Help teens understand what the Bible says about homosexuality
Part 2 of an interview with Tom Gilson,
Author of Critical
Conversations:
A Christian Parents’ Guide
to Discussing
Homosexuality with Teens
Christian
parents need to be prepared to answer the myriad challenges teens might hear in
today's increasingly pro homosexual culture. Why shouldn't gays get married?
Who says gay sex is wrong? Does the Bible actually say there's anything wrong
with homosexuality? Don't you care that kids are being bullied just for being
themselves?
To start the
discussion in Critical Conversations: A Christian Parents' Guide to Discussing
Homosexuality with Teens (Kregel/February
27, 2016), Tom Gilson provides a brief history of the issues beginning
with the sexual revolution of the 1960s. He explains how and why cultural
attitudes have reversed on this subject in such a short timespan, leaving
Christians scrambling for answers.
This is perhaps
the most complicated and contentious issue Christians face in today's culture.
Most churches are poorly equipped to handle it; parents are even less prepared.
The good news is that parents need not have pat answers ready before they dive
into conversations with their teens and preteens on this difficult topic.
Learning together—parents struggling through these issues alongside their kids
and leading them to biblical answers—has relational benefits.
Answers are
important, though, so manageable, nontechnical answers to common questions
surrounding this issue are provided, as well as a guide to further resources.
Q: Christians
are often painted as being prejudiced and out of touch for their beliefs. Is
there a way to speak truth about homosexuality without being perceived as
hateful or homophobic?
There
are actually a couple of questions that come before that one. Can we speak out about it without actually being hateful or homophobic? The answer to
that is yes, certainly. We disagree with LGBT advocates, sure. But that isn’t
automatically hateful or phobic. If it were, then they would also be
automatically hateful and phobic for disagreeing with us. I don’t think they
think that’s true of ourselves, and I don’t think that’s usually true of them,
either.
The
second question is whether we can speak out without being perceived as hateful or homophobic. I think in personal friendships
we can often do this. In larger contexts, we’ll probably be perceived in all
kinds of bad ways, and the best thing we can do about it is to make sure we’re
living in Christian integrity no matter what people say about us. We can also
make our case for our position respectfully, knowledgeably and with conviction.
This book helps with that.
Back
to the original question. Some Christians have unfortunately acted in hateful
and homophobic ways. (I don’t usually like to use that term, but it does fit
sometimes.) That’s a matter for increased knowledge and for repentance.
Q: Why is it
such a popular belief that Christians hate homosexuals simply because they
disagree with their lifestyle?
There
has been an intentional, concerted campaign by homosexual activists to paint
Christianity that way. This is not paranoia or conspiracy theorizing. It’s
documented in their own strategy documents, which they have followed quite
effectively. (I detail this in the book.)
Q: What are
some ways parents can prepare their children for the possibility they could be
bullied for their beliefs?
Kids
need to be confident in their beliefs, and they need to see their parents
living in confidence too. That’s the main thing.
It’s
great if they can be part of a group of friends who share that confidence; it’s
the best protection possible for them at school, and of course there’s a
biblical principle of mutual support and encouragement involved there.
Q: How should
parents coach teens on being wise in manner and timing when making a stand for
their convictions? For example, when and where is the appropriate time and
place?
It’s
hard to advise on this from a distance. The more important thing, in my view,
is for teens to have a solid, almost easy sort of confidence in what they know
to be true. Then they can speak their convictions authentically when the
pressure is off — in everyday conversation with friends, for example — or when
the pressure is on, and their faith is being challenged. It’s a whole lot
easier for any of us to assess a situation and respond to it appropriately if
we’re confident in our ability to respond when the time comes.
Q: If you had
to simplify your argument in support of biblical marriage into a few sentences,
what would they be?
God
gave us plenty of good reasons in both the Old and New Testament to know that
he designed sex to be for a married couple, and that he designed marriage to be
for a man and a woman. It’s in Leviticus, in Jesus’ teaching on marriage and
all over the Pauline epistles.
Marriage
between a man and a woman is good.
It’s a comprehensive human good that supports the nurturance of children and
the growth of strong communities. Because children come out of marriages
(normally), marital love is an outward-looking form of love, in contrast to the
inward-looking and comparatively self-focused “just you and me, babe,” form of
relationship found in non-marital sexual relationships, whether heterosexual or
homosexual. Children thrive in homes with a mom and a dad.
So
there are both biblical and non-biblical (common experience) reasons working
together to make the point.
Q: Describe
the “Bible brush-off” and how parents can avoid it during discussions with
their teens.
“The
Bible says it. Believe it.” That’s the Bible brush-off. That’s not much help:
You can’t command belief. (You can’t make a person believe by telling them to.)
Parents need to help their teens understand how to know the Bible is true and
how to know the Bible’s teaching is good too.
Q: What are
the eternal and cultural implications for helping Christian young people
understand this issue?
Let’s
not be fooled here: The big question isn’t whether homosexual behavior or
same-sex marriage is moral. The big question is whether Christianity is
credible. Gay activists have tried to tear down Christianity’s believability.
The more they succeed, the harder it will be for anyone to put their faith in
Jesus Christ.
Q: What should
parents do if their child has questions about his or her own sexuality or
gender identity?
The
first thing is, keep on loving unconditionally, no matter what – which is what
“unconditionally” means. If that is at all challenging for you, find the
support you need so you can do it – support that’s steeped in biblical grace
and truth.
Don’t
think you can go it alone! Don’t even assume your pastor is fully equipped to
help with this issue. Rely on your pastor, yes, but find a Christian counselor
with specific expertise in this area. Parents should spend time with that
counselor, learning how to handle their relationship with their teen. If the
teen will see that counselor (or a different one, equally qualified), that’s great.
Even
before that’s set up, though, parents should gently seek to find out whether
their teens have friends who are encouraging them to “explore” their sexuality.
If so, it would be wise to set a firm and loving boundary between the teens and
those persons.
If
there’s been abuse (which is a factor in some, though certainly not all, such
sexual questioning), then get the law involved — and again, a qualified
counselor.
Learn more about
more about Critical Conversations and
Tom Gilson at
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