Monday, May 28, 2018

Another season of blogging on the insanity that is #thebachelorette

I am actually a night behind in posting this because while this week's episode was on, I was at Peyton's softball game. By the time I got home, I had no desire whatsoever to start blogging about The Bachelorette.

The fact that it is now 9 PM, and I've found numerous excuses such as working late, going to get something to eat, browsing Wikipedia regarding an old TV show and playing games on my phone, I obviously am not that excited tonight. That actually applies to blogging in general lately. The reason I actually need to back post five days on the blog. I may or may not get some of that done later, depending on how long it takes (hoping FWD through commercials helps, but I now I will be pausing a lot while describing the arrival of the men) and if my battery holds out on the laptop since I didn't bring down the power cord.



So Becca... is she over Ari? It was pretty traumatic how he broke up with her, but in how he went about it, I would say, "Good riddance!"

I've already started hearing spoilers about her falling in love with two guys and now being engaged. I guess we'll see if that lasts.

Of course, we have to see a recap of the proposal and the break-up. Let's hate Ari all over again. Becca talks about heading back to Minnesota after being dumped. She talks about wanting what her parents had. She visits with her family who tells her it all happened for a reason. She still wants to find love. That's why she is going through the experience again. Oh, whoops, journey. I read on a BuzzFeed earlier this week about it has to be referred to as a journey. That and a lot of other craziness that makes the show, or the process, so ridiculous. I thought I wasn't going to be able to find the link, but here it is: 18 Behind-the-Scenes Rules that every The Bachelor Contestant is Required to Follow.

We have to see the Bachelorettes of seasons past give their advice. Rachel, JoJo and Katelyn talk about their rejection followed by Bachelorette and engagement .

JoJo then brings out sage and does a cleansing of the house. They may not have gotten rid of the "juju," but they did set off the fire alarm. JoJo points out that all three women that are still engaged had their first kiss on the first night when the man they gave the first impression rose to, then ended up with.

I don't even know if that sentence was coherent.

Before the limos arrive, we will meet some guys. I'll include more info about them as I give the limo arrival rundowns.*

*Colton, 26, Former NFL player, Denver, CO - He was born on Super Bowl Sunday, so figured it was destiny to be a football player. Until he got injured. His little cousin has cystic fibrosis, so he has a foundation that helps other kids. He likes to have fun, so brought poppers so he and Becca could start things with a bang. They pop confetti out.

Grant, 27, Electrician, Danville, CA - He has a tall forehead. That's about all I think of him. Not a big first impression.

*Clay, 30, Pro football player, Chicago, IL -  He shares that his dad is black and his mom is white. We see a big family dinner with both sides. He's played for a lot of teams in the past 9 years. He says he is not the typical football player. He seems soft-spoken, so maybe he is not. When he arrives, he tells her that he has caught a lot of passes in his life, but he if ended up with her, it would be the biggest catch of his life.

*Jean Blanc, 31, Colognoisseur, Pensacola, FL - Jean Blanc is originally from Haiti and neither I nor spell check know what is occupation is unless it means his job is to smell good. He collects watches, ties and has more than 100 bottles of cologne and likes to smell good in the morning. What do you know? I've watched this show long enough to figure out what made up job titles mean. He plans to blow Becca's nose away. He wants to teach her a little bit of French as his sch-tick. As he walks away, she does comment on how good he smells. I wonder if the producers fed her that line.

Connor, 25, Fitness coach, St. Petersburg, FL - He wants to ask her one thing. He tells her to close her eyes as he gets down on one knee and does a mock proposal. Insert eye roll.

*Joe, 31, Grocery store owner, Chicago, IL - He deals in produce and knows his yams. Actually he got his start in selling watermelons to stores. His parents met and married in a short span of time. He has a cocky attitude about how attractive he is that seams typical of Italian men from Chicago. His arrival is rather low key, but he's willing to marry her at first sight he tells the cameras when he goes in.

John, 28, Software engineer, San Francisco, CA - He has distinctive facial features. I can't tell you what exactly it is, but he has a unique appearance. He talks about his grandma's advice on love.

Leo, 31, Stuntman, Studio City, CA - Speaking of unique looks, he has all his long curly hair piled on top of his head. He lets his hair down, and Becca wants to touch it. She says it's like her sisters. Think Fabio, but with dark hair.

*Jordan, 26, Male model, Crystal River, FL - I don't know why they had to add "male" in front of the model description. However, see my note above about pretty boy types. He describes himself as a pensive gentleman. It's taxing to be a model, he says. Lots of upkeep. He's kind of awkward. As he walks away, Becca comments on his shoes. He wanted his shoes to make a noise (tap) as he walked away. Something about the heartbeat of a gentleman. He hopes his fashion sense takes him far.

Rickey, 27, IT Consultant, San Diego, CA - He compliments Becca, but we don't get much else on him because we keep getting cut-ins of Jordan yammering on about his suit and style.

Alex, 31, Construction Manager, Atlanta, GA - Again, not much on him because we keep hearing from Jordan. I think Jordan complements Alex's tie when he gets in. 

Nick, 27, Attorney, Orlando, FL - He arrives dressed like a race car driver or something. Becca and I are both confused. He does take off the jumpsuit and says something about how he usually makes great opening statements. Leo is confused by this race car driver ensemble since it would remind her of her ex, Ari. 

Mike, 27, Sports analyst, Cincinnati, OH - Speaking of questionable choices, he brings a cut out of Ari saying he needed to see Becca happy with other guys. Mike has a man bun which turns me off from the get go.

*Garrett, 29, Medical sales rep, Reno, NV - I don't know what is up with his personal introduction of himself in the video reel. He's into fishing. As long as he doesn't use his fake midwest or Canadian accent or whatever it was he was doing, he's kind of attractive. (Side note: the men are usually pretty boy types, and I don't find many of them particularly attractive.) He arrives in his own mini van, touting how he wants to be a dad. They check out the van before he heads in.

Blake, 28, Sales rep, Bailey, CO -  We have met Blake before. At After the Final Rose, he rose up through the audience on a horse named Bradley. "When you fall off the horse, you have to get back on," he proclaimed. He wanted to help her get back on the horse. She has to get up side saddle because she was in a dress with quite the slit. Keeping his sch-tick alive, he arrives at the mansion this time on some kind of horned animal. She wonders where he is getting these animals. Already his feelings are as strong as an ox. I guess that was an ox.

*Lincoln, 26, Account sales executive, Los Angeles, CA - Lincoln was born in Nigeria. We actually "met" him as one of the five that Becca was introduced to on After the Final Rose. I confess that I only recall this because I went back to an old blog post to pull up details. That night, I wrote, "First up, a man with a bow tie and an accent. It's Lincoln (like the President). A charming black man who says it's his birthday. He says he is blushing, but you can't tell for obvious reasons. He's taking up all the time we might have had to meet other men by nervously chatting." Carrying on the cheesiness of before, he brings along a piece of birthday cake.

Chase, 27, Advertising VP, Sanford, FL - His line is that it's all about the chase. We also met him on ATFR. he was one of the men going on about her deserving better that. At the time I said his big hair on top was going to get on my nerves. It doesn't seem particular high tonight.

Darius, 26, Pharmaceutical Sales Rep, Sherman Oaks, CA - He was also a gusher on ATFR. He  apologized on behalf of all men for what happened to her. Doesn't make a big splash upon arrival tonight.

Ryan, 26, Banjoist, Manhattan Beach, CA - I am amazed Banjoist is a recognized word according to spell check. He's the last of the ATFR men. He didn't bring the banjo tonight. The fact he played it and wore a bow tie was two strikes against him in my book. The bow tie he is wearing tonight only confirms that for me.

Christon, 31, Former Harlem Globetrotter, Los Angeles, CA - I am never going to spell his name right. It's the last limo, so we are rushing through people now.

Wills, 29, Graphic desginer, Los Angeles, CA - Just a quick hello.

Jason, 29, Sr. Corporate Banker,  Seattle, WA - He creates a secret handshake.

Kamil, 30, Social media participant, Monroe, NY - He makes Becca come out and meet him half way because relationships are about compromise. I'm guessing that social media participant means he spends all day on Twitter, not getting paid for it. #loser

Jake, 29, Marketing consultant, Minneapolis, MN - He looks like he is wearing leggings and a pair of Toms when he gets out of the car. Hopefully they were just skinny tux pants. His shoes are terrible though. Becca recognizes him as being from Minneapolis. He is an acquaintance, and she is unimpressed.

Trent, 28, Realtor, Naples, FL - He arrives in a hearse and claims he LITERALLY died when he found out she was going to be the Bachelorette, but she brought him back to life.

Christian, 28, Banker, San Diego, CA - He's also peculiar looking. Jordan thinks he should be wearing socks with his loafers.

David, 25, Venture capitalist/chicken, Denver, CO - He arrives dressed as a chicken and calls out her name as a chicken noise. He makes other chicken related jokes such as not being there to ruffle feathers.

Chris, 30, Sales trainer, Orlando, FL - He plans to win over Uncle Gary's heart. He is/was a preacher, so he brought in a gospel choir. They sing about having a rose.

You can actually watch all of them do a short intro video on the ABC website. I'll add there's a mix of races this time (at least white and black - not sure there's anyone representing the Asian or Latin population), not just what seemed like the "token" exceptions as in some years past.

It has taken me almost two hours to get to this point of the blog, an hour into the show with an hour to go and I am having a very hard time staying awake here in my chair as I type. My eyes are watering tired.

The first guy to pull Becca away after she comes in and does her little speech is Connor. His hair bugs me. It displays his cocky.

So that Becca will remember him, Clay wants to build something of clay. They must talk a while because they did actually make figures.

We see a minute of this guy, a minute of that. One guy teaches her some dance steps, one reads her a poem he wrote.

Christon teaches her some basketball tricks. All the men come out to witness.

She seems to bond with Blake. They are on the same page. This seems odd to me because this is the ox guy. Is she really into Mr. Ox?

The first impression rose arrives, so the men get tense.

Cue some weird massage wand, a bracelet from Haiti, and the chicken dance. Becca evidently enjoys her conversation with the chicken.

Jordan is sitting around waiting his turn. He doesn't ant to talk to the chicken though.

There's some fly fishing in the pool with Garrett (who she thinks her family will like).

Chris takes a couple of guys out and tells them Chase may not be there for the right reasons. Chris knows Chase's ex-girlfriend who thinks he's just trying to revamp his marketing company. The guys say that yes, he should question Chase. Cue the early drama. Chase claims he and this girl only went out for like a couple of weeks.

When Chase talks to Becca, he confesses the drama coming up already from Chris. He wants her to know that the whole thing is nothing. He brings Chris in to talk it out. She says, "This is my first two-on-one." I'm going to guess neither of these guys get the first impression rose. This is a bit much for her not knowing anyone yet. These are two of the most unattractive guys in the house, by the way. She might cut both loose because this is too much too soon.

Becca talks to Jake, the guy she had met before. She wonders why he is here since they have run in the same social circles. Since they have met multiple times in the past, she wonders what's up since there's been no interest in the past. He has one recollection of meeting her before. Only one. Having met him before, she's ready to send him home already. She doesn't want to have someone around that she's actually met before. He thinks he's had a transformative year and isn't the guy she met before. Becca doesn't think he's actually there for her though. Something about him didn't rub her the right way. He's the first one sent home. He doesn't take it well.

Becca comes in and tells the guys she sent him home because there was no interest in the past when they had met before.

From there, we get a few more quick one-on-one conversations.

She comes back for the rose and calls Garrett outside. The mini van made an impression as did the fishing. He also gets the first kiss.

Chris Harrison finally comes in to get Becca ready for the rose ceremony.

I don't think that Jordan ever talked to her, but he says it wouldn't be fair to Becca if he did not get a rose. how does he figure? He has some backwards reasoning.

ROSE CEREMONY TIME!
We started out with 28, but she already sent Jake home. Garrett has a rose.

  1. Lincoln
  2. Blake
  3. Rickey
  4. Jean Blanc
  5. Christon
  6. Clay
  7. Wills (what's {good} unusual is six of the first seven roses were given to darker guys)
  8. Connor
  9. Jason
  10. John
  11. Ryan
  12. Alex
  13. Nick
  14. Trent
  15. Colton
  16. David (the chicken, so this has Leo a bit puzzled)
  17. Jordan (he is a fashion model after all, he would be embarrassed if the chicken stayed and he went)
  18. Leo (he's just glad to say since he's a different looking guy)
  19. Mike
  20. Chris 

That means the six men going home are: Kamil, Joe, Chase, Christian, Darius and Grant.

There are some I'd have cut loose already that she kept. Like Jordan.

So, that's it for this week. The previews for the rest of the season are typical. Travel and tears. Secrets and lies. Drama and childish behavior.

And for some reason, I'll be here blogging it all.

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