Welcome to the online home of Audra Jennings, a book publicist and crafter. Here I share about both. I hope you'll find books you'll want to read and crafts you will want to order. I live a rather boring, single life. At times I would like to think I am humorous. The kids I teach in Bible class tend to think so. I also blog about current seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. I don't know why, I just do.
Shame is an
assault on the core of who we are. It assassinates our character, minimizes our
worth, and dashes our hope. Like Adam and Eve, we often hide shame, but hiding
never heals it. Left unattended, shame can develop into a crippling reality
that paralyzes us. Like an infectious disease, shame impacts everyone . . . but
not all shame is bad.
Shame can
either be an oppressive and powerful tool of worldly condemnation or a source
of conviction that God uses to bring his people back to himself. Having the
discernment to know the difference and recognize shame in its many forms can
change the course of one’s life.
In a
transparently honest style, Denise Pass shares of her experience dealing with
shame after learning that her former husband was a sexual offender. Having
lived through the aftermath, she leads you into God’s Word where you will see
for yourself that God is bigger than your pain, shame, mistakes, and
limitations.
Shame Off You (available from Abingdon Press) shares how freedom can be found in
choosing to break the cycle of shame by learning from the past, developing
healthy thinking patterns, silencing lies, and overcoming the traps of vanity
and other people’s opinions.
Q: Can you
start us off by sharing a little bit of your own story?
I did not
realize just how significant of an impact shame had on my life until I started
writing this book. I don’t think I recognized all I was experiencing in my life
as shame. Shame affected me in profound ways—from worrying to the point of
obsession about what others thought of me to shame from my past, present and in
the future. Shame was pervasively impacting all of life: how I related to
others, processed my perception of myself and responded in social situations.
Shame was snuffing out my hope and life, and it felt like I had no way out.
Then in 2007,
God revealed to me my (then) husband was a sex offender and some of our
children were his victims. This revelation crushed us, and the ensuing shame
was crippling. I had waited for marriage and married a Christian man. We were that
homeschool family. It did not seem possible. But it was. Through that
devastating season, my children and I drew nearer to God, reading the Bible
through and clinging to His precious promises. I continued to home educate, and
we put one foot in front of the other. Through a five-year long court battle.
Through tragic new revelations. Through sorrow up on sorrow and financial woes.
God was our God through all of it and the lessons we learned as shame lost its
grip on our souls were priceless.
Now, my four
oldest are all in college and walking with God, and my youngest son who I
adopted from Russia is still home educated by the grace of God. And me? God
brought a precious man into my life who I call my Kinsman Redeemer. There’s
more about him (my “Bo”—short for Boaz) in the book.
Q: At its root,
what is shame, and why is it so detrimental to us?
There are many
roots underlying what we call shame.
Shame is the broad term used, but there are so many things interwoven in
our culture that we accept as “normal.” Shame is an accusation on our soul that
says we are not enough. News flash—we are not enough—but God is. He is our
righteousness and removes all of our sin and shame. Shame is peer pressure and
the fear of man—we would not have shame if we did not have an audience. Shame
is a label or box that imprisons our souls and steals our joy. Shame is
detrimental because it gives us a false identity and keeps us from living the
abundant life Jesus promises, distracting us from the mission we have been
called to.
Q: What are
some of the most common underlying sources of shame? Is shame always caused by
a sin a person commits him/herself?
Shame is a head
game that we do to ourselves most of the time, but there is also plenty of
social shaming that goes on—shunning and people condemning one another. While
sin invites shame into our lives as a natural consequence, shame is prevalent
within our culture. We come by it naturally and so we don’t question it.
Expectations cause shame to rise when we don’t meet them. Comparison. Pride.
These are huge contributors to the game of shame. The presence of shame in our
lives is ultimately a spiritual matter. We feel the truth behind the statement
that we are not enough. We accept this condemnation, but it can become our
vindication. We are not enough. That’s ok, because Christ is our Righteousness.
The enemy of our souls is always accusing us, but our Savior is always
interceding for us.
Q: Shame
typically surrounds a situation the public is aware of, at least in the mind of
the person walking through it. How can the church community be more supportive
of a member suffering with shame?
Great question.
We would not have shame if we did not have an audience. It is this fear of man
and focus on self that makes us feel so very exposed as we seek acceptance and
to snuff out rejection. In my situation, I felt like the church did not know
how to handle sex abuse situations, so they didn’t. I was told to be silent.
The shame culture thrives in silence. However, being able to talk about it in a
God-honoring way and having support instead of isolation would take the sting
out of shame and turn it on its head. When we protect the violator and silence
the victims, we are propagating and promoting shame.
Q: In what ways
do we intentionally or unintentionally heap shame on others?
We live in a
society of labels. People try to define one another by false identities based
on their performance—good or bad, or their status in this life. When we move
away from our identity being in Christ, we find that our identity falls short.
Shame was introduced to man in the garden of Eden. We left perfection and chose
an insecure, shame-filled culture, instead. Discontent with our lot, comparison
and the fear or man have robbed us confidence and plagued us with shame in all
of life. Shame is also used as a tool of power by people who seek to subject
others, shaming them into submission. And again, shame is in our culture, so it
is fairly invisible. We just accept it as part of life, which can cause us to
unintentionally continue in the shame culture.
Q: How is Shame
Off You set up and designed to be used?
Shame Off You is the story of a girl who shrunk her shame. It is a guide for
recognizing the shame all around us and how to rid ourselves of shame
biblically. There is a biblical lens of Truth, Humility and Grace that we view
shame through, as well as Cycles of Shame and Redemption, a Shame Spectrum and
Shame Quiz so we can evaluate how shame is impacting our lives. There is also a
resource guide in the back of the book that covers 40 different common shames
we might encounter along with Scriptures to combat that shame.
Shame Off You systematically covers everything from feeling shunned and rejected,
to being shy, to worrying about what others thought or said about me to
traumatic shame that paralyzes us.
Q: What are the
steps to overcoming shame?
Shame distracts
us from the mission of God and keeps us from living on mission for Christ. It
causes us to focus on self and limits our worth. It hurts our relationship with
God and others and causes us to live defeated, discouraged lives. It has to be
dealt with. Recognizing shame’s presence is necessary to be able to deal with
it effectively.
From
recognition, we need to discern whether we are dealing with condemnation or
conviction. Condemnation is based on works whereas Conviction is based on
relationship. Once we know what we are dealing with, we need to consult God’s
word and use a biblical filter to evaluate our shame and then let it go. We
defeat shame not by mere words. And hiding shame does not heal it. We have to
face shame and deal with it biblically to be set free. We don’t get rid of
shame because it humbles us—but because it prevents us from living the abundant
life Christ promises, reaching those around us.
About the author:
Denise Pass, author of Shame Off You, is an award-winning CCM
recording artist and singer-songwriter, accomplished writer/blogger, speaker
and worship leader at women’s conferences as well as a worship leader on staff
at her home church. After a crushing discovery of her former husband’s hidden
life and surviving a painful divorce, she now shares an inspirational message
through her ministry, Seeing Deep Ministries, about seeing the deeper truth in
God’s word when life hurts.
Denise also founded and directed a home educational co-op for 12 years
and engaged in many educational pursuits, including forming and directing a
classical children’s choir. A graduate from the University of Maryland, Denise
now resides in Virginia, with her “Kinsman Redeemer” husband and five children.
What
is it about crying that makes us feel shame? We are shamed for being less than
perfect, then doubly shamed for crying out for help about it. Sounds like a
serious plan of condemnation from the enemy! But what looks like weakness
becomes a secret source of strength for those who know and trust in God.
For
the record, crying has been given a bad rap. Weeping in cultures all over the
world is deemed something to be embarrassed by. Goodness, we even apologize
when we do it. Showing emotion is often seen as a sign of weakness, sometimes
associated with mental or personality disorders. Add the sting of shame to the
feelings of inferiority for just expressing emotions, and the overwhelming
humiliation begins to paralyze us and affect our ability to function. Getting
to this place of crying out is made even more difficult with the lingering
shame for doing so.
But
there is another type of crying. Set aside the helpless, I’m-so-ashamed crying.
Instead, there is a sweet place of brokenness where we cry out and look to God
for comfort. And it is in crying out to God from our place of shame that we
obtain victory. Admitting our need is not a display of weakness, but a
testament of relationship. But it can be so very hard to admit that aching
need. God made us for relationship, to know Him intimately. We were not made
for independence, but dependence upon our loving God. There is no shame in
that. When we cry out to God, He helps us to recognize the oppressive presence
of shame, so we can rightly deal with this stigmatizing emotion.
In
Scripture, Hannah felt the scorn from shame in being childless. She knew all
too well the taunts of those around her, especially from a rival wife. She wept
at the altar. She was not enough. She could not bear children. And there was
nothing she could do about it. This is a classic situation of shame.
Circumstances we cannot control, yet we somehow accept the shame as if we
earned it. But Hannah had a weapon. She cried out to God—the only One who could
truly remove her shame. And God answered. Sometimes we have to wait for the
Lord to restore. We may have to walk through shame to be able to appreciate the
shame being removed from us. Hannah’s tears were counted that day, and the
priest serving in the church saw her too:
Hannah was in deep anguish, crying
bitterly as she prayed to the Lord. And she made this vow: “O Lord of Heaven’s
Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son,
then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime, and
as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair will never be cut.”
As she was praying to the Lord, Eli watched her. Seeing her lips moving but
hearing no sound, he thought she had been drinking. “Must you come here drunk?”
he demanded. “Throw away your wine!” “Oh no, sir!” she replied. “I haven’t been
drinking wine or anything stronger. But I am very discouraged, and I was
pouring out my heart to the Lord. Don’t think I am a wicked woman! For I have
been praying out of great anguish and sorrow.” “In that case,” Eli said, “go in
peace! May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of him.” “Oh,
thank you, sir!” she exclaimed. Then she went back and began to eat again, and
she was no longer sad. (1 Samuel 1:10-18 NLT)
There
is so much to learn from Hannah when we are surrounded by shame. She did not
try to fix her situation. She did not try to cover up her shame. She simply
went to the only One who could. And she wept before her great God, surrendering
to His will. But she also did something astonishing in her prayer—she was not
merely looking for the release of shame. She wanted to honor God for His
removal of it. She would give her son back to Him. Our shame never really is
about us after all. It might feel like it, but we feel shame until we come
before God. Like a magnet, shame draws us either nearer to God or propels us
away. Hannah knew where her help truly came from. She clung to God and let go
of her shame. She also knew that the one who commands armies—El Shaddai—could
surely remove shame off her soul. She demonstrated this by leaving her shame
there at the altar. She did not carry it anymore.
There
are many such altars every Sunday where people have the bravery to come up out
of their seat and lay their burdens and shames down. The very public
transparent display of my shame on that altar initially hurt so deeply. Like
Hannah, I did not hold back. It led to confessing the secrets hidden within,
the very thing I never wanted to mention again. There I shared what I had been
prevented from sharing before. And instead of finding shame and pressure, I
found acceptance and compassion. Somehow, I had thought concealing my shame
would make my own unwanted testimony disappear. Surely the scorn and
condemnation I felt would someday be removed. But hiding shame does not heal
it; it makes it multiply. Shame has taken on many forms in my life and colored
my world with guilt and humiliation. Shame screams out “condemnation” to a
weary soul too tired to fight the accusation. It tries to define us, but we can
rise above shame. Shame impacts us all, but it is how we deal with shame that
determines the lasting impact shame has on our life.
Shame
seems insurmountable and hopeless to us when we listen to it. But that’s what
shame does. It makes it seem like there is no way out. Trapped within the walls
of our own mind, we don’t even recognize all the shame we are bound by, but we
try to combat this shame through our own devices, nonetheless. We might not
even be cognizant of our own approaches to deal with shame. Maybe we
rationalize it or try to ignore it, but underneath we let shame chip away at
our worth. We consider and turn the matter over in our mind a million times,
trying to cast off the yoke of shame. Perhaps we allow bitterness to overtake
us as we seethe at those who hurt us or who are judging us. Self-made
strategies and techniques lack sustaining power to remove an entrenched,
invisible force such as shame. Nice anecdotes and willpower cannot extinguish
it, either. In all our struggling with shame, could it be that God has a better
way to remove shame and that He can even use its presence in our lives for
good?
About the author:
Denise Pass, author of Shame Off You, is an
award-winning CCM recording artist and singer-songwriter, accomplished
writer/blogger, speaker and worship leader at women’s conferences as well as a
worship leader on staff at her home church. After a crushing discovery of her
former husband’s hidden life as a repetitive sex offender, and surviving a
painful divorce, she now shares an inspirational message through her ministry,
Seeing Deep Ministries, about seeing the deeper truth in God’s word when life
hurts. Denise also founded and directed a home educational co-op for 12 years
and engaged in many educational pursuits, including forming and directing a
classical children’s choir. A graduate from the University of Maryland, Denise
now resides in Virginia, with her “Kinsman Redeemer” husband and five children.
Emma
Mae Jenkins, a young writer,
has inspired many with the freedom she has to be herself—a dearly loved
child of God. In her first book, Be Loved, she invites readers to
join her on a journey of life-changing faith and the freedom that comes
from knowing the love of God.
She chronicles her
own high school journey through starting a new school, navigating the
typical pressures of school work and sports, going to prom, and even
homecoming. Emma Mae faced each new challenge with the confidence that
God was with her and was going to make her uniquely useful in the place
he had prepared for her.
For Emma Mae, it
all starts with her relationship with Jesus. Because she knows she is
loved by him, she is free to be herself and to live out her faith no
matter what the cost. As a young, passionate, and intimate lover of
Jesus, Emma Mae’s love for her Savior overflows unashamedly into her
unconditional, fierce love for people.
Readers will
experience the chain-breaking liberty of knowing the Lord’s presence and
the freedom to be unique. This full-color, hardback book includes
pictures from Emma Mae’s life, along with key Bible verses that God used
to strengthen and guide her through the ups and downs of her high school
years. Readers will learn to face the challenges of their student years
with faith, courage, hope, and lifegiving love for others.
About the author
Debut
author Emma Mae Jenkins is a social media influencer, writer, speaker,
and YouTuber with the sole purpose of leading others into a
relationship with Jesus, sharing this chain-breaking freedom, and being
a vessel of God’s Word. Emma Mae chronicled her journey through high
school on social media and has inspired thousands of young people to
live their faith freely and with courage.
Read more about the book below, and enter to win a copy of your own at the bottom of the post.
You can also read the two-part interview with Carlos and Rosemarie by clicking below. Part 1 ~ Part 2
About the book:
A
true story of hope and courage in the face of astonishing challenges
During
his fourth deployment, US Marine Corps Sergeant Carlos Evans stepped on an
IED--and the loss of both legs and his left hand was just the beginning of the
struggle for his life.
For
the next two years, he and his wife, Rosemarie, went through the rehabilitation
process together. As a nurse and mother of two young children, Rosemarie was
used to caring for people, but the task of taking care of her triple-amputee
husband brought new challenges every day. In addition to his limb loss, Carlos
faced PTSD and developed an addiction to painkillers. He was sure Rosemarie’s
life would be better without him--and that it might have been better if he hadn’t
survived at all.
But
unlike the majority of marriages put under similar strain, Carlos and Rosemarie
stayed together. With the help of family, friends, and--most importantly--a
strong faith, they’ve built a solid marriage and discovered a ministry they
never expected. By the hand of God, their story, which began in devastation,
has turned into one that draws in and lifts up more people than either of them
would ever have dreamed.
Not
only will disabled veterans and their loved ones find help here, Carlos and
Rosemarie’s captivating journey also speaks to those who long for stronger
marriages, care for loved ones with disabilities, or are facing a new normal in
their own lives, small or large. It is a powerful resource for leaning on God
in the midst of life’s great difficulties--and for finding ways that, through
faith, profound loss can bring incredible blessing. Read an excerpt from Kregel by clicking here.
About the authors:
Sgt. (Ret.) Carlos R. Evans is a minister with the Assemblies of God USA, a Wounded
Warrior spokesman, and a motivational speaker. Born in Puerto Rico, Carlos was
an avid athlete through his high school and college years. At university, he studied Theology and was
very active in his church. When the tragic events of September 11th occurred,
he felt compelled to join the family legacy of service in the US Marine Corps,
and originally planned to join as a Chaplain.
Carlos served three tours of duty in Iraq and was assigned
to Afghanistan for his fourth deployment. In May 2010, he was the squad leader
on foot patrol when he stepped on an improvised explosive device. The blast
took both of his legs and his left hand. Medically discharged after his rehab
at Walter Reed, Carlos served in the Marine Corps for eight years.
Rosemarie Evans, also a native of Puerto Rico, is an experienced nurse. She
is now a full-time caregiver and student working toward a master’s degree in marriage
and family from Liberty University. Carlos and Rosemarie live in Orlando,
Florida with their two daughters.
I would love to share a little bit about the book with you now. You can even enter to win your own copy at the end of this post.
Keep an eye out later this month for an interview with Denise and an excerpt from Shame Off You.
About the book:
Learn to recognize and process
feelings of shame in a biblical way to restore God-ordained self-worth and hope.
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in
Christ Jesus.” — Romans 8:1
Shame is an assault on the core of who we are. It assassinates
our character, minimizes our worth, and dashes our hope. Like Adam and Eve, we
often hide shame, but hiding never heals it. Left unattended, shame can develop
into a crippling reality that paralyzes us. Like an infectious disease, shame
impacts everyone . . . but not all shame is bad.
Shame can either be an oppressive and powerful tool of worldly
condemnation or a source of conviction that God uses to bring his people back
to himself. Having the discernment to know the difference and recognize shame
in its many forms can change the course of one’s life.
In a transparently honest style, Pass shares of her experience
dealing with shame after learning that her former husband was a sexual
offender. Having lived through the aftermath, she leads you into God’s Word
where you will see for yourself that God is bigger than your pain, shame,
mistakes, and limitations.
Shame Off You shares how
freedom can be found in choosing to break the cycle of shame by learning from
the past, developing healthy thinking patterns, silencing lies, and overcoming
the traps of vanity and other people's opinions.
Denise Pass, author of Shame Off You, is an
award-winning CCM recording artist and singer-songwriter, accomplished
writer/blogger, speaker and worship leader at women’s conferences as well as a
worship leader on staff at her home church. After a crushing discovery of her
former husband’s hidden life as a repetitive sex offender, and surviving a
painful divorce, she now shares an inspirational message through her ministry,
Seeing Deep Ministries, about seeing the deeper truth in God’s word when life
hurts. Denise also founded and directed a home educational co-op for 12 years
and engaged in many educational pursuits, including forming and directing a
classical children’s choir. A graduate from the University of Maryland, Denise
now resides in Virginia, with her “Kinsman Redeemer” husband and five children.
