Bachelor in Paradise - Where "love" is on fast forward

I'm ready to start a tweet war with HP because I have not heard from them re: my problem in over a week. Here it is Wednesday, and I'm working on Monday's posts because I had to take notes for my post again.

I know. Whiny first world problems.

I'm trying to get some things done for my classroom at church since the first Sunday of the quarter is just a matter of days away, so it makes staying up in the office to work on posts hard because I've been up at the church on some evenings.

All that said, my post is in progress. Check back!

And here I am at 9:30 on Sunday night finishing the post from MONDAY! That my friends is how this week has gone!


Tonight's show starts with some people surprised that Lucy went home last week. I have no idea why they are surprised, but the conversation quickly moves on.

Michelle, aka $ reveals that Cody has already said, "I love you." He has also made it known that he plans for his next girlfriend to be his wife. $ came looking for love, but after only a week, it's a bit much. Feel. The. Pressure. She tells him that she wants a slow, steady pace. In response to that, Cody says, "whatever it takes." In reality, wanting to take it slow makes him feel numb because he's 100% in. The thing is, if Clare had accepted his date, he'd be in with her. Some people are just desperate to have someone. Anyone. I know people like that.

That night, the first date card is for Marcus. When Robert reads the card, it actually says, "choose a Lacy." Sarah believes that Marcus and Lacy will get married and have tan babies.

The next morning, Marcus and Lacy go off exploring the jungle. He hopes to get an "I love you" from her on this date. They are supposed to descend into a Baby Jessica hole. (Do any of you remember Baby Jessica? She was an infant who got stuck down a hole and it took a rescue team days to dig her out in 1987.) It was so narrow that I wouldn't have fit down it.

One thing is for sure. Lacy cannot say stalagmites or stalactites. Of course, I can't spell them and had to use spell check to figure it out, but I do know what they are and how to say them. We've been on so many dates in caves, the show should be called Bachelor in Bat Caves.

No sooner than I say that and they are joined by a flock (?) of bats. Actually, I decided to educate myself and Google it. It is a colony of bats. Lacy is terrified and Marcus cusses his head off. Romantic, it is not. Marcus protectively is "a man for her." They come out on the other side to a beautiful picnic. Facing and overcoming their fears brought them even closer together.

In their conversation, Marcus says that Lacy is a lot like him --- very vulnerable. She says finally spits out what he has wanted to hear: "I'm on the same page. I'm falling in love with you."

Back at the house, Momma $, who is everyone's BFF, confides in Jesse, of all people, about how clingy and touchy Cody is. She can't stand that is afraid of being smothered. She's also not attracted to beefy guys either. $ cannot even remember his last name at this point. With that fact in mind, what does he know about her? Why she is seeking advice from Jesse about whether or not she should call it off, I'll never know. He's more the "love them and leave them" type, if you know what I mean.

In other news, Robert and Sarah are getting tight, but a shake-up may be on the way. It's time for a new arrival. Brooks from Des' season. Sarah has had a serious crush and went into the show hoping he'd be there. (Tricky how casting handled all of this.)

From French kissing (her actual terms) Robert to freaking out in .6 seconds. Brooks met Sarah before, and he was interested in her too. Knowing that Brooks would have arrived with a date card, Robert puts his arms around Sarah and makes a big X with his arms.

Brooks wants to talk things over with Robert and Zack to get a lay of the land. While Sarah is into Robert, she really wants Brooks to ask her out. There's no chance of that because Brooks abides by the bro code after Robert threatens his life. Robert calls her his "bay-bay." Oooooh Kay Robert. That's a little much.

Sarah admits her crush to Graham, for whatever reason. Jackie ends up in tears, all worried about the scoop  that Brooks is getting from Zack.

When Brooks comes back, not wanting to rock the boat even though he does want to ask Sarah out, he asks Jackie. Now Zack is all stirred up, wishing he had told Brooks that Jackie was off limits too.

Come date time, Jackie must have borrowed one of $'s sparkly across the forehead headbands because she too now looks ridiculous. As Brooks and Jackie leave, Zack says, "don't stay out too late!"

The normally level headed Sarah is now all shaken up.

On their date, Jackie is impressed when Brooks orders in Spanish. His first impression of her is "nice and cute." He says "cute" many more times. He's so into looking at her that he's not even paying attention.

Jackie explains she accepted a rose from Zack, but she and Zack have not actually had a date yet. Zack, it is revealed, had wanted to meet Jackie and shares his regret of not staking claim to Graham. Graham, the "old man" who is my age is evidently the wise father or older brother of the group. Graham is likely not enjoying his time there for various reasons.

Back on the date, Brooks and Jackie play Foosball. She's evidently a shark or something. They make kiss bets and it off.

Sarh is about to blow the good thing she has going with Robert by becoming obsessed with her crush on Brooks. Before she can go otu to break up with him, she finds a note on her bed from Robert. Robert has set a special time for them down on the beach. They talk about what expectations will be beyond the show. He does want to take her out on real dates in a real life context. She now realizes Robert is the guy for her after all. She was the last one I expected to take these 180 flip flops back and forth.

On the other side of the set, $ and Cody are having a serious conversation He concedes to her pace after he tells her that he does want to introduce her to his family. She honestly tells him how overwhelming it has been for her even though she does adore him. So, she decides not to take Jesse's advice. Cody is going to try to make $ fall in love with him.

SIDE NOTE: Casting is open specifically for Farmer Chris, the next Bachelor. I bet a lot of women are thinking about giving Iowa a chance. I hope he doesn’t end up being a jerk in the long run. He seems like a genuine nice guy.

Back from commercial… One minute to the camera, Christy is telling the camera she thinks Jesse is such a good guy. Then, the next cut of the camera catches Jesse running his mouth about what he did with both Lucy and Christy. The queen of filling any and every one in, $ tells Christy about it. Christy changes her mind about him really fast.

Scared there is no one for her, Christy starts thinking about going home. Until Tasos arrives with date card in hand. When he arrives, he wants to talk to $. All the guys think Cody may go “Hulk” on Tasos since he is talking to $. However, $ encourages Tasos to ask Christy out. Tasos has compliments for Cody which makes $ feel warm and fuzzy about her relationship.

Jesse is not excited about Christy going out with “Tacos.” The idiot doesn’t ever know anyone’s name as was proven by the Lucy situation. Is there anyone left that Jesse can fool since it doesn’t look good when it comes to him getting a rose from Christy?

Tasos and Christy float down a lazy river on their date. They talk about their lack of relationships. He drops a “right reasons” to the camera because that’s part of the script. Tasos is ready for a kiss already, but Christy thinks she went too fast with Jesse. YOU THINK?!?! It’s another case of connection by default.

This is tacky of me to say, but Tasos seems straighter this time around than he did with Andi.

Back on the beach, Brooks and Jackie play H-O-R-S-E at the dilapidated basketball hoop. At this point, it’s pretty clear that Zack needs to pick up his game or head home.

When a date card arrives, it is for Zack. This is his chance to have a better date with Jackie than Brooks did.

Graham says he is perfectly fine with the fact that the date card was not for him, but AshLee was very upset it wasn’t for the two of them. This is the first we see of her tonight, by the way. She feels bad for Graham since he is such a catch and hasn’t gotten a date card. (She has though, right?) I am pretty sure it is the producers having pity on Graham.

$ is over Ash. Ash is kissing up to $, knowing she is friends with Graham. At least she is smart enough to figure out she needs to get in good with someone.

Not surprisingly, on their date, Zack and Jackie also find themselves on a cave date. He hopes it is “romantical.” It’s Jackie’s fourth date (Marquel, Jesse, Brooks, Zack if you can’t keep up with all her activities – and remember, she wasn’t one of the original arrivals) and she thinks it’s the best. Zack shares he was interested in her before the show. Imagine that! That’s what everyone says. *insert eye roll* She likes this disclosure thought because it means that she wasn’t just someone’s default girl. It’s first date magic!

Not even knowing what is going down on the date, Brooks is sulking, knowing he has a good chance of being doomed when it comes to a rose.

Onto rose night…

Jackie has Brooks and Zack after her.

Jesse has to go after Christy, along with Tasos.

The other ladies are all settled.

Zack wants to make sure Jackie knows he’s into her. He gives her a wishing bracelet like they are in junior high. Once they come back to the group, Brooks takes her off to talk, saying she wasn’t just the most unconnected option for him, but the best option overall for him. They paint each other’s fingernails.

He’s not the first guy to paint a girl’s fingernails on the show. Is this a new mating ritual?

Christy tells Tasos she just wants to take it slow, but assures him that she plans to spend time with him for the duration of the show.

Jesse didn’t come to connect with a dumb blonde, he says. But, Christy is his only option to stay. Christy tells him she doesn’t want it to go any farther with him. She throws the Lucy situation at him, and he acts offended. So now Jesse tells her that since she didn’t open up to him, blah, blah, blah, he is leaving.

Christy regrets not standing up to Jesse, and after a pep talk from $, she decides to tell him off before she loses her chance.

Jesse gets in the car to leave, but he doesn’t get away soon enough. $ sure enjoys being in the middle of everything. She jumps in middle of the conversation too. Christy calls Jesse a coward for leaving before the ceremony instead of waiting it out. Lacy joins in the bashing as well.

Jesse tries to act like he accomplished all he planned to go on the show to do. No one really enjoyed him being there, at least while they were sober.

So, the only question going into the rose ceremony is who does Jackie give her rose to? Brooks or Zack?


1.       Lacy and Marcus (Snooze. Enough of the monologues already!)

2.       AshLee and Graham (Monologue #2 – She thinks each week their romance gets better and better. He’s just biding his time so he can go home when this is over.)

3.       Sarah and Robert (She realizes she wants Robert, but only after Brooks arrived.

4.       $ and Cody (Pure, sweet love)

5.       Christy and Tasos (one word à default

6.       Jackie… both guys are interested, but she picks Zack

Poor Brooks… it happens to many of the late arrivals… just not enough time.

After all the roses are handed out, Chris Harrison announces that this was the last ceremony. No more roses. No more date cards.

Next week… Relations are put to the test. What happens when they are really supposed to make it work and game play is over?

Here's a preview of the finale. Hopefully, I will have my finale summary up by Tuesday next week!