Monday, May 25, 2015

The Bachelorette has a bunch of jerks and weirdos to choose from

I am fairly certain that I will lose cable and/or electricity while The Bachelorette is on tonight. It's just a hunch.

Today, I spent Memorial Day shopping with my mom for clothes to wear on a business trip in four weeks. Of course, it also involved going to Hobby Lobby. And Cracker Barrel. #noshame

Here I am, all ready to start blogging at 7:00 after rushing around the house doing this and that, and the show doesn't start until 8:00 tonight. Seriously? Grumble. I have things to do, so I'll go do them for an hour and come back.


Tonight, Kaitlyn picks the first group of men she wants to take out on a date. From the previews, it appears there will be a lot of kissing, and the drama is already starting.

To start off the show, Chris Harrison checks in with Kaitlyn the morning after the rose ceremony. They talk about early kisses and guys who were interested in Britt.

Meanwhile at the mansion, all the guys are still comparing notes about who voted for Britt and who voted for Kaitlyn.

Over at the hotel, Britt is crying to her momma about how she is coming home because she didn't get voted in. However, there is a knock on the door. Brady had arrived to get time with Britt and see if it turns into love. He seems a little drunk. Maybe he always slurs. In his intro video last week I couldn't understand anything he sang. Something about him reminds me of Lyle Lovett.

Back at the mansion, Chris Harrison delivers the first group date card.

Daniel, Justin, Jared, Corey, Tanner, Kupah, Ben H, and Ben Z. "I see this ending with a ring." 

JJ doesn't see any competition in that group. A little arrogant if you ask me. However, he doesn't think there are any guys serious about marriage in that group.

The date is a boxing date so Kaitlyn can see who is willing to fight for her. Kaitlyn has some help in the form of Laila Ali. Some of the guys throw a pretty weak punch. While some men try to talk to Kaitlyn and get their time in, she has forgotten Kupah is even on the date because he's in his own world training.

To prove their stuff, they are going to compete in a tournament. I'm not sure any of them are too sure of themselves.

First round:

Ben Z vs. Daniel -- Not really a great match. Maybe the tallest guy there vs. the fashion designer. Ben wins.

Corey vs. Justin - Corey wins.

Ben H. vs Jared - Jared is small, but scrappy.

Tanner vs. Kupah - Kupah was the winner.

Semi-final round:

Ben Z vs. Corey - Ben Z wins

Jared vs. Kupah - Kupah wins

Final round: 

Big Ben Z vs. Jared. Ben knocks Jared senseless. Jared says he is alright, but the doctor thinks his reaction time is slow and that he needs to go to the hospital.

Later that night, when all the guys are gathered for the rest of their date, Kaitlyn takes Ben off first. He does feel bad about what happened to Jared. Then, the two talk about cooking. Suddenly, he changes the direction of the story and say that he had to grow up cooking because he lost his mother at 14 to cancer that was discovered after a fall.

Next up is Justin who has a four year old son with an insane name. That's about the extent of what we see.

One by one she talks to the guys - some just in flashes of screen time. While she's talking to Daniel, a messenger brings her a note. The note says that she needs to come down right now because someone needs to see her. It's Jared, fresh from the ER.

Jared is supposed to get rest, but he makes a stop to see her, take a quick walk down the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and steal a kiss. He says that it was worth the punch to the face.

Back at the mansion, JJ is bragging about his connection to Kaitlyn. Suddenly, the next date card arrives.

Clint - You take my breath away. - Caitlin

JJ is bummed about it, but unphased. He is certain he will still get a rose. 

On the group date, when it is time to hand out the date rose, she pulls off Ben Z where she gives him a rose, and the make out session ensues.


The next day it's date with Clint time. Of all the guys, I can't believe this is the first date. This is the guy who drew Chris Harrison on a triceratops. While he may have artistic talent, he's one of the least attractive guys.

They go to some house and Kaitlyn tells Clint they are going to do an underwater photo shoot. How bizarre.

They get dressed up, then do some bizarre breathing exercises to get ready. (What is it with gurus and breathing on this show?)

Back at the house, Tony is talking about how stupid the boxing date he didn't go on was. It's about fighting, not about love. It looks like someone gave him a black eye before he arrived.

On the date, Andi and Clint jump into the water. The photographer/guru tells them about being expressive and how water makes for intimacy. Kaitlyn just hopes she doesn't reflexively hold her nose under water the whole time.

After several shots, they share their first kiss under water. Yawn.

Date card time! Tony "needs to have the opportunity to know whether or not what he is looking for and what she is looking for can co-exist together" 

JJ, Jonathan, Joshua, Chris, Ian, Joe, Tony.  - I'm looking for a man who will stand up for me. 

Tony seems surprised she noticed him. JJ talks smack about Tony already. I cannot stand JJ. 

That night, Kaitlyn tells Clint that talking to him the first night left an impression on her. He came off as intelligent and having his act together with a good personality.

Flash over to the mansion again where Tony is wearing his robe and having a conversation with some random guy whose name I haven't figured out yet. Tony asks if Kaitlyn is supportive, and also slips and says Britt's name by accident.

On the date, Kaitlyn tells Clint that she is looking for a best friend. He doesn't say much of anything in general, but she finds him to be a hunk of a man who brings out her romantic side. I still don't know anything about him. However, she felt the chemistry and gave him the rose. She claims it may be her best first date ever. Ok. If you say so.


The next day, it's time for the group date. Humor is very important to Kaitlyn, so she takes the 7 guys to a comedy club. Helping out on this date is comedian Amy Schumer.

JJ is hoping the date is stand up comedy, and that may be the only thing he is right about. It's a secret dream of his. The rest of the guys don't seem as excited.

Each guy is tasked with telling their best joke on the fly. Kupta bombs, followed by Chris. JJ tells the best of the three, but Amy is unimpressed.

They bring in three more female comedians to help the guys prep for the evening. They all consult with the men to help them write their jokes. Amy has the same opinion of JJ that I do. He needs humility and a sense of humor.

Time is up, and it's time for the men to try to impress.

Ian is up first. He can't get started without having issues with microphone. With the encouragement of one of the comedians, he builds his material around the fact he looks like the guy from the Old Spice commercials. While he doesn't get paid by Old Spice, he does have a lifetime supply because he sweats like Juan Pablo on "The Women Tell All."

Joshua is big on making sure he says "hi." Rather than being known as a welder, when he is trying to impress them, he says that he is a steel infusion specialist. If he really, really wants to impress them, he says it with a whistle. Why he whistled, I have no clue.

Chris is more than nervous. He says he's probably the least funny one. He makes fun of this and how bad the comedians thought he was. He says, "they told me if all else fails, unbutton your shirt." So he does. He does a better job than most.

Tony claims he feels he has been training for this his whole life. Supposedly, he's excited. I can't tell if he's sincere or being funny with his whole speech. Neither does anyone else in the audience. (JJ says he can't even here him because blah, blah, blah, I don't listen to JJ.)

JJ insults Tony though the audience laughs. For all the build-up, that's all we get from him.

We get a snippet of Joe making fun of his Kentucky accent, but Jonathan must not be funny. Unless I was looking down at the computer, I don't think any of his act was showed.

As the evening continues on, Joshua says he's never been in love below. He comes home to his dogs, and is pretty funny talking about how one way that relationship was.

Meanwhile Tony rambles on about who knows what when gathered with the other guys. Finding love is what Tony has been training for his whole life. When he gets his time with Kaitlyn, he starts by talking about how into Britt he was, and how scared of Kaitlyn he was. He starts rambling, and I think Kaitlyn stars to zone out.

Randomly, back at the house... Someone is knocking on the walls, and Justin thinks someone is at the door. He falls for this trick numerous times. 

JJ talks to Kaitlyn about his three year-old daughter and seems like a different person for a moment. They kiss. I yawn. (I really wish this came on an hour earlier so I could go to sleep now. I'm sleepy.)

Joe takes Kaitlyn out just to make out. He says, "well, I'll be." She finds it hilarious because she thought that was a phrase only said in movies.

Although Kaitlyn tells the guys she made some great connections, she tells JJ to keep up the sensitive side and gives him the rose for the date. UGH.


Now, the evening we've all been waiting for... cocktail party and rose ceremony.

There were three guys who didn't go on a date. Will they get their time in tonight? (Shawn, Ryan and Cory)

When Kaitlyn arrives and makes her speech, she can't even complete her toast before JJ drags her out. He has his rose, so all the guys are really ticked about it.

Last night was amazing, and comedy was great even though it was out of my comfort zone. He wants her to know that he is there to fight for her, and he will be aggressive, even if he makes enemies. JJ comes back into the house saying he knows they all hate him, but he's not sorry. He is so utterly arrogant, it's not somewhat amusing.

Ian takes her aside to tell her his life story in a nutshell, including how he was injured after being hit by a car. Dramatic story for points. Pity points maybe even. She finds him very compassionate though. She can't figure out what it is, but she finds something attractive about him. Kissing skills, perhaps?

As the evening goes on, they guys continue to stew over JJ, and he only makes it worse. Tony can handle no more. JJ is going to do anything he can to pick people off himself and push buttons to irritate people. If he says "sorry, not sorry" one more time, I may pay someone to beat him up.

Kupah doesn't want to be the minority representative if he just meets a quote and there is nothing else there. Instead of trying to make a connection, he questions Kaitlyn about it. She calls him on not paying attention to her or try to talk to her during the boxing date. "You were all into it with Laila." As he talks too much, you can tell she is getting turned off by all of this. She tells him that honestly she felt a connection until right now. He effectively overthought everything and got himself talked out of anything happening in the future. She says she needs some time to think about it.

Kupah goes back to the guys and starts mumbling on and on. Kaitlyn tells him he doesn't have a quiet voice and takes him out front so that she can send him off. He tells her that she's hot and sexy, so he doesn't want to go home. He gets aggressive and argumentative with her. She gives him the option of leaving now or leaving in front of all the other guys during a rose ceremony. Someone had a chip on his shoulder. He gets into it during his exit interview with producers.

We don't even get to a rose ceremony because he's carrying on so bad that Kaitlyn can't even do an interview and she storms back outside.

So utterly frustrating. What a jerk. I still hate JJ more.

In other news... Brady and Britt spend a week together and decide to try to make a go of it. Whatever. Rebound after the disappointment of not making the show. I bet it lasts all of two seconds. 


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