left in order to do the show the first time. Oh, that was Zack C.
Riley apologizes for not jumping out of his seat to talk to her. He has her stand up and pretend they are dancing to Boyz II Men at the prom. He asks her what she's looking for in a husband. He says he checks the boxes and kisses her before going back to dancing.
You know, this kind of would have been more interesting with social distancing and masks.
At the end of the date, she sits them all down for a little speech and gives the date rose to Riley.
Dale really thought he was going to get the rose.
Yosef says that the hot-headed woman was not who he thought she was, and he may need to have a conversation with her.
Before going on their date, Claire sends Jason a note, asking him to write a letter to his younger self.
Jason isn't particularly looking forward to being vulnerable.
This date is an evening date from the get-go which is unusual. Clare learns Jason was also a football player and was once 100 pounds heavier. Clare asks if Jason watched her season with Juan Pablo. She says she just recently started opening up and letting go. Tonight, they are going to practice letting go. She asks if he wants to start with breathing or screaming. He chooses screaming.
The next exercise is to write down things that people have said about them or they believed about themselves that they need to let go.
They alternate back and forth. His words were: Manipulative. Selfish. Can't love. Insecure. Cold and mean.
Hers: Needy, hard to love, too picky, a *itch
They break their tablets to let them go.
It's time to pull out their letters. I'm as troubled by his letter to himself as the words he used to describe him in the last exercise.
Is Clare unconcerned? She starts to ask if there were some dark ugly stuff. He admits he's scared of letting demons out and if it's going to be too deep for her. Clare says it won't push her away. In the past, she went for the guy that was closed off and all those things on the tiles they broke.
He starts to open up about what he and his brother saw as kids. His parents have been together 35 years, but he isn't so sure they should have been. Clare says there's nothing that scares her.
Clare says she wants to know more about him, and gives him the rose.
Clare then pulls out the dress she wore at the end of her season with Juan Pablo. They burn the dress in the fire. That seems like an odd thing to do.
She claims the date the most successful first one-on-one ever.
WHAT? That date was odd and awkward.
The writers/producers botched that one up.
We don't see the reading of the group date card, but it said something about showing they had some balls or something like that. *headshake*
They start off in teams playing dodgeball. They are split in two groups. The winning team gets to head to the later part of the evening. The losing team heads home.
Clare decides they should play strip dodgeball.
(Time out for some math... 10 guys on this date, there were 9 on the first one, plus Jason is 20. There were three guys that had no date at all.)
Old what's his name that usually came on and did the sports commentary died recently, so he was unable to join this time. You know, the old actor who didn't know what was going on half the time.
Jay was the only man left on his team and takes out the three men of the other team. Blue team loses their shirts.
The red team takes out the blue again, and there go socks.
The blue team sucks. Clare wants to make it more even. Red team takes off the shirts and the blue team is down to their jock straps.
The red team wins four in a row. Blue strips on down and heads home, but not before Clare gets hugs.
I can't even tell you who was on what team other than Blake is on the defeated blue team. Demar too, I think.
As the Twittersphere is saying, if this was a man doing this to women, it would not be accepted. Sadly, I can't say that I'm surprised.
The men back home want to know what's going on when the blue team gets back home. Some men are laughing. Others like Bennett are not amused at all.
The five men from the red team thought this was a great date.
The first man to speak up and pull Clare off is Eazy. He gives her a foot massage with her shoe on. That's kind of weird.
Chasen was bullied as a kid for being short. That's all I got out of his time. He got a fairly decent makeout session.
Back at the resort, Blake is steamed. He wants some time. He didn't appreciate the walk of shame home and no time.
Jay wants his own gym. That's where the conversation was when Blake interrupts. Blake asks for some time, and Jay says, "Didn't you lose?" He eventually gives in.
Jay goes and tells the rest of the guys that Blake showed up. Some of the guys don't believe him.
Blake knows he's going to take heat for coming, but he doesn't care. (Remember, he reached out to Clare during quarantine when he wasn't supposed to, and Clare was all about that.)
The five guys on the date, come and break up the party with Clare and Blake. They won fair and square.
Blake says, pardon me, but "I wanted to show her I had balls." (Already did that literally...) That had to be a scripted moment.
Clare sends the guys off, then tells Blake she appreciates him coming, but he needs to go so that she doesn't disrespect the other men. Again, Blake head's back dejected.
Brandon is up next. Brandon says he wanted to be on here because she was the Bachelorette, but when asked, he knows nothing about her. Nothing. She calls him on his crap.She decides to send him on home because she can tell he's faking it. He can't come up with one thing he likes about her.
And then there were 22.
She sits down with the other four and tells them that she sent Brandon on home. She picks up the date rose and presents it to Chasen.
The next day, Yosef tells the men that he is going to confront Clare about making the men strip down. He has more respect for himself and his daughter to do that. Props for that, seriously. However, don't you think the producers had more to do with that than Clare herself?
Chasen wants to jump in and pull her off first again, but Clare says she wants to talk to Blake to start the night off.
The other men want to know how that's going to go down. They think that may be the last they see of Blake.
Clare tells him he was surprised to see him. Blake said it wasn't something he expected to do. Clare tells him not to worry because she did like that. She pulls a rose out and gives to him so he doesn't have to suffer the whole night.
The room is silent as he walks back in with his rose. Eazy said from here on, there are no rules of engagement. It's all go.
Claire is ready for her Dale time. I find him so terribly boring. She thinks he's deep.
Claire blindfolds Dale and does love languages touchy touchy part 2.
No rose ceremony to end the night. Only previews of "The Dale Show."