Monday, January 1, 2018

Janu-arie 1 and #thebachelor has begun

ABC's The Bachelor official cast photo
Alright, let's do this. I have Twitter up and ready, about to start the latest season of The Bachelor featuring Arie Luyendyk Jr. If you are asking, "WHO?", Arie was on Emily Maynard's season five or six years ago. The powers that be obviously didn't think any man from Rachel's season stood out. For that matter, I guess that's true of the past several to go back six years.  

Emily dumped Arie at the end of her season before choosing another guy she didn't marry. He thought Emily loved him. He loved her. He's looking for what they had. His relationships since then have not had that.

This is making me regret spending the time earlier today watching that "Countdown to Arie" episode from a few weeks ago for my this post. Same family recap. Same visit with Sean and Catherine.

Time to roll in the women. If you saw the "Countdown to Arie" a few weeks ago, the women marked with * had a video highlight on the show (and most are repeated tonight). Tonight's special videos are marked with **.

*/**Caroline, 26, real estate agent, Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Claims she is really good at her job because of how much she has sold in less than a year. She grew up around cars, so she thinks they have a lot in common. He sells real estate now too. She points this commonality when they meet. "Maybe after this, we'll both be off the market."

**Chelsea, 29, real estate executive assistant, Portland, ME - She is a single mom, so get ready to hear about Sammy over and over during her time. She was glad to know Arie was the Bachelor because he was after a single mom in his season. He compliments her dress... long slit and backless. He calls her interesting.

*/**Kendall, 26, creative director, Santa Clarita, CA - She collects taxidermy which creeps me out. She hasn't had a relationship for over a year, but taxidermy is forever. She may bring her mini guitar with her. WHO HAS a stuffed SEAL? She serenaded her seal in her package. Thankfully, she doesn't mention her animals, but she was super nervous.

Seinne, 27, commercial real estate manager, Newport Beach, CA - All about whatever business connection they can get, I guess. She has a thing for elephants, so brings him elephant cuff links. "An elephant never forgets, so don't forget to find me inside."

*/**Tia, 26, physical therapist, Weiner, AR - They know how to find the Arkansas girls with the thick accents (like Raven). She's from a small town where they have to make their own fun like shootin' guns. Raven from Nick's season was her inspiration, we find out tonight. Didn't have that in her other package. She brings a gift, a little weiner. I spell that like the town as shown on the screen, even if spellcheck doesn't like it. He says he likes her.

Bibiana, 30, executive assistant, Miami Beach, FL - She welcomes him with an, "Hola!" He has her heart racing. (We are starting to go through the women faster while hearing voice overs from the women inside about their first impressions of Arie.)

Bri, 25, sportscaster, Portland, OR - She chunks a softball at him. She used to play softball.

Jenny, 25, graphic designer, Chicago, IL - We learn nothing except what is captioned on the screen about her.

Brittane J., 27, marketing manager, Los Angeles, CA - Even though you aren't supposed to put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari, she gives Arie a bumper sticker that says, "Nice butt."

Jacqueline, 26, research coordinator, New York, NY - I think she stands out as pretty in a way the others are not.

**Krystal, 29, online health and fitness coach, San Diego, CA - In addition to her beach videos, she works with her homeless after finding out her brother was homeless. She's the kind of Zen that gets to the final four, but dumped after hometowns. The show slows down when she comes out of the limo. She does a deep breathing exercise with Arie. I dislike her for many reasons already.

*/**Nysha, 30, orthopedic nurse, Anderson, SC - She likes bloody gunshot wounds and jumping out of airplanes.

Valerie, 25, server, Nashville, TN - I don't know if anyone can really pull out yellow. It looks like a pageant dress.

*/**Bekah, nanny, Los Angeles, CA - Her age wasn't given, but she looks about 19. (I think it's going to be an issue later, so it is undisclosed.) She describes herself as adventurous. Everyone on Twitter wants to know how old she is. She does have a driver's license because she drives up in a '65 Mustang convertible. Arie thinks she's beautiful. The women are jealous they didn't have a better entrance.

Jenna, 28, social media manager, Raleigh, NC - I think she was drinking before arrival, because she's akwardly doing some hand gesturing.

Jessica, 26, television host, Santa Monica, CA - She brings Arie a gratitude rock. She is grateful to share this experience with him. "Arie, will you accept this rock?" Oh, my. He thinks it's cute.

*/**Marikh, 27, restaurant owner, Salt Lake City, UT - She owns an Indian restaurant with her mom and hopes Arie is ready for her spice. Actually, some salt and pepper referring to his hair.

Olivia, 23, marketing assistant, Chicago, IL - She watched Arie on Emily's season (as a TEENAGER, I'd like to add).

Becca K., 27, Publicist, Minneapolis, MN - She makes him get down on one knee and puts a ring box in his hands. Then, there's a fake proposal that he obviously finds awkward.

Lauren S., 31, social media manager, Dallas, TX - The first of four Laurens, he likes her energy.

Lauren J., 33, recent masters graduate, New Roads, LA - She is wearing a white dress that makes her butt look wide. She brings Mardi Gras beads.

Lauren B., 25, tech salesperson, Dallas, TX - The women inside are already getting confused by two Laurens. Now there are two Laurens from Dallas.

Lauren G., 26, executive recruiter, Los Angeles, CA - This Lauren is black, so she will be easier to distinguish from the three blond ones.

Ashley, 25, real estate agent, West Palm Beach, FL - There are as many real estate agents (from Florida) on this show as there are Laurens. She steps out of the limo with her checkered flag. She hopes to cross the finish line. All the race car jokes crack him up.

Brittany T., 30, tech recruiter, Austin, TX - She tries to say, "You're handsome," in Dutch, but botches it up.

Amber, 29, spray tan business owner, Denver, CO - She sees a lot of ***** in her line of work and hopes he isn't one.

Ali, 27, personal stylist, Dallas, TX - She makes him smell her armpit, then makes a joke about the best pit stop of his life. I don't see her lasting until the end if she thinks that is great humor. That was just awkward.

Annaliese, 32, event designer, San Francisco, CA - She carries a loot bag and wears a mask, claiming she hears he is the kissing bandit. She plans to steal some kisses. He says she's a woman after his own heart.

*/**Maquel, 23, photographer, Orem, UT - She loves shooting brides and the fact their photos will follow the all their lives. She is too young for Arie. I can tell you that right now. Everyone can hear her coming because she rolls up in a revving race car, and flings her hair around as she takes off her helmet.

Now that all of the women have arrived, the claws will really come out as everyone fights for time.

Chelsea was the first to pull him away. She claims to be mysterious and gives teases. I can tell I am not going to like her attitude. Thankfully, Maquel interrupts quickly, but I don't like her either.

Jacqueline is more serious in their conversation. I think I like her.

There's lots of talking going on with women, among the group and with Arie.

Brittany T. takes him out to race mini cars, then gets the first kiss of the season. Chelsea is jealous.

Miss Taxidermy sings to him. Her original songs are horrible. One of the Laurens feeds him pineapple. Jenna gives him a foot bath and massage. She's hyper and ADHD. He can't figure her out, but he kind of likes that. 

Annaliese needs to take the mask off. It's gimmicky. She does let him take it off. They talk about nicknames. Arie points out he did not give himself the name, "The Kissing Bandit."

Most of the women are in the room together when Chris Harrison brings in the first impression rose.

Miss Spray Tan talks to him about spray tans again. Some of the women are still trying to get their time in, but Chelsea thinks she may be forgotten now, so goes back for seconds. She interrupts Krystal who Arie thinks has the most soothing voice. Psycho Chelsea has to make sure to get a kiss in so she can rub everyone's noses in it. She's not going to make friends, no matter how innocent she tries to act.

The graphic designer drew a picture of Arie to give him. It makes an impression. Not enough impression though.

Arie and Bekah sit in the car talking about what makes them excited to be alive. I don't like her.

Arie finally comes in for the rose, and walks back out. Bekah leads a group of women to go out and find out where he's going. Much to the angst of 99% of the Twittersphere, the rose goes to Arie. He likes that she came back for a second time, but tells her to start opening up. Chelsea says she's not competitive by nature, but goes after what she wants. She's sort of like a cross between Olivia and Corinne from seasons' past.

Chris Harrison comes in to get Arie so that everyone can prepare for the rose ceremony.

As the sun rises, the time has come to give out roses.

  1. Becca K.
  2. Marikh
  3. Kendall
  4. Lauren G.
  5. Krystal (her smile hurts my face to watch)
  6. Bekah M. 
  7. Lauren S.
  8. Seinne
  9. Caroline
  10. Brittany T.
  11. Bibiana
  12. Annaliese
  13. Valerie
  14. Jacqueline
  15. Jenny
  16. Lauren B.
  17. Ashley
  18. Tia
  19. Maquel ("Why did you do that to me?," she quips about getting the last rose of the night. I want to punch the smugness off her face.)
Going home:
  1. Jessica (Whose dad met Arie somewhere before he died. I missed something somewhere. Now her dad will have never met her future husband.)
  2. Amber (No more spray tan conversations. She ugly cries.)
  3. Lauren J.
  4. Ali
  5. Bri
  6. Brittane J.
  7. Jenna (I never would have been able to tell the difference between Jenny and Jenna anyway. I thought Arie wanted to keep her, but maybe he got them confused.)
  8. Nysha
  9. Olivia

Arie tells the women that he's in the driver's seat and next week will be a little different. We shall see.

The episode ends with a preview of all the kissing and crying that will be happening this season. The age thing is going to come up with Bekah. Chelsea is going to play the single mom card, and everyone is going to grow tired of Krystal. 






1 comment:

Carrie said...

I'm laughing at your commentary and I haven't watched the Bachelor in years!