Monday, January 16, 2017

The whiniest season of #thebachelor yet

Blogging on The Bachelor is some kind of sick self-punishment, and I'm not even sure what I did to deserve it. Yet, here I am on a Monday night after a long day.

The show picks up where we left off last week. Not with a rose ceremony, but with Nick confessing his relationship with Liz. The next morning, the women who were on the group date tell the rest of the women what happened. We don't have to suffer through the day, thankfully. We jump to the cocktail party. When Nick comes in, he tells everyone what happened. The wedding, the deed, the fact they didn't exchange numbers, where we are today.

That should have been enough, but we have to hear the women talk about it at the cocktail party and the women talk to Nick about it. Just drop it with Nick. Try to further your own relationship with him. I don't know who any of these women he's talking to are.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Corinne is practicing being slutty in the bathroom. Unfortunately, I who she is.

Nick is so optimistic because the women take the whole Liz situation so well. I mean, they had to know he was a rounder, so...

Corinne makes her way down stairs with her rose which she got on last week's date by being a slut. She doesn't need the time. Nick asks if she is wearing a dress or a coat since she's dressed strangely. She's set up a blanket on the ground and has a can of whipped cream nearby. It gets as nasty as you think it might. He likes it/her a lot. Of course, he does. He doesn't think giving in to her is going to help the situation with any other women. He thinks he needs to slow things down.

Inside, the women are talking about the fact someone saw her going out with the whipped cream.

The women question being here. Jasmine is wandering around trying to find Nick. He calls her over realizing she's walking around. Corinne leaves and heads upstairs to cry and confide in some woman that none of her plan worked out and now she wants to go home.

Nick really has no other real conversations. While all of the women come down for the rose ceremony, Corinne is upstairs snoring in her bunk. Nick gets ready to hand out the first rose and looks around. He realizes Corinne is not there. He asks where she is. (He knows this can blow up in her face, and he doesn't want to validate that behavior.) He apologizes for whatever reason, then proceeds.

(Remember Danielle M. got the rose from the one-on-one date. If anyone got the rose from the date where Liz went home, I have no idea. I must have missed it.)

This part is taking me forever to pause and play because he mumbles so bad I can't understand him, and have to look at the cast pictures to make sure I have the right names.

  1. Astrid
  2. Taylor
  3. Whitney
  4. Kristina
  5. Danielle L.
  6. Rachel
  7. Vanessa
  8. Raven
  9. Jaimi
  10. Dominque (I had to play it four times because I thought he said Hominy)
  11. Sarah
  12. Alexis 
  13. Brittany
  14. Josephine
  15. Jasmine (she was shooting daggers with her eyes)
I must have missed two somewhere with all the mumbling because numbers aren't adding up. Christen was one of them because she goes on the first date. Elizabeth, maybe?

There are two women going home are Lacey and Hailey (her lacy bra and way too low cut dress was terribly slutty). 

Onto the next day and the first date card. Chris Harrison comes in asking if they slept well. He tells Corinne looks rested.

"Danielle L., Christen, Kristina, Whitney, Taylor, Jasmine, Corinne... EVERYBODY!"

Photo from WashingtonPost.com
Someone comments, "That's the Backstreet Boys." Cue the music and the Backstreet Boys enter. They have a full day planned, and warn to not wear heels. They then sing a little bit of "I Want it that Way." 

Jasmine comments about dancing, and Corinne asks if she was a dancer. Jasmine asks where she has been, sleeping. Someone points out that Jasmine was a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. 

Corinne is glad to have the group date because she was worried she wasn't going to get a date.

When they arrive at the venue, Nick has been working on his dance moves. The BSB tell them they are looking for background dancers. One will be serenaded with Nick on stage that night. 

Nick notices Jasmine and Danielle are doing the best. Corinne is flopping around like a fish out of water. She's whining to the cameras about how she doesn't feel pretty and is uncomfortable about last night. She goes into the bathroom and cries to one of the other women (Taylor, I think). The remaining women wonder where she is now.

It's showtime. They have to dance in front of 500 people. After the song and dance, the BSB pick Danielle for the one-on-one dance. Corinne's stomach drops when she sees Danielle kiss him. 

When the evening portion of the date starts, whiney, insecure Corinne has to take him off first. They talk about the day. Planned dancing aka choreography is like her worst nightmare. She apologizes about the rose ceremony. Nick asks if she apologized to the women. Corinne says she did not because she didn't think anyone knew she was upset. He tells her not to worry about last night. Afterwards, she's so exhausted and needs a nap. She's snoring again.

He comes back and takes Danielle out. Today was the first day Nick thought she seemed comfortable. Cue make out session. They slow dance some more with his hands firmly planted on her butt.

At the house, the next date card arrives. "Vanessa - You make me feel like I'm floating."

The women speculate it's a hot air balloon. Dominique complains about being tired of waiting and needs validation. 

Corinne comes back in for her nap and asks why the women didn't tell her she had a nip slip. They somehow move to talking about kids. Corinne has to prepare Raquel for that. Who is Raquel? Her nanny who does EVERYTHING for her. Jasmine cannot control her unbelief. It has her tripping over herself. 

It's time for the group date rose. It goes to Danielle. 

Corinne knows she wouldn't get two group roses in a row because Nick doesn't want to put a target on her back. 

The date with Vanessa is actually a weightless date like they are astronauts. She was afraid they were going skydiving. 

The plane takes off and a series of ups and downs is what creates the zero gravity sensation. They float around and get to act like kids, but trying to make out is trickier. 

After a while, she gets nauseous. Danielle's mortified she's going to puke on him. Nick is a gentleman and takes care of her. He enjoyed comforting her. 

The last date card arrives at the house. "Rachel, Alexis, Astrid, Jaimi, Sarah, Brittany, Dominque... I'm done playing the field."

Back on the date, they go to the tallest building in LA and have a date on an observation deck. Vanessa tells Nick she liked how close he is with his mom. Family is important to her. Her grandfather just died a few weeks ago, and all of her family strongly supported her coming. Yet the limo and the red rose at the funeral was symbolic. They talk of his past relationships. Blah, blah, blah. Nick being so vulnerable with her makes the possibility of heartbreak worth it. She gets the rose. 

The next day, Nick is running on a track when the women arrive. Dominique is excited because she and Rachel are the only ones who have not been on a date yet.

They are joined on the track by Allison Felix, Carl Lewis and Michelle Carter. They are going to have a Nick-atholon today. They have to compete in several events. 

They start with the long jump. Some are better than others. 

No one seems very good at the high jump except Alexis.

The javelin is next. It ain't pretty. Dominique hurts herself. 

We didn't have to watch the shot put they said would happen.

Three go on to the next round. Rachel, Alexis and Astrid. The winner of the 100 meter dash gets hot tub time with Nick. Rachel gets there first, but she doesn't grasp the wring she was supposed to get. Astrid bends down for it and Rachel shatters it. Astrid gets enough of it to win. 

Dominique is always, always, always overlooked, or so she whines.

That night at the date cocktail party, Nick takes Astrid off first. Rachel goes off to the restroom with Dom (because I miss an i every time I type her full name). Rachel thinks Dom is thinking too much about others and not about her. Dom says she tries to make a connection and make contact, but it's so frustrating since this is her first time out of the house. 

Nick has one-on-one time with everyone. He and Rachel talk about cabin fever. She's happy to be there right now. Dom interrupts their kiss, or at least she wants to. She skulks nearby. 

Dom finally gets her time. She says she won't BS him. She feels she didn't get a fair chance today. He thought she did give her attention. The conversation must have rubbed him the wrong way. He goes ahead and cuts her loose. 

Nick comes back to tell the women he went ahead and sent Dom home. He liked her, but couldn't see it long term. It's time to hand out the rose. It goes to Rachel. 

The next morning, Chris Harrison shows up and tells the women that there is a rose ceremony tonight. Rather than a cocktail party tonight, he wants a pool party today. 

The women get all greased up for Nick to arrive. 

When he gets there, Raven lathers the sunscreen on Nick. While everyone else is down at the pool, Corinne is putting on her make-up. She has plans. A bounce house. 

The women realize Nick and Corinne are missing. They go around to find them. The women are grossed out by what they find. "Do you feel comfortable with me?"

The women decide to wander back off because they can't watch this anymore. 

Raven pulls Nick aside and tells him she thinks he's making a huge mistake with Corinne. Raven tells him that Corinne is twenty-four years old and has a nanny that does EVERYTHING for her. 

Taylor tells Nick that some of the women are questioning what he wants and doubting themselves over how he's interacting with Nick. 

Vanessa questions his intentions. Given what they had going on the other night, but she saw him riding Corinne. Vanessa says she isn't questioning Corinne's actions, but is his. What does he really want?

Evidently, that line of conversation continues next week.

As the show closes with the credits, we have to watch Josephine sing a very awkward original song to Nick. #awkward

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