Bachelor in Paradise: Nice guys sleep in jeans

I again lament that I miss my laptop. After two weeks though, I FINALLY heard from a tech support person, not the Twitter manager for support. Although they do not admit fault, and say that people can post anything on the internet about their experience (such as ruined hard drives of HP and other brand computers with Windows 8), there is not a recall, and even though my warranty is out, they will replace my hard drive if I get someone to install it. That’s all I really wanted. All I could really ask for. Thank goodness! I should get it next Monday.

My point in whining is that it takes me twice as long to do these recap posts when I have to jot down notes, then type them up and post. Thankfully, this is the last episode for a while. The Bachelor with Farmer Chris won’t start back until January.

I have other things I need to do anyway.

Ok, so to last night’s show…

Which of the six couples will make it beyond this episode? For that matter, how many will make it the next five minutes?

As everyone wakes up the morning after the previous night’s rose ceremony, there’s a weird feeling and something seems off. Everyone says it. Who knows why? There are lots of anxious bodies.

AshLee asserts that if everyone felt like she and Graham, it would be the best romance ever… or something like that. She sure has low expectations.

Chris Harrison informs everyone that it is the last week. There are no date cards. No roses. (Which is a lie on both accounts, but, whatever, Harrison.) Relationships will be put to the test. Harrison tells each person to really examine their relationships and ask if they really see things lasting when they leave Paradise. If it’s not real, they are supposed to pack it up and head home. With that, he leaves everyone to talk.

$ says people say you know when you know if a person is the one. She thinks she may know, but she doesn’t know, you know? She has no clue.

It’s about to become real when they have to decide if they are just interested in someone or if they really see a future. Are they just in the getting to know stage or do they know? Even if they know, they still have some getting to know to do. I mean, it’s been what, two months tops? Probably more like four weeks. Anyway, not long.

$ isn’t sure what to do with Cody due to her daughter. She’s having a battle of head over heart. Cody is all in, but…

So is AshLee. Or is she? She seems to back track on the seriousness of her relationship. Graham wants to know more before really knowing if there’s a real future. But AshLee rambles. She’s no longer as confident as she was. She’s interested in making it a go, but is no longer, “oh, we’re going to get married. We’re the most awesome couple ever.” Although Ash thinks $ is her BFF, $ is not sure about Ash, at all. $ leaves to go talk to Graham. Ash is so sure about $ that she has no worries. She thinks $ is either A) going to tell Graham great things about Ash or B) go to him to ask what she should do about Cody because she is so conflicted. Ash feels bad for $ and her situation because she has so much to consider. Ash is delusional. When Lacy asks, “aren’t you worried about what Michelle is going to say?” Ash has no concern whatsoever.

She should have been concerned. $ tells Graham he’s too genuine, authentic and sweet for Ash to do this to him. ($ and Graham have been good friends for a while now and they’re like family or something.)

Graham decides to get Ash and go for a talk. Ash thinks she can make him happy. She sees a spiritual, romantic, emotional relationship. Puppies and rainbows. Graham tells her he doesn’t feel great about their future. She doesn’t think they have to be the utmost serious as far as a commitment to stay. Graham tells her he still doesn’t see it. He’s not feeling it. She sure wishes they had talked before now.

Poor Graham just seemed like a good guy. Left exasperated on the beach, $ runs to comfort him. Ash takes it well until this point, then begins sobbing. She packs it up and heads out.

Graham says his goodbyes to the men and heads off too. He didn’t want to leave alone, but…

Seeing all this, Sarah is nervous because of the bad energy there has to be back over at the boys’ cabin at the summer camp.

Tasos and Christy decide mutually to leave because they’ve only been together like two days.

Jackie splits with Zack, fearful of Harrison’s seriousness on the matter.

Marcus and Lacy are made in Heaven according to everyone there.

Robert and Sarah decide to stay.

Cody is nervous about what $ is going to tell him. She admits to the camera that she’s up and down. $ says it’s alike a gun to the head, but for goodness’ sake, it’s a TV show. You aren’t going to be imprisoned if you make the wrong choice at the end of the day. You don’t have to get married tomorrow or anything. So, she calls her daughter, Brielle, to gain perspective about “a really cute boy.”

Of anyone associated with the show, this girl has the most common sense. She tells her mom it doesn’t matter if he’s cute. What matters is how he treats her. $ decides Cody is good to her, so takes a leap of faith.

Three couples are staying at this point, and three have left.

The next step for each couple is one more date (maybe no date cards, but definitely dates, Harrison). Again, Harrison tells them on these overnight dates to think of the transition to real life.

Now, at the thought of an overnight date, $ is really freaked out. She needs to talk to Cody about responsibility.
Lacy and Marcus

He hopes she finally says, “I love you.” After all, she doesn’t plan to say it to anyone other than the person she plans to marry. After lots of baiting from Marcus, Lacy finally spits it out. He’s everything she ever wanted. Cue make out session.

The next morning, they are as happy as they can be.

$ and Cody

$ needs to see if there are sparks or not. She feels safe with him, and he is genuine, but she’s afraid of it not working out though. Even though they have things to figure out, he wants her to be his WIFE. $ just tells him, “you’re not getting laid.”

Or does he? That threat probably lasted 5 minutes. The next morning she is not confused any more. She has a boyfriend. They evidently had quite the wild night. $ has to be bleeped just alking about it.

Sarah and Robert

She’s excited for romance. He’s glad they have some time alone. They have their hot tub time complete with tongue. Before long, they go off behind closed doors.

Robert comes back saying it was perfect. Sarah tells everyone they had a great night’s sleep.

Sarah is jealous of how happy everyone else is and compares her night to theirs. She’s far from giddy. She didn’t get the level of intimacy or romance that she wanted – or the room offered.

Evidently, Robert went to sleep while she was brushing her teeth and wore his jeans to bed. When she woke him up, he wanted to keep them on. He evidently didn’t want to touch her. Sarah cannot handle hearing everyone off.

Sarah takes Robert off and tells him the night was NOT what she expected and she’s breaking it off.

The way I see it, Robert was being respectful of the short timeline and of her. Sarah was not the nice girl she tried to give the appearances of being in the first place. He got blindsided by her reaction. He goes home upset, in tears, shocked by how things ended.

They should have just held out until they got home. They lived like 10 miles apart and should have seen what things would be like on a normal timeline away from the cameras.

After Sarah broke it off, she tells the other women of her expectations, and they tell her, “oh, you’re right in what you did.” Bull. I don’t think they were sincere.

And then there were 4…

Harrison pushes them to one more step of commitment. They have to be grilled by three couples who met on the series. Jason and Molly represent the “old married couple,” Sean and Catherine as the “newlyweds,” and Des and Chris as the “engaged, but not rushing to a wedding.” Each couple takes turns grilling the four remaining contestants, individually and together.

The three couples judge the two new pairs to be genuine and there for “the right reasons.” They play witness to the last rose ceremony. So much for no roses, Harrison.

Cody and $ offer each other roses after mushy speeches (gag) and go walking down the beach to their happily ever after.

Marcus is sweating profusely. Before exchanging roses, he needs a moment. He takes Ashley away to talk to her privately, except that one camera. As he walks away, you can tell even Marcus’ butt is sweating. Harrison comments as they leave to the jury about him sweating bullets.

Marcus starts his usual mushy monologue, then pulls out one of the biggest diamonds ever. Maybe he brought it with him just in case – not knowing who he would give it to – just that he would give it to someone since he falls so quickly. He drops to one knee to propose.

Chris brings the roses down, and makes them go through that formality after the proposal.

Then, everyone walks off happily down the beach.

The end.