Tuesday, September 6, 2016

I predict exactly ZERO of these #BachelorInParadise make it to a wedding

Tonight we pick up with the regrets and doubts of the morning after final dates. I know there will be proposals even if there doesn't have to be, but I doubt anyone makes it down the aisle. By "doesn't have to be," I mean that yes, The Bachelor and The Bachelorette end in proposals, but who said the expectation at the end of Bachelor in Paradise had to mean engagement just because Jade and Tanner got engaged.

Evan and Carly are happy. Evan is trying to write poetry or rap or something. He's rhyming anyway.

Grant and Lace seem to be regretting more than their tattoos. He's not sure now that he wants to be engaged. Lace thinks they probably won't make it if they don't get engaged. Do or don't, they probably won't.

Nick and Jen have a nice breakfast in bed. She feels good with where they are at. She sees a proposal at the end and wants to leave Paradise holding hands with Nick. He loves everything about her, and evidently thinks it is better than the mornings with Andi and Caitlyn.

Amanda wants to wake up next to Josh forever. She feels more happy and content with him than with anything. She's not worried about him meeting her daughters. He realizes he needs to be mindful of the children given how fast everything has been moving.

RING PICKING TIME!

Evan thinks it's the biggest day of his life. Supposedly Carly knows more about him than any girl in his life. Not even the mother of his children? He says he's been ENGAGED before. I'm confused. I thought at one time he was a "pastor." So was he never married to the kids' mom(s)?

It seems as though all four men go to Neil Lane to pick out a ring. We see a glimpse at Grant. Neil asks Nick how many times he's going to go through this? This is the third, but evidently there will be four. He won't propose unless he's 100% sure though.

When Josh comes up, Neil gives him the choice of three rings. Of course, Neil knows Josh too. Josh is getting nervous because it's really starting to sink in that Amanda has kids.

First up: Evan and Carly. 

This is more than Carly ever thought would happen in Paradise. They may be done when he gets home and see how repulsed she was at their first kiss -- or when she finds out he was faking his illness. He's saying all this stuff about their weird relationship. She's in tears. He's in tears. He pulls out a rink and asks, "will you freakin' marry me?"

First time I've heard "freakin'" in a proposal, but guess it works for them. She accepts his final rose and vice versa.

Next: Grace

The fact they combined their names and got tattoos of it proves stupidity. Since they got tattoos, if he doesn't propose, she's going to be heart broken. She does want to be with him, or so she says. She's nervous because of how they left it in the suite.

She does all the talking at first. Grant finally speaks. He says once he met her, he knew that as long as Lace was in his life, life would not be boring. He did decide to pick a ring and propose. The ring barely goes over her knuckle, it appears. They will not last. There's no way.

Nick and Jen???

She says she's ready to move forward with Nick, but what will happen since we know he is the next Bachelor. Jen talks first. Their attraction was great... he makes her want to be vulnerable... he's been hurt before, but has let down some of his wall... she's fallen in love with him...

He starts crying. She hugs him. Then he talks.

Nick arrived hopeful, but by the time she got there he was almost ready to leave. Once she arrived she thought there could be something there. He says he is a better person since she got there. He wanted to say, "I love you," but just couldn't. He's just not feeling it. Something is telling him to say goodbye. His biggest fear is that he will regret it.

He walks her out to a car. Jen thinks his problem is that he needs to let go of the past.

Finally, Amanda and Josh.

She has never been so certain of anything. Josh loves her, but has reservations. Then again, he did last time too. He says there doesn't have to be an engagement right away.

Amanda starts by saying she had no expectations. Blah, blah, blah.

Josh says this is true love right here. Then, he has trouble continuing. He is so excited to meet her girls. I thought he was going to chicken out, but does pull out the ring. They trade their roses.

I had my doubts there for a minute. I still doubt they will last.

And with that, the dumbest show I watch comes to an end. 

The outtakes at the end summarizing the season and what's happened since was easily the best part of the whole season. 

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