Tonight is the night it gets really ugly on #thebachelorette
We pick up with Kaitlyn ready to punch Ian in the nose. Actually, we start off with all the guys wishing they had more time with Kaitlyn as Ian takes her off. Then we get to re-watch what Ian said to her on last week's episode. This isn't a vacation for him like it seems to be for the other guys. He's not into the juvenile jokes. He sees her as a surface level person there to make out with all the guys on TV. Ian isn't there to plow her field. He's there to find a wife, and she doesn't seem serious about finding a husband.
Kaitlyn says she's not as deep as he is, but she's not shallow. He has no humor, and humor is a big part of her life though obviously not the main thing. He plays it all off as trying to be honest.
Let's be honest. He looks older than the 28 he claims to be.
Anyway, with that, it's all he has to say and is on his way. He stands up and walks off. After all, he's too deep. He graduated from Princeton, and is not lame like the other guys. His words, not mine. He doesn't impress me. He is being punished for being an intellectual. He's tired of hearing everyone talk about sex. If he were made The Bachelor, he would change the standards! However, after all his talk about the others being sex-crazed, he says he needs some.
I know that I have said it before about other cast members in the past, but I really mean it this time... If Ian is selected as the next bachelor, I WILL. NOT. WATCH.
The men watch Ian leave wondering what on Earth is going on. They do assume it is Ian's choice that he is leaving, and not Kaitlyn's. Meanwhile, Kaitlyn is processing this scene.
The first guy to go hunting Kaitlyn down is Nick, who shares what just happened with him. Nick relays a conversation he had with Ian that I'm not even sure actually happened. Nick uses this moment to play up everything he likes about her (humor) and plays up the opposite of everything Ian just said.
Nick. You were just the first guy that came along after the scene. That's why she's talking to you. I just want to gag as he keeps pouring on the syrup.
Joshua needs his time to redeem himself. Let's give him a chance!
Shawn decides he needs to go look for her and catch Kaitlyn and Nick sucking face. He does NOT take it well. Explosion #2?
Before we can find out, it's off to commercial, then we're back with Kaitlyn recapping how she was shocked after talking to Ian, but feels so much better after talking to Nick.
At least the phrase, "here for the right reasons," hasn't been coming up over and over.
She justifies the kissing in that she needs to make sure the physical side has to be there.
Kaitlyn finally comes in and tells everyone what happened. She can't even finish before Chris Harrison rolls in clinking his glass.
We're down to 11 now, and Nick, Ben H, and Shawn have roses already.
When are they going to go back to a rose at the end so we can remember who has roses without wrecking our brains?
The rose ceremony will take place out in front of the Alamo. Some people are sure to "Remember the Alamo." Chris Harrison chats with her a little bit first.
Kaitlyn isn't really too hyped up for this one. She is falling in love though...
- Chris who would pull his own tooth for a rose
- Ben Z
JJ hopes Shawn has a pillow to scream into and has a good cry.
I may scream alongside him.
Kaitlyn has been told by more than one guy that Nick is one way with the guys and another way with him. Kaitlyn can't trust the guys though. She has to go on her feelings. As they walk through the park, there are a bunch of pigeons around, and she's really afraid of birds. It's really annoying.
They come up on a couple of Riverdance street performers, and they join in. Then, Nick buys Claddagh rings (from a street vendor) for them both to wear... on their left ring fingers. This is not going to be good when the guys find out.
Blah, blah, blah, he mumbles over lunch about having to meet her. I really, truly, seriously, cannot come up with one thing I find appealing, attractive, or interesting about the guy. I didn't get it on Andi's season either. Evidently, no one else does either based on the reaction I just got from my question on Twitter.
Back at the hotel, a knock at the door signals a date card...
"Nine fine men in Dublin she met..." (The poem/riddle goes on, but I don't catch it all to type it out.) Tanner, Ben Z, Shawn, Jared, Ben H, Chris.
JJ and Joe will be going on a two-on-one. Do or die.
And the date with Nick keeps continuing on and on and on. In a church, they share a candlelight dinner. As they suck face, it's as irreverent as a Madonna video.
All through this date Nick's voice over has been about how they can't keep their hands off of each other. We get it. Ugh. Handsy. Then, she gives him a rose.
Nick makes her "feel like a woman. Like a desired woman." She invites him to go "hang out" at her hotel for a while.
When she's with Nick, she forgets about the cameras and that there are any other men involved. She's just ready to go back to her suite and "whatever happens, happens."
At the hotel, Shawn and Jared carry on about how they wish they were on the one-on-one. If only they knew. Shawn still can't get a read on Nick and questions intentions. Shawn and Jared anticipate Nick coming back with a rose.
Meanwhile, Nick and Kaitlyn enter her room. Let's just say, there's no question where it's going, especially as she whispers, "come with me," and the door closes. A microphone picks up way too many sucking noises and hushed whispers to put it mildly. WWAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY TOOOOOOOO MUCH! The Twittersphere agrees.
The next morning, a disheveled Nick leaves and Kaitlyn gushes on about how awesome he is.
But, she's feeling guilty because she cares about other guys and wonders what she would have done if Britt and Chris had done the same thing. I don't know who she is talking to out on the balcony.
Nick comes in and recounts his date. When Joe says, "Shawn got to go back to back to Kaitlyn's place for some extra time too," there is a flash of jealousy in his eyes. You just expect him to blurt, "I bet he didn't get the time I did." The men going out on the group date come in all dressed up for their date. This time when he recounts his evening again and brags about how great his date was. He says the date was intimate and personal, but just short of the full story. He uses the word intimate to say what happened without admitting what happened. A tease to see if anyone picks up on it.
Kaitlyn is worried that Nick might "kiss and tell," then some of the guys might leave.
Thankfully we go on a group date, and we're away from Nick for a while. As they come up on the date, Chris Harrison tells the men that Kaitlyn is dead... for today.
Today's date is a traditional Irish wake. Evidently, it's taking place in the back room of a pub. As she lays in her coffin, she can't keep quiet. All of the men are supposed to give a toast to Kaitlyn.
Tanner is up first and does a hilariously appropriate poem about not having gotten a one-on-one date and wondering how he got a rose.
Jared does his little thing and leans in to kiss her. Chris finds it disgusting because who kisses a corpse? He then sings something about her teeth to the tune of "Danny Boy." Dentist cliche.
Ben H's eulogy proclaims himself the final winner and that she died pecked to death by birds
Shawn's speech has her committing suicide, saying he understands and would have done the same thing if he had to spend all day with Nick. Everyone finds this funny, even Kaitlyn. They all toast to that.
Ben Z cleared the room so that he can do his speech in private. She's worried he may take it too seriously since he lost his mom at a young age. He wants to keep it lighthearted, but he struggles.
Then an Irish band comes in and they have a little celebration. The date after party is at the Guinness brewery. All they need is to get more drunk.
When they first start taking Kaitlyn off, Ben Z explains why he wasn't able to be as relaxed in the situation as the others. They have a serious heart-to-heart.
Jared compliments her being a beautiful corpse. They have a good laugh. Share some affection. What else is new?
Ben H and Shawn get deep about the rose and how likely the group rose will seal the deal for a hometown.
Everything has been eating on Shawn for a while. Kaitlyn notices that he's been "off" today. He shares pictures of his Irish family with her.
When it is time to give out the date rose, it goes to Jared. Shawn's angst is sure to get the better of him. How quickly it goes from being "the one," to not being the one.
After getting the rose, Kaitlyn takes Jared off for more alone time rather than giving Sean his validation. They wander off to the church for another Madonna video. This time it's a private concert by The Cranberries. Alright, they've waited a while for a private concert. Jared says something about it being his favorite band, and that just proves that the whole show is scripted. Have they ever had a hit other than "Linger" or whatever song they sang on the show?
The rest of the guys are trying to figure out how Jared got the rose. Everyone is disappointed, but Shawn must have had some Red Bulls in his drinks because he is uber jittery. He says, "I love that girl." That makes Chris uncomfortable to hear. Oh seriously.
Shawn finds some production member (the only person he trusts around here) and freaks out about how they laid on his bed for six or seven hours and told him he was the one. Supposedly they spent a lot of time off camera. All the other guys follow him to over hear. "I can't do this man!"
When they get back to the hotel, he goes to Kaitlyn's room. She anticipates something big... involving what she did with Nick. She too is crying in her interview about, "I can't do this anymore."
Then, we cut to the previews of next week. Lots of drama and tears. Lots of tears.
I'm annoyed because I'm going to probably not be able to live blog next week from a business trip.