Monday, June 1, 2015

One of the most bizarre episodes of #thebachelorette... my words not @chrisbharrison's

It's almost 10:00 PM, and I am just now getting to start this week's episode of The Bachelorette. I'm annoyed that I'm not even watching and Tweeting alongside the west coast people.

I could have dealt with the fact I went to Peyton's softball game, but I ended up spending about an hour in Walmart buying groceries because I was on that side of town. I found out that I have something every night until Friday. Paige is playing volleyball out of town tomorrow, Peyton has a softball game Wednesday after I get out of church, and Paige's 8th grade graduation is Thursday.

Complete and total side note, but she joked me today that she talks about me in her speech. I hope not, but...

Anyway, "tonight's dramatic episode of The Bachelorette picks up where last week's left off. Before they could get to a rose ceremony, Kaitlyn has sent Kupah on his way. If you will recall, he approached her asking if she had only kept him around since he was a minority when he was the one that failed to attempt to make a connection with her on the boxing date. It turned ugly fast after he caught Kaitlyn off guard. Instead of making a quiet exit, he started causing a scene during his exit interview. He starts yelling and cussing and carrying on.

Kaitlyn goes outside to confront him again because she can hear him screaming from inside. Kupah just tells her that he didn't want to go home, and he'll stop yelling. Now, he carries on in a whisper.

All of this leaves Kaitlyn all shaken up, so she has to gather her composure when she comes back in. She gathers all the men together to let them know she sent Kupah home because their conversations always came down to being arguments. With that, Chris Harrison comes in to tell them it's time for the rose ceremony.

Headed into the rose ceremony, there are now 18 men left.

Date roses have already been given to JJ, Ben Z, and Clint. (I had to go back to last week's post for a refresher.

  1. Jared (because he got knocked out in the ring?)
  2. Ben H. 
  3. Shawn B.
  4. Jonathan
  5. Tanner
  6. Chris
  7. Ryan
  8. Justin
  9. Ian
  10. Joshua
  11. Joe
  12. Corey
  13. Tony (WHAT? He left his bonsai trees and his dog to do this show.)
Cory (loved his Texas accent) and Daniel are sent home. She was attracted to Tony who was charming and funny, but Kaitlyn thought he needed to spend some time with his daughter. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Now that we have the rose ceremony out of the way, it's time for the week of dates.

The sun is rising on the mansion, and the men are still asleep when two sumo wrestlers ride up on bicycles. Yes, you just read that right. They come in screaming and striking their gong. At 600 pounds one of these guys is the largest Japanese person ever.

The date card is actually a scroll written in Japanese. The sumo giant starts reading names, but no one understands the first name he says.

Chris, Tony, JJ, Joe, Shawn... The date starts now. 

The guys have to put on their sumo wrestling wrap. They really don't know how to put them on. The wrestler calls five names, but there are six guys on the date. I played the list like three times. CLINT? Maybe it was Clint no one knew what he was saying. 

The guys take off their robes and there is a whole lot of pixelation going on. JJ insults Tony's butt. The rest of the guys witness this grossness because nothing is being covered well. There's stretching and wrestling, and it's a good thing I'm here in front of my computer looking away. 

When it's Tony's turn, he's pretty comical. He takes it pretty serious, then tries to walk off afterwards. When Kaitlyn asks what's going on, he tells her he didn't want to be aggressive because he is a peaceful and loving spirit. He sees this competition, as well as the boxing he did not participate in last week, as fighting and against who he is. He keeps talking about being a gypsy and childlike. She defends the activities saying that she sees it as being adventurous. 

JJ has to come up and stick his nose in middle of it. They get JJ to back off. All the guys think JJ should have stayed out of it. 

Now Kaitlyn is all wound up after another confrontation. She tries to have another conversation with him. At least this time, Ian is already off trying to talk and calm down Tony, so he's a witness. 

Katilyn goes back down to where everyone else is and tells them she had an exhibition planned. She's just going to see if Tony decides to join them. When they get wherever they are going, Tony stays behind.

The five remaining men take art in a round robin competition in front of a large audience. They need to send the children home to not witness this. JJ thinks Kaitlyn has been checking out his butt the whole time. 

Kaitlyn has to go up against the other wrestler first. After she pushes him around a bit, it's time for the men to face off. 

JJ vs. Joe ... thankfully Joe wins

Joe vs. Clint ... Clint decides to play dirty and wins

Back home... Tony is ranting to Johnathan that he's willing to go on a one-on-one date, but this competition is ridiculous. Why can't they go to the zoo and watch the animals? Tony packs up his stuff and leaves. Tony says he's not a quitter because he is leaving on his terms. He does want to speak to Kaitlyn first though. 

Tony tells Kaitlyn that he is here for the right reasons, but he cannot take part in this circus. If she wants to know what is in his heart, he can be easily found. Another one bites the dust. 

With that, the five other guys get to finish their date. Chris aka Cupcake talk first. JJ and Clint sit around talking, and Clint decides he's going to sit back and let Kaitlyn come to him. After their last date, if she wants to connect with him, she needs to make a move. So stupid.

After she spends some time with JJ, she comes to the fire to see who is going to make their move next. Clint sits back Shawn asks for his time. At first I didn't find him attractive, but I'm starting to change my mind. He admits to falling fast for her. She leaves him for a moment and goes off to get the date rose. 

Clint is frustrated that she didn't ask him for time. Has he watched this show? Does he know how it is supposed to work? She is disappointed that he was playing it too cool. She calls him on it in front of the all the other guys that he didn't make a move. In a really odd moment, in his interview, Clint says he's realizing Kaitlyn's not the one for him, but he is enjoying his with the other guys, especially JJ, the sweetheart. Uh. Dude. Bromance much? No guy comes for the friendship. 

The next morning, Kaitlyn gets a date card from Chris Harrison saying that he has planned the day, so grab your man and be prepared for anything. At the mansion, Ben Z. also gets a card saying to be prepared for anything. 

Kaitlyn arrives at the mansion not knowing who is supposed to be coming along on the date with her. They pull up at a warehouse with random items not giving any clue as to what is going on. Chris Harrison explains they are going to be locked in a room where they have to find clues and work together to escape the room. Kaitlyn hears birds and is majorly freaked out. She opens the door and a bird flies out at her. 

Big Ben isn't scared. He's trying to figure out how to handle her fear and get on with this date. He takes her hand and in they go. There are strobe lights and bloody saws. There's someone in a bed. They read clues, gather keys, and proceed. Evidently people pay to do this like a haunted house. They have 45 minutes before it turns into a gas chamber. I would hate this. 

There are dead cock roaches, living scorpions. She's freaking out. He's digging everything up. He's all about figuring out how to get out. They are missing something... Like going in the bathrooms where there's a bloody toilet and snakes everywhere. Now he hates snakes as much as she she hates birds. 

However, in all of this, she finds him sexy and wants to get the kissing in. 

After all of this, the password for the computer was "roses."

Once they get out, they head back to her house for the rest of the date and order a pizza. He tries to act like he's not afraid of snakes now. However, every time they talk, he tells more details about the death of his mom. He talks about being strong for his family, so he didn't cry the day his mom died, and he hasn't cried in 11 years since. She is really attracted to this strong man.

Meanwhile, the date card reads Johnathan, Ben H., Joshua, Ryan, Jared, Tanner, let's learn to love. 

That means that Ian, Corey, and Justin are dateless this week. 

Now, back to Ben Z. and Caitlin in the hot tub... After kicking back for a while, she goes to get the rose for him. She claims she secretly wanted the date to be with him today. 

The next day, the guys are picked up in a school bus, and they go a school to teach sex ed to a group of elementary school kids. I don't know what parents consented to this, but I question their judgment. Each man opens a locker and is given props and an assignment to explain puberty. 

Joshua learned about puberty from watching the cows on the farm. Yikes.

At the house, JJ and Clint are enjoying their time together at the mansion, and the rest of the men notice. It's odd.

The first man up is Ryan who has a model of a female anatomy. The kids ask plenty of awkward questions. The kids' teacher sticks around to help out when it gets sticky. What I come away with from Ryan is there is something up with his hair, and I think his Cheerios were floating around in beer or something this morning because he seems a little bit drunk already this morning.

Johnathan is up next and tells the kids he's open for questions. They cut straight to the chase, and an explanation of the four bases is the mildest one asked. The kids are all child actors who have been set up to ask these questions, of course.

Joshua is charged with explaining the menstrual cycle and how to use tampons. Very awkward.

Ben is charged with reproduction and uses the symbolism of coming out of a limo and meeting Kaitlyn to explain the process.

All of the men were rightfully embarrassed, and actors or not, the kids really shouldn't have been "taught" by these guys. There were definitely inappropriate moments.

That night as the date continues, Joshua takes Kaitlyn off first. She now understands why things have gone slower because he didn't have his first kiss until college. She thinks he needs to step it up. 

Ben tries to impress Kaitlyn by telling her what different buildings are. He's worked with kids in Hondurus or something and feels really comfortable with kids which supposedly is why he did so well with the teaching today. 

At the house, JJ and Clint are bonding over discussions of turtles. Clint is actually falling for JJ, I think. He finds him attractive. Clint thinks he has bonded more with JJ than Kaitlyn, though he never planned to fall in love with a man. He believes in the process and considers himself to be a success story. Ummm... not sure what JJ thinks about this.

Next up is Jared. Kaitlyn's into the black eye he got last week. Jared talks about how great his parents were as role models. Blah, blah, blah. Kaitlyn likes kissing him. She's really into him. 

Just when I thought Jared was going to get the rose, she gives it to Ben. Both Bens are in. 

The night of the rose ceremony, we learn that JJ is evidently clueless in regards to the bromance. He considers himself and Clint the big dogs vs. the boys going for Kaitlyn's attention. Kaitlyn warns that some people have taken a step back in the progress of their relationships. She also says that she has heard about friction in the house. 

As soon as she finishes her speech, Clint pulls Kaitlyn out to talk. She thinks it's a good sign given he didn't talk to her on the group date after he had already had a one-on-one and should have been in the running for a top position. The thing is, Clint really wants the rose so that he can spend more time with JJ. (Clint even tells JJ how attractive he is.)

Clint makes a stupid, graphic excuse for not talking to her due to things that happened during the sumo wrestling. It evidently works because she feels better about their situation after talking to him. They play kissy face so that she will keep him around. 

Even after Clint hits on JJ, I think JJ is clueless. 

Ian and Jared each tell Kaitlyn they want to protect her from the shady characters. Joshua names names. She's most annoyed with Clint. All the men turned on him. Feeling played on their date, she sees red flags and is going to address it. She takes him off to talk. 

Why isn't she mad at JJ for being a jerk too?

And of course, since we started with a rose ceremony, we won't end with one. We do see previews of next week where it appears that JJ slaps himself around, and creepy Nick from Andi's season wants to join in on the fun. 

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