Monday, May 22, 2017

Here I am blogging about The Bachelorette again. #thebachelorette

Photo from ABC.com

I said at the end of last season's The Bachelor that I probably was not going to blog this season of The Bachelorette. After some down time, I decided I was especially in a blogging rut, so here we go.

This time around, the woman in search of love is Rachel Lindsey, the 31-year-old attorney from Dallas. The first non-white lead contestant which is what many critics said needed to happen long ago. There's a definite racial variety in the men this time around.

Rachel thought she had something going on with Nick, but went home after hometowns last season. I don't know why anyone was interested in Nick. But, we finally get to move past Nick.

Rachel met four of the men at the end of "The Women Tell All." Gotta be honest. I forgot about that and didn't include anything about it on my post about that episode.

On Good Morning America, she talked about telling producers she wanted to be entertained, so the parade of men coming out of the limos like a clown car is sure to be a circus.

Before the limos come, we have to do some special videos introducing some of the guys. I'll mix that info in down below when we get to the limos. (Marked with *.) I will never be able to keep track of all 31, by the way.

I'll just skip the whole segment where the other women from Nick's season (aka some of Rachel's closet friends) show up to encourage her and give advice. I was hoping to never see Corinne again, but... Some of the women talk about which of the four from "The Women Tell All" night that I don't remember. Someone knows someone who knew one of the guys, and he might not be there for the right reasons. Yawn. Already?

When Rachel arrives at the mansion, Chris Harrison asks if she really thinks she'll be able to find her husband since she was so skeptical. Cue first limo.

Peter - business owner - 30 - Madison, WI - I hate his blue plaid jacket. He also has a bow tie. I hate bow ties. It's cheezy. Wisconsin. Cheese.

*Josiah - prosecuting attorney - 28 - Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Family is big to him. He lost his brother to suicide after being bullied for being overweight. When Josiah was 7, he cut his brother down from the tree where he hung himself. He got into trouble as a teenager, and decided to work toward being like the lawyer that helped him to turn his life around. He has a tux with a bow tie. He says by the end, she "will have no reasonable doubt." I think she groans more than laughs at the law pun.

Bryan - chiropractor - 37 - Miami, FL - He speaks to her in Spanish. She gets that he said she looked spectacular. He's Columbian.

*Kenny - professional wrestler - 35 - Las Vegas, NV - I dislike him already. He's dramatic and sure to be cocky. He does have a daughter he wants a mom for. He makes a better first impression than I figured. He had a little dance move that stuck a chord.

Rob - law student - 29 - Houston, TX - It's the season of law, evidently. He's a nerdy white guy.

Iggy - Consulting Firm CEO - 30 - Chicago, IL - He's either Hawaiian or from a Polynesian Island. I bet he surfs. He wears sneakers with his tux. I could be so unfairly stereotyping him though.

Bryce - Firefighter - 30 - Orlando, FL - He comes in dress uniform and literally picks Rachel up off her feet.

Will - Sales manager - 28 - Miami, FL - He does his best Steve Urkel impression, gets back in the limo and comes back out "normal." I hated Steve Urkel back in the day, and I am not any more fond of the whole routine now.

*Diggy - senior inventory analyst - 31 - Chicago, IL - Diggy has 575 pair of sneakers and is obsessed with fashion. Diggy also talks about himself in the 3rd person.

Kyle - marketing consultant - 26 - Los Angeles, CA - He wants to show her his buns - his Jamaican buns.

Blake K. - US Marine Veteran - 29 - San Francisco, CA - Representing the Asians and pointing out his grandparents only only knew each other a couple of months before marrying. They have now been married 65 years

Brady - male model (they had to denote the male part?) - 29 - Miami, FL - He brings a block of ice and giant hammer so he can break the ice.

Dean - startup recruiter - 25 - Venice, CA - One of the men who already met Rachel. That night he made a crack about wanting to go black and never going back. He's nervous tonight to see how she reacts. He was nervous about the line, and asked what she thought. She says she thought it was cute.

Eric - personal trainer - 29 - Los Angeles, CA - Dancing is his jam. He's kind of awkward.

DeMario - executive recruiter - 30 - Century City, CA - This is another guy she already met. She did remember him. On WTA, he had tickets and a ring to fly to Vegas.

*Blake - Personal trainer and aspiring drummer - 31 - Marina Del Rey, CA - He talks about being testosterone driven and how his last relationship was sex-driven. Can't stand him either. He arrives with a marching band. Now I get why the aspiring drummer part was his caption earlier. It didn't make sense out of context at the time. He met her on the live show, and she did remember. Last time was evidently a boring and awkward intro. (Peter was impressed with the entrance and thinks he should have stepped up his game.

Fred - executive assistant - 27 - Dallas, TX - He brings a yearbook of when he was in third grade. Rachel was in 8th grade. He hasn't seen her in 15 years. She knew who he was as soon as he stepped out of the limo. She remembers him being a very bad kid.

Jonathan - tickle monster (no real job?) - 31 - New Smyrna Beach, FL - He is a weirdo. Something about his eyes. He wants to try to make her laugh, so asks her to hold out her hand, close her eyes, then he reaches in to tickle her. She dies laughing because she is so ticklish. Talk about awkward though. You can't just do that the first time you meet someone. He tickles some of the guys too. #uberawkard

Lee - singer/songwriter - 30 - Nashville, TN - He brings his guitar (and he isn't good) and makes up a stupid song I didn't understand.

*Alex - information systems supervisor - 28 - Detroit, MI - He's a gym rat who claims to be a nerd. I'm not sure what language his parents were speaking in the clip. Greek? He has a vacuum and claims to be part of the clean-up crew. I don't get it.

Milton - hotel recreation supervisor - 31 - North Bay Village, FL - He takes a selfie.

Adam - real estate agent - 26 - Dallas, TX - Brings his dummy, Adam, Jr. with him. It's odd. He doesn't have a moveable mouth, so it's not like he's going to try to be a ventriloquist.

Matt - construction sales rep - 32 - Merick, CT - He arrives dressed as a penguin. He heard she had a thing for penguins, and penguins mate for life. He waddles into the mansion.

Grant - ER doctor - 29 - New York, NY - Arrives in an ambulance.

Anthony - education software manager - 26 - Chicago, IL - He's soft spoken. These men are coming in quick, so there's not much to say.

Jamey - sales account executive - 32 - Santa Monica, CA - There's nothing to say about him.

*Jack Stone - attorney - 31 - Dallas, TX - He's an only child who was a momma's boy until his mom died in high school. Now, he wants to have a big family. I have no idea why we get his last name with the limo arrivals.

*Mohit - product manager - 26 - San Francisco, CA - His greatest accomplishment is launching his start-up. He is big into Bollywood dancing, even competing.

Jedidiah - another ER doc - 35 - Augusta, GA - They talk about his name being Biblical.

Michael - former pro basketball player - 26 - Chicago, IL - He seems short to have played basketball.

*Lucas - Whaboom - 30 - Woodside, CA - He has his own catch phrase, "Whaboom!" which much mean "loser." He needs to go already. Much like "twin," Whaboom is his job description. He has a t-shirt with it on there. I can't even explain how he makes an annoying fool of himself when he does his thing. From the limo, he has a megaphone announcing himself, including TMI about one of his man parts being bigger than the other. The men had been talking about how most guys had seemed normal up until now. This is what they have been waiting for.

That was definitely not saving the best for last. I'd say the opposite. 

As soon as Rachel comes in and does her toast, the first guy to ask for time is Josiah. The rest of the men are kicking themselves. Josiah tells his story. She loves full circle stories, and she says it's a beautiful one. The guys figure they are comparing "best case" lawyer stories.

Dean, who looks kind of plastic, moved to LA to be near the beach, so they play in a sandbox to build a sand castle.

There's lots of jumping around from snippet to snippet of conversation. Adam Jr. is hanging out on a couch with a glass of champagne. The men think he is creepy. Rachel is a little creeped out and tells Adam so.

The penguin wants to have a Michael Jackson vs. Prince debate. Rachel says, MJ, but penguin is on Prince's side.

Rachel has some time with Fred. She was his camp counselor when he was a horrible kid. She finds him attractive now, but she can't get over remembering him getting into trouble.

I find Bryan creepy. He's a chiropractor who is good with his hands. She was drawn to him when he got out of the limo. He likes her speaking Spanish to her. He sneaks in of the first kiss, and it was not just a pick. She enjoyed it even though she had planned to not kiss anyone that night.

Cue first impression rose delivery by Chris Harrison...

By the way, let me insert here that this is the most maddening night to blog. I have had to pause so many times to get everyone's info that I'm running behind.

Back to the men bickering and name calling. Who is compensating?

DeMario asks, "NSync or Back Street Boys?" They agree on NSync. She was impressed with his confidence on WTA.

The men start becoming obnoxious breaking in for time. They come in droves. They start to form a line. They start cutting in line.

The drunk of the night is evidently Mohit. Maybe it's Wahoo, I mean Whaboom. The doctors want to call a psych consult for him.

Random fact... Rachel doesn't like chocolate. Peter tries to bond over Wisconsin though. I don't know what tie she has to Wisconsin other than she dated Nick who was from Wisconsin (wasn't he?).

Whaboom gets his time. He takes off his jacket, and we learn the t-shirt is sleeveless. She might actually be entertained even though the rest of the guys hate him.

One guy's thing is to purr in her ear.

Rachel learns of Kenny's wrestling name and his daughter.

It's time for Rachel to give the first impression rose. She received it on her season and hopes it means as much to the man she gives it to as it did to her. She pulls Bryan out. "I don't know if it was how you told me I was going to be in trouble. I don't know if it was you speaking in Spanish... or the kiss..." He goes in for another kiss after he gets the rose. I don't see what was so intriguing about him myself, but to each their own. 

Mohit witnesses the kiss and screams, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" After he picks up his jaw from off the ground, that is.

Everyone gathers so that Chris Harrison can clink his glass. It's time for Rachel to prepare for the rose ceremony. 

So, we all know the producers will have her keep the ones that annoyed us. She has to have a cheat sheet somewhere since there are 31 and there's no way she remembers all the names. Here we go.

  1. Bryan already got the first impression rose.
  2. Peter
  3. Will, will you accept this rose?
  4. Jack
  5. Jamey
  6. Iggy
  7. Eric
  8. DeMario
  9. Jonathan (The Tickle Monster weirdo)
  10. Bryce
  11. Alex
  12. Kenny (I think he will go far after watching him more - watching him as the first video, I wasn't so sure.)
  13. Dean
  14. Matt (the penguin)
  15. Anthony
  16. Brady
  17. Josiah
  18. Lee
  19. Diggy
  20. Fred (even though he thought history was going to get the better of him)
  21. Adam (he was told to leave Adam Jr. behind)
  22. Blake E. (he seems possessive - he will go quickly)
  23. Lucas (who Whabooms his way to Rachel)
No one can understand the final choice. It was obviously a producer choice.

In the light of day, going home...
  1. Kyle
  2. Mohit (who will never get to Bollywood dance for us)
  3. Rob (gotta cull some attorneys)
  4. Blake K. (the former Marine)
  5. Milton (he didn't get to show all his outfits he brought)
  6. Michael (maybe she didn't want to do former pro athlete - I thought he would stick around a while)
  7. Grant (chiropractors over ER doctors, all the way it seems)
  8. Jedidiah (the other ER doctor)
With that, we see some highlights of the season. 

Lots of travel, lots of face sucking, lots of drama. Then, there's the tears. Questions about "the right reasons." Lee is going to be the country boy fight picker. Someone has a girlfriend. Some bleeding. 

Here's a spoiler. On GMA this morning, Rachel said she was allowed to say she was engaged and she's extremely happy. 

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