6 Ways to Teach Teens about Real Romance that Honors Christ
In 18 years of
youth ministry my husband and I learned a lot about teens falling in love. In
fact, I’ve enjoyed watching countless couples fall in love. I consider it a
perk of being in ministry! I especially loved observing God’s blessing on those
who honored Christ in their romance. I can honestly attest to the value of
exposing our children to real life love stories that glorified Christ. Our
children’s idea of godly romance was strongly influenced by watching couples
who loved God and obeyed His plan for their love lives.
In a generation
where the culture has stolen real romance, and when it comes to sex, anything
goes, we must look for opportunities to talk to our teens and model for them
love that brings glory to God. How can we expose them to romance that honors
Christ? As a parent, you must realize that teaching your kids a biblical view
of romance is so much more than just having “The Talk.”
1. Acknowledge
their longing to be in love. It’s tempting to tell your pimply-faced adolescent, You’re
too young to have those feelings. But a wise parent will listen to them
share their heart. If you shut them down, they’ll still have those feelings,
they just won’t tell you about it. You’ll also forfeit the opportunity to guide
their thinking toward purity and biblical romance.
2. Talk plainly
to them about sex. Equip them for
purity. How far is too far? Bottom line - it’s
all sex. Short of intercourse, everything that couples attempt to do outside of
marriage is foreplay. There’s no way around it. Your kids are naive when
they’re are messing around in the back seat of a car, telling themselves, I’ll
know when to stop. I can handle this. Help them understand they are engaged
in foreplay and their minds are preparing their bodies for intercourse, and
eventually they will give in to sex before marriage.
·
Sex is Amazing. In an attempt to defer your
child’s interest in sex, to side step the idea of how pleasurable sex can be
will only serve to frustrate them. Rather, acknowledge how intercourse and all
that leads up to the act is extremely enjoyable and sanctioned by God for
married couples to enjoy. Equipping your teen to
understand how God made their bodies to enjoy sex (within the safety of His
plan) will keep them from one day being surprised by how much they long for
physical intimacy with a person they come to have feelings for.
·
Pornography is sex. Jesus said it’s as much a
sin to engage in premarital sex as lusting over it. Help your teens realize how
porn will bring long term consequences that will steal their sexual enjoyment
in the marriage bed. In Real Life
Romance, I share one man’s story. Chuck was raised in a Christian home, but
he fooled himself to think looking at pornography would keep him from having
sex until he got married. What Chuck failed to realize was viewing porn became
an addiction that would not let go of him once he married.
·
You can be pure again. God promises, “Though your
sins are like scarlet, they’ll be white as snow” (Isaiah 1:18). If your child
has been sexually active hold out the hope of Jesus, and the purity He offers
to all who cry out to Him in repentance and turn from their sin.
·
It is possible to wait
although culture says everyone is having sex. God’s remnant is remaining pure until
marriage and He is blessing a whole new generation for their obedience. Exposing your kids to godly young adults who
are waiting until marriage will speak more to them than your words.
3. Expose
them to real romance. Beginning with your own marriage, show your kids how
romance in marriage is the norm, rather than the exception. Expose your kids to
couples in your church who are courting in a way that honors Christ. This helps
them believe purity really is possible, contrary to what the world would have
them think.
If you’re a
divorced or single parent, don’t point out all the ways your ex-spouse/their
other parent failed you in the relationship. Instead, expose your kids to
marriages that have grown more deeply in love over the years. The best place to
find these godly examples of happy marriages is when you become a part of a
church family. This requires regularly attending church – not just popping in
on Sundays from time to time.
4. Celebrate
true love. Telling your kids stories of how God sovereignly brought two
people together to fall in love in a Christ honoring way gives them hope that
God is also interested in their happily-ever-after. When they believe that
letting God write their love story will guide them to romance with no regrets,
they’ll be more likely to trust Him and wait on His timing when looking for a
spouse.
5. Help them
realize their longing to feel loved is normal. God created each of us with
a longing to find our worth in who loves us. The problem lies when we look to
find our worth in how well a significant other treats us. The aching we have to
feel treasured can only be satisfied when we realize that God loves us so much
that He sent His Son to purchase us for Himself. The intimacy with the Creator
was stolen away when mankind sinned in the garden. From then on, we all search
for love in the wrong places. God is the only answer to the longing of our
hearts.
6. Find
someone who loves God more than they love you, and they’ll be able to love
you with His selfless love. The Bible instructs believers not to marry
unbelievers. While it’s easy to tell our kids, “just don’t marry a
non-believer” it’s more valuable to explain to them why. One very
important reason is because the only people who have the capacity to love
others with Christ’s selfless love are those whose hearts have been transformed
by the Holy Spirit.
We regularly
told our own children as well as our youth ministry kids, “Marry someone who
loves Jesus more than they love you and you’re on the right track to a marriage
that will last a lifetime.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhonda Stoppe’s book Real
Life Romance is a compilation of 25 love stories of
ordinary people who found extraordinary love. Each account unfolds God’s
providential care in honoring couples who remained sexually pure until
marriage, blessing the believer who refused to be unequally yoked with an
unbeliever, and many other stories of true love.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhonda Stoppe is
the No Regrets Woman. With more than 30 years of experience as a marriage
mentor, pastor’s wife, author and speaker, Stoppe leads women of all ages to
live lives of no regrets. Using sound biblical teaching through humor and
honest communication, Stoppe teaches women how to apply God’s word to live
boldly through the power of the Holy Spirit. Stoppe has appeared on radio
programs and has spoken at women’s events, MOPs groups and homeschool
conventions around the nation.
Stoppe is the author of Moms Raising Sons to be
Men, If My Husband Would Change, I’d Be Happy & Other Myths Wives Believe, Real-Life Romance, and The
Marriage Mentor, written with her husband, Steve. The Stoppes have four
adult children and a growing tribe of grandchildren.
Visit Rhonda
Stoppe’s website www.NoRegretsWoman.com for
more resources on love, marriage and parenting. She is also active on YouTube (Rhonda
Stoppe No Regrets Woman), Facebook (RhondaStoppeNoRegretsWoman) and on Twitter (@RhondaStoppe).
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