Sunday, June 1, 2014

It's a good thing this isn't The Bachelorette's Got Talent

One night of The Bachelorette is enough in one week, but here we go on four hours this week. Hopefully, since I am watching via DVR, I can type fast enough it won't take me as long tonight to blog on two hours. I recognize what a waste of my life this is, but yet, I do it anyway.

This week, we start off at a resort in Santa Barbara because evidently the two week lease is up on the Bachelor mansion. That's about as long as we stay there any season now. It's all about the advertising Benjamins. I just hope that some day I can go to a resort just 10% as awesome as any of the ones they visit.

The first date card arrives quickly, before anyone can do their scripted commentary on how great it will be to go to a resort to visit Andi. That will come soon enough. The date card reads:

"Nick... Let's ride off into the sunset. < 3 Andi"

Nick is a software salesman from Chicago. He's not the most attractive in the bunch. He got the first impression rose because of some "unexplainable" connection. That's the word Andi uses, and I'm glad it's not just me trying to figure it out. I went back to read my first impression of him when he got out of the limo, and I commented that he wasn't impressive to me.

Bike riding. Splashing around at the beach (oh goodness, not again). A less flashy date.

Back where the guys are lounging at the pool, Andrew pegs Nick as a skeptic rather being positive about the process like the others. He thinks (seriously?) that Nick could possibly not get a rose. Well, sure that's a possibility, but do you really think that?

I give Nick props for being more realistically minded about how this may or may not go. More people probably think that way on the show, but at least he doesn't overact the part.

Oh, I spoke too soon. He admits to having a crush on her. He may be getting giddy after all.

Later that night, they have dinner at an old courthouse courtyard. That's a lot of court. They talk about how most of his good friends are married. Andi asks, "how is it that you are single." He had a long term high school girlfriend, and when they broke up, he had a rebound relationship where he was "engaged for a minute." She likes that he can talk about it and why. I don't think he would if she didn't bring it up, so...

Meanwhile, the next date card arrives while some of the guys lamenting over not having a date this entire time, meaning a week. C'mon, there were only three dates last week and only a few didn't go on any. Quit whining. Only two guys got one-on-ones. Quit playing the martyr.

"Brian, Marquel, Cody, Tasos, Brett, Ron, Bradley, Josh, Eric, Andrew, Patrick, Marcus... Let's things off on the right note. Love, Andi"

Some guys assume karaoke. Maybe. Maybe not.

Back with Nick, I'm more convinced of his awkwardness. He mumbles on about a past relationship, I guess. I don't even know what he's talking about. Maybe it's worst/best case scenarios. At least Andi gets it because she thinks they have a lot in common. He gets his date rose. And a kiss.

Andi thinks she can make the skeptic a believer.

The guys head off on what they know will be a musical date. Some admit their lack of talent, while some assume that Bradley, as an opera singer, will have an advantage during the date.

At the Music Academy of the West, Patrick runs up to give her the first hug. Reminds me of Peyton and her cousin Frankie at church three years ago. It's a classical music training center which may freak some of them out. She's going to separate the boys from the men. What she means is that they are going to sing with Boyz II Men.

The kind of reminds me and annoys me that I missed their portion of a concert I went to last year. I arrived as they were leaving the stage because there were not any no name opening acts. Moving on.

The guys are mostly all star struck as they enter the room where Boyz II Men are singing "I'll Make Love to You."

Evidently, most of the guys were in 7th and 8th grade when they had their memories of the group. I think that was not at their peak, because most of these guys are younger than me, and I thought that's how old I was. Maybe I was in high school. Andi says they will be singing the aforementioned song, "I'll Make Love to You" at which time, Bradley makes a fool of himself by breaking out an operatic version.

Josh, the former baseball player makes fun of him on his private interview. I agree with Josh. I think the real singers thought it was a bit much too. Bradley in his little interview talks about having won a contest at this academy before. Oh gag.

Alright, now it's time for "Rehersal Group 1" to practice around the piano. Josh could have been worse. Cody is awful - he's hoarse. He got kicked out of choir in 7th grade. I can't say much. I changed classes to get out of choir in 8th grade because I could not sing the right notes to "What Shall We Do with the Drunken Sailor."

Brian is not good. Marcus, as Eric describes him, "sounds like a chicken being strangled." Patrick doesn't sound much better. Bradley makes me want to shoot myself. Ron is bad too. Tasos is worse. Marquel is trying to bring his A game.

One of the guys from Boyz II Men (I only know Shawn Stockman's name because he was a judge on The Sing-Off) tells Andi she sucks.

The twist of the date is that they have to sing at a concert.

The guys show up at the street concert all dressed in matching outfits, actually, there are two sets of six dressed alike. Nerds. Boy ties and backwards hats. This isn't "Motown Philly" time.

After a few songs, the time has arrived. Bradley is going to be disappointed if he doesn't get the group date rose because he is in his element.

Let me share a few things with you Bradley:

Even though you may be used to performing in front of thousands, that does not mean you won't still make a fool of yourself.

Boyz II Men sing R&B. They do not sing opera. Their songs are not written for the operatic style. 

Is it impossible for an opera singer to sing in a non-operatic style?

I am not impressed.

Of course, he has to start off the song to show off. Josh at least tries. Cody is awful as is Brian. It's a toss up as to who is worse. Marquel so wants to be a stud. He's not in this case. Neither is Ron. Andrew is creepy. Then, all the white boys forgot the words to the song. Tasos tries to showboat for the ending. Being the worst shouldn't be a competition.

In the audience, they show a little girl covering her ears. If I weren't typing, I would too.

Photo from http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelorette/photos/seasons/10/episode-1003/media/episode-1003-2

Boyz II Men concludes that if this is a way of determining who she should go home with, she should go home alone. I fully concur. 

At the cocktail portion of the group date, Andi talks about how it was such a great date and how awesome it all has been. Maybe she's deaf.

The first person Andi takes off is Cody. She tells the camera that she's going to mess with him a little bit. When she sits down for her conversation, she says to him that she tries to stay out of the drama of the house, but she has heard some chatter about Cody having a girlfriend. He says he hasn't had a girlfriend in three years. She starts laughing when she adds, "and she's a stripper!" I guess they thought it was funny.

Eric is up next, and Andi asks if it was different for him on this date after their first one-on-one. He wonders if their connection has faded. And men think that women over think things.

Back at the man suite, a few of the leftovers who didn't go on the group date are awaiting the next date card... in the hot tub together.

"J.J. - Love is timeless, < 3 Andi"

Farm boy Chris and the other guy, whose name doesn't come to me right now, but sort of looks like Matthew McConaughey are left behind this week. Dylan, I think his name is Dylan. Andi must find him forgettable too since he wasn't chosen for a one-on-one or the group date this week.

Andrew can't find anything flawed about Andi. Look harder.

Marcus is going after his first kiss. Having gotten the group date rose last week, he feels the pressure. She still thinks he's in the background much like she was. He tells her he wants to kiss her, to which she replies, "it's about time." He feels confident about the rose.

Josh gets his time, admitting his nervousness about the day, driven by forgetting the words and how he feels for her. He too gets in on the kissing action. Her count ranks up there with Juan Pablo's. Josh has a feeling me may get the rose too.

When it comes time to give out the rose, Josh does get it. Marcus was "drawn back and upset." How he says it has a stalkerish obsession sound behind it.

As they go off to commercial, the guys sing, and the producers insert dog howling. Well played producers, well played.

Now, on to the final date. J.J. gets his first date on the show. Musing on how she wants to have a lasting marriage like her parents, that leads into the two of them getting hair, make-up and costumes in order to look like old people on their 50th anniversary. J.J. looks awful. Bad make-up job. Andi doesn't look bad.

They go out on the boardwalk to see if they can fool anyone. They are too hunched over to convince anyone. They talk in a loud whisper to sound old--unrealistic. I think the people they ask to take their picture are suspicious they are on some hidden camera show. The non-digital camera is part of it, I am sure.

Back at the new Bachelor mansion, or wait, is it the old one? Maybe they all just go to Santa Barbara on their dates, and she's the only one who moved. Anyway, all the guys are sitting around talking except for Ron who is on the phone and wants the cameras to get away from him during his conversation. Some of the guys seem concerned.

Returning to the old people date, after riding their electric scooters to another section of the park, they are tossing a football around with more gusto than the elderly would have. Everyone is really looking at them weird now. He's more fun than anyone she's ever dated. She climbs on his back, he gets on a scooter on a skateboard ramp, and they get on the tire swing, showing agility no one in their late 70s would have. However, they are having fun and it's kind of funny thinking about seeing supposed old people acting like this in the park.

The next scene cuts back to mansion where Ron is packing to go home. He comes down to tell the guys he is leaving because a close friend of his passed away.

In a shift from the serious to the so not serious, it's back to the electric scooters, and sharing hard candy on a park bench. They ride the carousel and share a kiss. She laughs about kissing an old man. I've lost track on the kiss count.

Photos from http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelorette/photos/seasons/10/episode-1003/media/episode-1003-1-007.

Later that evening, out of their costumes, Andi and J.J. finish their date. He thanks her for thinking he would be the right person for this particular date. He shares of having always had quirky differences and having trouble getting along socially. Andi does ask questions deeper than most bachelorettes, probably because of her level of education.

Back at the house, Dylan talks with Chris about how he needs one-on-one time to tell Andi about his whole story. He lost both a brother and sister to drugs. He doesn't want to bring it up in a 5 minute conversation though.

Now, back to J.J., they talk past relationships. His longest relationship, 14 months, was with someone too similar to him. In an opposites attract way, he thinks this might work for them. After a fun date, he gets his rose.

Finally, we are to the point of the night where we find ourselves at the cocktail party prior to the rose ceremony.

Down to 15 men now with Ron's departure, the 12 men without a rose are fighting for the remaining roses.

Eric is the first we see trying to get his time in. "I don't know if I ever thanked you for that first date." Awkward conversation starter, sort of, as Andi reassures him, "Oh, you did." He digs for her to say the date was her best so far. Their moment is interrupted as a delivery of flowers arrives with a really long note from Nick. She's grinning away reading while sitting there with Eric. It throws him off his game.

Already having a rose is not enough for Nick though. He gets more time when Andi pulls him aside to thank him for the flowers and get more make out action.

J.J. decides to stir up trouble by talking to Josh about how Andrew got the hostess' phone number at the restaurant the week before and started bragging about it. The two pull Andrew outside to confront him about it since that is disrespectful to Andi and the process. Andrew smirks as he tells them he isn't going to get into this with them, turns around and walks off. They follow him as he walks upstairs and closes himself up in a room. Since the first episode, he's struck me as shady.

Dylan must have followed them upstairs as J.J. and Josh share with him in the hall. Meanwhile, Marcus has Andi out in the shadows to give her a note and have his own make out session. He's a little over the top this early in.

Andrew emerges from his room to confront his accusers. He said he was handed a phone number, and yes he showed the rest. Andrew's story is that he was handed it rather than pursuing it. He doesn't agree that he was bragging. One one side he says he's ready for a throw-down while on the other he calls the men who confronted him low lives that are not worth his time.

It's rose time! Recap: Nick, Josh, and J.J. have roses.

  1. Marcus
  2. Brian
  3. Marquel
  4. Tasos 
  5. Cody
  6. Patrick
  7. Chris
  8. Eric
  9. Dylan
  10. Andrew
J.J. looks like he may cry with that last rose announcement.

Going home are the hairstylist, Brett, and Mr. Opera himself, Bradley. He loves to be loved and he loves true love. He's very emotional, kicking himself while he is down as he leaves. I would have sent him home too. Among several others. I'd be weeding these guys out quick.

YAY for more weeding tomorrow night!

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