The tuba test

So, online dating. Or let's even get down to simply meeting people online because in my case there is not online dating going on.

There are a couple of things I cringe at. The first is every Sunday night when our preacher asks the children the third of his three most important questions you will ever answer. "When you grow up, who are you going to marry?" "A Christian!" While I completely agree with this, especially in theory, sometimes the answer is, "NO ONE!!!" Jenny has cringed with me at hearing this as well. It's not just me.

The other thing that makes me cringe is eHarmony commercials. Actually, they wreak havoc on my gag reflex if I am completely honest.

Once upon a time... actually, twice upon a time, Audra went to eHarmony and spent two plus hours taking her free 40 point personality profile. This time and effort to get a message, "I'm sorry, but you are not compatible with anyone on our site. This result does happen to a certain percentage of people who take our test."

Wow. Thanks eHarmony for confirming what I had been wondering about myself. Sheesh.

I do know people that have found compatibility on old eHarmony. In fact, a co-worker just married the guy she met on there. I really don't know much more about her experience than that. She has tried to convince someone else in the office to try though that person will never give in.

One of my friends has been going out with a guy from eHarmony too. His grandfather or great father one was forced into Hitler's army and other relatives were connected to the mob. Interesting combination, huh? I've not met him, but do a nickname for him based on this information. (He latest news is he is not going to make the cut. She is already communicating with someone else on

Now I am going to back up this story to tell about my own attempts.

About 9 years ago, there was a larger group of singles at church that did things together. All the guys that were ever associated with our group of friends have gotten married, moved off and had children. The women? Still single.

Anyway, one of our discussions was about joining the Church of Christ Singles website. I had looked around the site before and was not terribly impressed by the variety of potential matches on the site. I remember expressly protesting joining by saying, "but all the guys that are on there play the tuba."

People joke around about "band geeks," but in my mind and the understanding of those around me at the time, playing the tuba was a whole other level of geekiness.

So one of the guys went ahead and joined. He was the one at the time most determined to find a mate. So he emailed and talked to some girls from the site. He was originally from another state and went home for the holidays. On his way back, he made arrangements to meet one of the girls he had been talking to.

When he arrived back in Texas, a group of us were gathered around at the church for lunch. He told us about his rather interesting experience. A story of how this girl just wasn't going to work out.

And this particular friend hated more than anything to admit that I was right about anything. Imagine how it pained him to admit to me, "Audra, she really did play the tuba."

It was not too terribly long after that when I did decide to give the same website a try and paid for a three month membership. It was fun to get to know people in the chat room and flirt with a guy whose nickname was Captain Cupcake. He delivered ding-dongs for a living.

There was a group from the Dallas area that met at a Rangers game It was quite fun to meet up with 25 people that I had never met.  However, I cannot say I had any luck in finding a match. Only two guys sent me a message.

One guy could not type a coherent sentence if he tried. I told him I would not tell him any more about me until he posted a photo and info about himself. I kid you not, when he took a picture of himself he had a booger hanging in his nose. I'm not dissing taking your own picture. I take my own profile pictures all the time. What I am dissing is uploading a picture where you can see a booger.

The other email was from a mentally challenged guy who emailed everyone.

A couple of years later, I tried again for for another three month span. I think I heard from a guy in Africa that emailed everyone saying, "hey beautiful."

In light of the whole "is there anyone else out there other than the church stalker?" train of thought, I decided I would try again. So a month ago, I joined again.

Curious as to where this time is going? I haven't had a run in with a tuba player yet. Stay tuned because I do have an interesting story.


Ally Jones said…
Ok, so I loved reading this. Have many comments in mind; but keeping them to myself because it might get back to some folks in "The Can".

I have dated a Tuba player before and let's just say they do have their talents. ;)

Marriage is not for everyone but I have to admit when a person stops looking for a mate and starts looking for a friend that is when they are usually caught off guard and swept off their feet.

Ted has some cousins that found their mates later in their life after they had established themselves. I think this is a good thing. These men love the strong minded independent women they are. They were already past that goofy strange phase girls tend to be in from age 13 to 32.

There are a lot of strange men out there and most of them don't know what they want. If you are clear that you are not looking for love but for a friend, someone interesting that does not mind that a woman has an opinion, then you might find more than you expected.