Thursday, January 7, 2016

Just what I needed


I'm not going to lie. There have been some things really bugging me lately. 

After several big ugly cry sessions on New Year's Eve, I'd been on a better mental and emotional plane the past several days. Last night with a friend, I was actually able to talk about a certain subject without tearing up. After last week, that's practically a miracle. Although nothing had actually changed or been resolved, even in the moment I really noticed I had a sense of calm.

Then today happened. 

Something at work really stressed me out, and a feeling of anxiety started building up. 

After I finally came downstairs at the end of the day, I called to talk something unrelated with Mom, Dad answered the phone. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, we had an argument the other day about something, and we're walking on eggshells with each other at the moment. He brought up something that I really didn't want to get into today. I calmly told him I didn't have the solution to the problem at the moment, but I didn't really want to get into that at the moment. At least that didn't start another fight. 

On some level that whole thing that happened on NYE is always somewhere nagging on me. 

As I log on to make an online to pay a bill and contemplate what it is I'm going to blog about since I need to catch up a couple of days here, while I am on the computer, I decide to anxiously click back onto my email to sort of address the work issue. Then, I get to thinking that I'll probably get an answer about the time I'm actually trying to get to sleep because I can't stop myself from checking my phone. The anxiety built and built, and I started feeling funny. My stomach was already feeling wonky. I hate this feeling. I used to feel it all the time.

With my laptop in my lap, and my phone beside me, I get an alert on my phone and check that it was an Instagram alert. I scroll a little bit, and see a short, paraphrased reference to the verses above. 

Just the reminder I needed. Deep breath. Pray. 

One one side, I feel in regards to certain things I've done a lot lately, but I know I need to do more.

There are some things I do have a little bit of control over in a manner of speaking. There are so many others that I don't. The very thing I need the most at this moment is that peace. I just have to make my requests made known. 

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