A Stress Test for Moms
Part 2 of an
interview with Debora M. Coty,
Author of Too Blessed to
be Stressed for Moms
Q: When your kids
were young, what were some of the biggest stressors for you as a mom?
One of my most niggling pet peeves is depicted in this
little song I wrote one night while staring at the minefield that was my
kitchen floor. It’s sung to the tune of “Three Blind Mice.” Go ahead — sing
along. Then just try to stop.
“Chunks” by
Debora Coty, lyricist extraordinaire
Chunks, chunks, chunks;
I’m standing in the chunks.
Chunks, chunks, chunks,
Everywhere there’s chunks …
Bananas and crackers and pizza hunks,
They’re gooey and sticky and oh so plump;
Can’t tell if they’re from Junior’s mouth or his rump,
These chunks, chunks, chunks;
Chunks, chunks, chunks.
What can I say? It’s not Taylor Swift … but give her a
few years.
Q: How do the
“shoulds” in a mom’s life cause her more stress? Where does the pressure come
from, and how can a mom learn to turn off the pressure valve?
Should is a dangerous word. It’s a stress-filled, pressure-packed slave driver.
It ruthlessly inflates the bulk of a mother’s to-do list, often crowding out
healthy sanity-essentials with guilt-induced clutter:
·
I should
go to that parents’ meeting.
·
I should
make the time to bake brownies for my new neighbor.
·
My mother thinks I should cook a big dinner every night like she did.
·
I should
clean my house, so the kids will stop writing notes in the dust.
·
I should
do more … help more … be more.
But as every mother knows, more isn’t always better.
Sometimes it’s just overwhelming. You know, we can be whelmed without being
overwhelmed. Whelmed is livable; overwhelmed is strangling. We just need to recognize that
we truly do have the power to choose which shoulds
are potential coulds, then
unapologetically embrace the woman our choices make us.
Here are a few suggestions to morph performance pressure
from strangling to livable:
1.
Be stress smart. When you’re slammed into a
stress mess, take a mom’s time-out. Sit down with a cup of hot tea … close your
eyes … tune into Papa God’s heartbeat … feel
His peace that surpasses all understanding. Slap guilt to the curb when the
tyranny of the urgent attacks; you are
important. Everything else can wait a few minutes. I promise you the world will
not end while you regroup.
2.
Avoid BOOP (Boiling Oatmeal Overflow Phenomenon). I believe women are like pots of oatmeal; at the beginning of the day,
we simmer — little manageable bubbles of stress rise to the surface and
harmlessly pop. However, as the day progresses, the heat escalates and the
oatmeal boils higher and wilder and meaner until it overflows and spoils
everything around it with a nasty, ugly, sticky mess. The key to avoiding BOOP
is knowing when to remove the pot from the burner.
3.
Be a dipstick. The Lord puts only enough fuel in your daily
tank for you to arrive safely at the destination He routed out for you. All the
detours you add will either run you out of gas or land you in a ditch. Check
your tank, review your destination, and then engage in the Three Ps:
Prioritize, Plan, and Pace yourself.
Q: Why is it so
important for a mom to put away her to-do list on occasion and take time for
herself? How does this benefit the family as a whole?
The old saying is spot-on: When Mama ain’t happy, ain’t
nobody happy.
Q: We live in a
world where we are constantly attached to our electronics. How does being so
dependent on electronics as adults influence the physical, social, emotional
and spiritual health of the children?
Because of our own excessive use of electronic devices in
our quest to stay connected, we moms
may become unavailable to attend to subtle developmental needs of our children.
We’re so preoccupied we assume they’ll somehow figure it out on their own. But
it just doesn’t work that way. If we want our offspring to learn crucial life
skills in order to become successful adults, we have to intentionally
intervene.
Physical: Advances in technology have produced a generation of stagnant kids
cemented to their (or their parents’) e-devices. Without the stimulation
provided by physical activity (play) that helps develop gross motor
coordination, improves nervous system function, builds muscle strength,
increases stamina, burns excess energy, and controls weight, we end up with a
bunch of tech-savvy marshmallows. Smart, but weak and fluffy. To balance the
deficit, arrange physical activity for your child at least three times weekly.
If you can coordinate play time with other moms and kids, you’ll earn bonus
points in social and emotional development too.
Social: Chronic use of e-games, mind-numbing movies, and addictive social media
produces kids who haven’t a clue how to get along with others, show respect,
share, be a gracious winner or loser, use good manners, or fulfill the biblical
mandate to build others up (“Encourage one another and build each other up,” 1
Thes 5:11, NIV). The best way to equip your child with lifetime socialization
skills is to spend face time together, and I don’t mean the electronic kind.
Eat meals together as a family, have tickle fests, pillow fights, silly-string
wars, designate a weekly family night and play interactive games like old
fashioned board games, cards, and outdoor flashlight Olympics. Do something fun
together; laugh! Make these happy romps a loving demonstration of how to honor
Christ through interaction with others.
Spiritual: We moms are more than willing to storm the fiery gates of hell to
remind the hot mess with the proverbial pitchfork who are children really belong to. But the best way to
storm the gates of hell is to storm the gates of heaven. And which petitions
could be more effective than those in the Word ordained by the Creator of the
universe? “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any
two-edged sword” (Hebrews 4:12, NKJV). So I recommend pouring God’s own Word
over your children by the use of Hot Fudge Verses, scriptures tailored as
personalized prayers for each specific child. For example: Psalm 3:3 (NIV):
“You are a shield around [child’s name]_______, O Lord; bestow glory on him/her
[choose one] and lift up his/her head.”
Q: What advice do
you have for letting go of Mom-Guilt?
Shame and blame can weigh us down like a suitcase full of
rocks. How do we unload? Here are some ideas:
·
Buddy up. Recognize that you’re not the only one
lugging those overloaded bags around the airport. Find or form a Bible study or
support group of sister-moms; you don’t have to navigate this journey alone.
“Resist him [Satan], standing firm in the faith, because you know that your
brothers [and sisters] throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of
sufferings” (1 Peter 5:9, NIV).
·
Label your baggage, then lose it. Mom-guilt has
many subgroups: nursing versus non, working versus stay-at-home, daycare
choice, mode of discipline, DIY remorse, Pinterest inadequacy, birthday party
inferiority, pressure to join, to name a few. We even view our child’s sports
performance and academic achievement as reflections of our mothering. So, give
it some thought. What is the source of your nagging guilt? Own it. Ask
forgiveness, if need be. Then drop it. Now leave it down there; do NOT pick it
back up. Trust that Papa God can and will redeem your poor mom-choices. It’s
called grace. “And the God of all
grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a
little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast:
(1 Peter 5:10, NIV).
·
Shake the mental Etch-a-Sketch. So, you screwed
up. Again. Who said you have to be Supermom to prove your worth? Certainly not
Papa God — He doesn’t ask for perfection; He asks for humility. And if you’ve
been a mom more than one day, you’ve got plenty of that. Don’t let the mistakes
of yesterday ruin today. You get to start over! “Don’t copy the behavior and
customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing
the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will
know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is” (Romans 12:2, NLT).
Q: What other
books and companion releases are available in the Too Blessed to be Stressed product line?
More than a half-million copies have been sold in the Too Blessed to be Stressed line, and
more creative products are coming out every year in bookstores and online
(outlets such as Amazon and CBD); even in many grocery stores, airports, and
department stores. In addition to the original book, a few of the items are:
·
The award-winning 365-day devotional, Too Blessed to be Stressed: Inspiration for
Every Day.
·
Too Blessed to be Stressed 3-Minute Devotions for Women offers short, pithy snippets for women on the go to start the day out
with Papa God.
·
The Too
Blessed to be Stressed Cookbook offers more than 100 stress-free recipes,
each requiring less than 20 minutes’ hands-on prep.
·
There is a Too Blessed to be Stressed Coloring Book with beautiful images and
inspiring scripture to enable you to color your way to calm.
·
Each year there is a new edition of the Too Blessed to be Stressed Planner. It
is a purse-sized planner and chockfull of daily encouragement. It is absolutely
adorable!
Some of these items are available in Spanish, and even
Portuguese. You can find out more about them on my website.
Readers
can connect with Debora Coty via her website, deboracoty.com,
or on Facebook (AuthorDeboraCoty), Twitter (DeboraCoty)
and Instagram (DeboraCoty).
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