Top 5 things moms of boys need to know
What might tomorrow’s world look like if today’s mothers
took the responsibility for their sons’ futures and raised courageous young men
who seek the heart of God in every situation? Accomplished author and
speaker Rhonda Stoppe answers that question in Moms Raising Sons to Be Men. Well-acquainted with the struggles
faced by modern mothers and sons, Rhonda challenges every mom to hand her son
his manhood—and then partner with God in upholding biblical rules and defining
clear boundaries while creating an environment in which her son can grow
independent and spiritually strong.
To be the
mother of a son is not for the faint of heart. I remember when my son was born.
Looking into his little face, the feelings within me were somehow different
from four years earlier when I had given birth to my daughter. I felt so
inadequate as I weighed the responsibility of molding this baby into a man. Up
to this point raising a girl had not been a difficult challenge. It was clear
that she was like me, with all the love for being a girl that she could
express. She loved shoes and colorful bows for her hair. She was extremely
social and adored her friends. And her daddy? Oh, she loved her daddy. Yes, relating
to her had been no problem at all. Yet
now in my arms I was holding a helpless baby boy who would grow into a man.
Honestly, even changing his diaper was intimidating with his recently
circumcised appendage. I remember thinking, I cannot imagine that soft little
face one day having whiskers. As I studied his hands so tiny and fragile, I
thought of how they may one day be rough and calloused like his father’s.
When you gave
birth to your son, did you find yourself imagining what kind of man he might become?
When it came to my son, I did not want to raise a momma’s boy, yet I wanted to
be his protector. I did not want him to be rough and reckless, but I did want
him to be strong. I wanted him to become a wonderful, godly man like his
father. As I took the little guy home, and he began to develop his personality,
I found my parenting overshadowed with fear of doing it wrong. I gradually
developed a sort of reactionary mode–he acted and I reacted. Rather than
following a clear path toward shaping his life, the fear of what I did not want
my son to be became my standard. I was merely putting out fires rather than
kindling the flames of my son’s character.
From my
experience, I’ll share with you the five things every mother of a son needs to
know.
1. He needs to know you love him
without condition.
Everyone is born with a longing to be cherished. When
children don’t feel loved by their parents there will be negative
ramifications. Adoring your baby boy comes naturally. But as he grows, learning
to love your son without condition can be hard once he gets to an age where he
may not measure up to your expectations.
Rather than hoping your son will change by regularly
reminding him of how he’s disappointing you, tell him how much you admire him
when he excels. And when he fails, he needs to know you love him all the more.
Regularly tell your son what you love about the man you see him becoming.
Loving God with all of your being is His priority for your
life. And when you love God properly what spills out of you will be His love
for your son (see Mark 12).
2. He longs for your respect.
When my son, Brandon, was an adolescent he began to push me
away. The harder I tried to pull him back, the more he would resist. Then it
dawned on me, “He is trying to become a man, and he thinks I’m keeping him from
doing so.”
Most sons know there’s no coming of man ritual in our
culture, except “don’t be a momma’s boy.” That means you can either hand your
son his manhood, or he’s going to fight you for it. When I deliberately determined
to show Brandon my love for him by showing him how much I respected the man he
was becoming, our relationship became so much better.
In Moms Raising Sons to Be Men, I share how my handing Brandon his
manhood took away his instinct to rebel against my authority.
3. He
wants to impress you.
When Brandon finished singing in his kindergarten pageant,
he looked for me in the audience. As I cheered wildly for him, he smiled and
gave me a wink. Brandon is now grown and a musician, but over the years,
whenever I have been in the audience, he has found me at the end of the
performance and given me a little wink.
Realizing how much your son values your affirmation is
vital to helping him find the courage to attempt new things. He can find
courage when he knows you’re there to cheer him on no matter what the outcome.
Brandon is now married to the love of his life. Now it’s
his wife he looks for in the audience, and it delights my heart to know he
winks at her after a performance.
4. He
listens shoulder to shoulder.
Our oldest son, Tony, didn’t come to our family until he
was 15. He had a convertible Jeep that he would work on at night, so in an
attempt to have good conversations with Tony, I would go outside and sit in his
Jeep while he worked on the engine.
As he worked, we talked about girls, his dream to become a
fighter pilot (he is one now), girls, his college aspirations, and more about
girls. All while Tony’s head was down in the engine, he spoke of his dreams and
allowed me to share words of wisdom with him.
I am confident if I had sat Tony across from me and said, “Let’s
talk,” he would not have spoken a word. But learning that men are most
comfortable visiting shoulder-to-shoulder, rather than face-to-face, equipped
me to meet Tony in a place where he would open up as well as listen when I had
something to share.
I’m confident God knit our hearts together on those hot
summer nights as Tony worked on his Jeep.
5. He will become a man.
Remind your son that you are on his side and your goal is
to help him become a man who has built the foundation of his life on a
relationship with Christ. This will help him realize how soon he will be grown
and how important it is to submit himself to becoming the man God would have
him be in order to build a no regrets life.
Repeat after me, “I’m raising a man. I’m raising a man.”
It’s hard to believe that soft faced little boy will one day become the man you
will look to for protection and counsel, but it will happen sooner than you can
imagine. When you help your son build a foundation upon God’s Word and wisdom
he’ll be equipped to one day choose a godly wife, and train his own children to
follow Christ. And one day He you’ll be surprised to find him caring for you
with his words of wisdom and godly counsel.
____________________________________________
Rhonda Stoppe
is the No Regrets Woman. She is
an author and speaker with more than 30 years’ experience dedicated to helping
women live life with no regrets.
Stoppe’s
wisdom and experience helps women:
-
Discover
significance in God and His specific purpose for their lives.
-
Connect
biblical principles to everyday decisions.
-
Develop
a loving marriage that others dream about.
-
Influence
the next generation by raising children with integrity.
-
Leave
a legacy of a life well-lived with no regrets!
She is the
author of Moms
Raising Sons to be Men,
If My
Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy & Other Myths Wives Believe, and two e-books.
Visit
her website at www.NoRegretsWoman.com
for more resources on love, marriage and
parenting as well as information about booking her for speaking events. Follow
Rhonda on Facebook (Rhonda
Stoppe No Regrets Woman) and on Twitter (@RhondaStoppe).
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