Monday, January 15, 2018

Just another traumatic life experience for one woman on #thebachelor

I am not 30 minutes late on starting this blog post because I actually cooked tonight and didn't give myself enough time after work to do that. I knew I should have waited to fix something in the crockpot tomorrow when it is supposed to be icy and gone to Whataburger.

I was getting geared up to start, then my laptop decided it had done it's 8 hours today and wanted to be cranky. At least I am back to my usual laptop after last week when it wanted to be stupid and do updates all day.

So, here we go...

Who are we going to get annoyed with tonight. Everyone may go off on Krystal this week, but I bet she stays around until the final four. I didn't do Bachelor Fantasy League this season though because I did horribly the last time I tried it.

Chris Harrison shows up with the first card. There will be two group dates and one one-on-one.

"Maquel, Jacqueline, Lauren B., Tia, Marikh, Bekah M, Bibiana, Krystal... It's all about the ring."

Some of them are rightfully worried about getting the snot beat out of them today because they figure it's a boxing date. Close, but it's wrestling. GLOB... Gorgeous Ladies of the Bachelor Wrestling. Two of the old school 80s wrestlers from GLOW are there to teach them some moves. The coaches get annoyed with anyone smiling and laughing and tries to get those women riled up. Like mouthing Bibiana's mom for how she spelled her name. Bibiana doesn't get that they weren't being personal, they were just trying to push buttons. Instead she's off in some corner crying. She's not the only one crying. Tia the wienie from Weiner is too.

Meanwhile, someone really does want to beat the crap out of Krystal. Bekah, as much as I don't like her, is at last wise enough to understand it's all an act. Arie has to ask Tia what's going on. She doesn't want to get hurt and admits she's being a crybaby today.

Chris Harrison comes into the practice and tells all the women they have to get their persona and costume backstage before they hit the ring.

Arie the Kissing Bandit has to wrestle one of the women to start the night. Pretty Boy Kenny King from Rachel's season his his opponent. Kenny was/is a professional wrestler and slams Arie up one side of the ring and down the other. Arie finally makes one move and "wins."

Bekah the Sex Kitten vs. Maquel the Lunch Lady. Not going to lie, I help Bekah goes down. Maquel falls victim to the whip at first, but ultimately takes Bekah down with a lunch tray.

Krystal is dressed like a leopard and takes out Jacqueline. That didn't go the way I wanted it to.

Lauren B. and Marikh have something weird going on. The women don't know what's going on either.

Tia, some kind of southern belle, vs. Bibiana the Bridezilla is the last round. Tia wins.

Later that night, they go off to some trailer park or something. They hardly get settled when Krystal makes sure she takes Arie off first. Arie tells her it's hard to be in the room with a room full of other women. After kissing, she asks if she is supposed to settle back or be aggressive on these group dates. He tells her to be herself. Krystal talking about this in her to camera interview makes me nauseous. Thankfully someone ended that whole thing pretty quick.

The other women take some time with Arie. Bibiana tries to tell Arie how respectful she is of everyone's time and making sure everyone has their chance. She complains specifically about Krystal. Arie really doesn't care about that. He just didn't want her to get caught up in the drama.

Bekah tries to explain WWE to the women when Krystal comes back on the scene making sure all the women got their time. You know, so she can go back for seconds.

Tia talks about not wanting to come off as weak. She feels safe with Arie, especially like when he comforted her that day. Kissy, kissy.

Back at the house, the remaining women anticipate the date card. The doorbell rings. The card reads, "Lauren S. - You had me at merlot."

Chelsea stews as she thought as a single mom she would get some special time so they wouldn't be wasting time.

Bekah and Arie talk about her longest relationship was 2 1/2 - 3 years. It must have been around the time she got her driver's license or all of junior high. It's been a long time since she's felt real chemistry. Probably back in chemistry class a few years ago.

When it comes time to hand out the rose, Arie gives it to Bekah. Krystal may have a stroke while trying to smile and keep her airy zen thing going on.

The next day, the women are lying around the pool and Krystal tells Marikh what a great woman she is. She wouldn't go out with this guy in 8th grade because he broke up with her best friend to go with her. She's too nice, she claims. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Lauren S. packs it up to go on her date. She rides out in a limo to the airport to take a private jet to Napa with Arie. Then, they take a limo to a winery. 

While drinking wine and eating cheese, they talk about how calm and peaceful it is out here at the winery and how they could live out here. They talk about him going to sleep earlier and earlier. They stroll around the rows of grapes.

That night over fake dinner, they have more wine. I don't know if she's tipsy or what, but she's rambling on about all sorts of things in a hard to follow way. It's all her talking while he's eating his dessert. Something about growing apart while on a business trip, a weird eye infection her mom had, something about college...

At the mansion, the women are gathered for the last date card to arrive. "Ashley, Becca K., Brittany, Jenna, Caroline, Chelsea, Annaliese... Love is ruff..."

Some of the women are crazy giddy the date might have something to do with dogs. Annaliese had a tragic experience with a dog as a child. What hasn't she had a traumatic experience with as a child? Wasn't she the one who was freaked out over bumper cars and motorcycles 
last week?

Back on the date, Lauren is still spazzing out. Arie picks up the rose. He tells her that he can't give her the rose tonight. The reason Arie gives is that he doesn't want to take her away from the family she is close to. After all, mom might have another eye infection. As tough as he tries to say it was, it wasn't all that hard. You can tell.

The violin music plays on for Arie alone, and someone comes in to get Lauren's luggage.

Krystal gives everyone a speech about how serious Arie is about this. She loved Lauren S. a lot, but she had opened up to Krystal about how hard it is for her to open up. (Ironic much?) Caroline walks out of the room because she is sad her friend left and wishes Krystal went home instead.

The next day, Arie brings his dog along on the date. Lots of other dogs join them to as they learn how to do tricks with dogs for a show later that night. Jump through this hoop. Jump on people's backs. 

Annaliese had a couple of scary dog experiences. Sunshine, her grandparents' old dog big her, and she almost lost her eye. All this happened while her parents were out of the country. Never before has The Bachelor created dramatizations like this. Only for Annaliese.

Speaking of never befores... Bibiana and Tia are talking about how they feel about missing out on the dog date. Bibiana says they need to pray. She prays that one of the women gets bitten by a puppy.

The women head off to some set up where they do a show in front of a live audience. Chelsea does not excel at getting the dog to do anything it is supposed to. I mean like no dog does what it should.

Neither Ashley nor Jenna has any better luck. For that matter, neither does anyone else.

Later that night, they head to an old bank turned restaurant and bar. As soon as they get settled in, Arie pulls Chelsea away. It was tough for her seeing all the children because she misses her son. To the camera, she says she got the time first because Arie is serious about why he's here and the two of them have a connection. Sigh. She and Krystal just need to go try to one up each other off the show somewhere.

Pardon me while I take a nap while he talks to (who is that?) about past relationships.

Annaliese won't make a move, but talks about being behind in the game. Their conversation starts off very awkwardly. The whole thing is bad, actually. Chelsea comes back for seconds which is a relief for Arie.

Becca K. had a reconnect, I mean make out moment. However, she didn't get the rose. The rose goes to Chelsea. Sigh.

On to the cocktail party before the rose ceremony.

Arie arrives, gives his speech, and the battle is on to spend time with Arie. Arie starts by pulling Seinne outside. After all, she didn't get a date this week.

A few women have their time, then Bibiana decides to make her move. She doesn't want to wait around, after all, she had set up a telescope and was ready to do something special for him. When she goes out, Arie is with Lauren B and he wants five more minutes. Arie keeps taking women out to the area that Bibiana had set up for them. Guess that didn't work out for her.

Arie and Bekah M. have a special moment. He's really becoming more and more into her.

Arie set up some hay bales and got some moonshine for Tia. They have a semi-drunken moment.

Meanwhile, all the women compare what positions they were in when they kissed Arie. Annaliese has not been kissed here or there, she has not been kissed anywhere. Not in the house, not with a mouse. Not in a box, not with a fox. She's seeing where this is going. She's heard that Arie likes the girls to make the first move. She leads him off somewhere and says she wants a kiss. She asks him about the first move. He says he doesn't think they are there yet. That's a big signal because she may be the only one he hasn't kissed.

Kendall starts her fake accent thing and takes him off. At least, I think that is Kendall. He kisses her. Someone is a drunken hot mess (Jenna?). I can't keep track of all the blondes, if I'm honest.

Chelsea tries to comfort Annaliese. She then goes back out to find him again. Everyone wants to watch and listen to what happens this time. Annaliese puts Arie on the spot and asks if there's no hope. He says he now feels like there isn't a future for them. He goes ahead and cuts her loose. I guess we won't see any more re-created moments this season.

Some of the women take this moment to freak out. Get it together, ladies, it's time for roses to be handed out.

To recap... Lauren S. and Annaliese are gone. Bekah M. and Chelsea have roses. Only one more goes home.

  1. Caroline
  2. Kendall
  3. Ashley
  4. Lauren B. (the only Lauren left)
  5. Brittany
  6. Becca K. 
  7. Seinne
  8. Krystal
  9. Tia
  10. Maquel
  11. Jenna
  12. Jacqueline
  13. Marikh
That means we are finished with Bibiana's sass. Will he ever know that he made out with a number of other women on the day bed she set up for the two of them?

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