Welcome to just a little bit of Audra's Insanity. As to be expected, this is a place to share a piece of my mind along with my totally random comments, opinions and thoughts. It's one of my creative outlets and where I work on my humor. You'll also find book reviews and information about the latest projects I'm working on. Always random. Often humorous. Occasionally boring. Come laugh. Feel free to cry. But I hope you always enjoy.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Valentine’s Day is the day for romance
Goodness knows I don't celebrate the upcoming holiday known as Valentine's Day, nor am I married. However, we're working with author Rhonda Stoppe, and she has some great advice leading up to Valentine's on how romance looks different for a married couple. Please share this post with anyone you think would find it insightful. :) If you are a radio host or producer, let's set up an interview!
How does romance look different
husband and a wife?
Day is when Americans focus on love and romance. What love means for a man is
different than what a woman thinks about love. After all, that is how God
created them! Understanding what each partner needs is key to a long and happy
Stoppe, author of If My Husband Would
Change, I’d Be Happy, explains more about the differences between men and
women when it comes to romance.
Kim was busy with last minute dinner
preparations when David waltzed into the kitchen with a bouquet of gerbera
daisies. Amidst the chaos of trying to help their eight-year-old study for his
spelling test and almost tripping over their four-year-old’s doll house, Kim
tried to appear grateful for David’s thoughtful gesture.
David tossed the flowers on the counter and
gave Kim a flirtatious grin and a wink. Then he went into the den to watch
sports on TV until dinner was ready.
Kim thought, Oh yeah, that’s right buddy.
You brought me flowers so I know what you are thinking about for later. Does
the man not even notice that I am in survival mode right now? The last thing I
want to think about is romance.
Maybe you can relate to David and Kim’s
scenario. Remember when receiving flowers from your love would cause your heart
to pitter-patter? I do.
When my husband Steve and I were dating, he
used to leave work on his lunch hour to drive thirty minutes to my house to
drop off flowers. Because his lunch break was only one hour he only had time to
deliver the flowers, give me a kiss and then head back to work. As I stood
clutching the flowers, I remember thinking, “How romantic!”
After we were married, and I became a stay
at home mom, I remember Steve bringing flowers home. Only this time my response
was not, “How romantic!” Rather it was, “How expensive!” because I knew buying
flowers no longer fit into our single income budget.
What I didn’t realize is my less than joyful
response deeply wounded my husband. Not only did I tell him that his attempt to
be romantic had failed, but he also took my comment to mean he was failing me
by not making enough money.
My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy, Steve shared this insight:
“When your husband
makes an effort to be romantic, help him know when he is on the right track.
Remember, he is likely putting himself into a situation where he feels
inadequate. This means your husband might think he is risking humiliation if he
gets it wrong. He may even believe he will lose your respect if his attempt at
The Bible instructs husbands to live with
their wives according to knowledge. The problem is sometimes our husbands need
some help in figuring us out.
So it’s your job to help your husband learn
how to romance you in the different stages of life. While a bouquet of flowers
may have once spoken romance, now you can help your husband realize how much
you would be drawn to him if he would jump in to help when he comes home from
romance to your husband? Let’s look at these three insights:
him. Remember when you were dating? How did you
spend time with your love? Most likely your courtship was filled with hours of
conversation and playing together. Think back. How did you play together when
you were courting? Maybe you went hiking, golfing or simply building sand
castles at the beach.
If you’re like most women, the talking and
listening you experienced in courtship filled up your romance tank. By
contrast, the time you spent playing together likely ranked high on your
husband’s romance chart.
All-too-often married couples forget the
value of playing together. If enjoying activities with your husband filled his
romantic tank then, it likely will do the same now, as long as you go along to
enjoy his company and not to invade his solace with nagging or complaining
about everyday life issues he may be trying to escape through his playtime.
him. Laugh when your husband attempts to be
funny. My husband is a pastor, so he preaches every week. I often laugh way too
loudly at his jokes. The other day a woman said, “We all laugh harder at you
because you think he is so funny.”
Then, before I felt embarrassed about my
unbridled laughter during Steve’s sermons, she added, “I’ll bet all our
husbands wish their wives would grace them with laughter like you do.”
pursue you. When you were dating your husband, part of
the romance for him was pursuing you. So devise ways to entice him to pursue
you. When it comes to filling your husband’s romance tank, you’ll be surprised
at how far a little flirtation goes.
Your husband may not be able to put into
words what he needs from you, but you would be wise to find ways to romance
him. Take some time to consider what speaks romance to you so you can help your
husband learn to romance you through every season of life. I promise you won’t
Stoppe is the No Regrets Woman. With more than 20
years of experience as a marriage mentor, pastor’s wife, author and speaker,
Stoppe leads women of all ages to live lives of no regrets. She is the author
of Moms Raising Sons to be Men,
which mentors thousands of moms to guide sons toward a no-regrets life. Her
latest book, If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy
& Other Myths Wives Believe, is
helping countless women build no-regrets marriages. Rhonda is currently writing
a new book, tentatively titled Love
Stories of the Redeemed, releasing in early 2018.
Stoppe lives Northern California with her
husband, Steve. They have four adult children and eight