Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Bachelorette Premiere

If it weren't for the need for variety on this blog, I would even more strongly consider passing up this season of The Bachelorette.

With Paige and Peyton's softball games, I'm tied up the next few Mondays and won't be able to blog live.

It's come that time of the year where nothing will be on except Texas Rangers baseball, and lately, watching has been on the painful side.

I didn't like Andi, but I've said that would said the person chosen would almost keep me from watching for seasons on end now. Almost. Like Ben. Like Ashley. I didn't say that about Juan Pablo because we didn't see enough of him/learn enough about him in Des' season. He got old fast though.

For me, last season brought a whole other level of smut to The Bachelor brand. I was beyond disgusted more than once.

However, I crave attention, and my blog posts of Juan Pablo's season brought readers, so... here I am... and here it goes...

The show starts on a somber note, paying tribute to one of the men that was a part of the season, Eric Hill. After taping his time on the show, he died in a paragliding accident. Knowing that may make watching some of his parts surreal. I hope he was a great guy on the show.

Andi is 27 and a gang prosecutor. Taking pictures of gang signs is evidently fun for her. She's leaving her job to try to find love. She should have kept her day job. Though she may have actually lost it for that whole nudity thing last season reflecting bad judgment. But, I digress.

As Andi talks about how much she loves her family, I doubt her dad is too eager about this given his enthusiasm last season. However, he says he is better prepared this time around, but she better be sure when she brings two guys around which one she wants.

We really don't need to see her go shopping for clothes in LA. Bring on the men already!

Enough of the "I'm ready to find my husband..." blah, blah, blah stuff. I'm not even listening to her.

Maybe it's because the show was only 90 minutes vs. 2 hours, but I could have used some of the usual back story videos that we didn't get before the limo pulled up. Less Andi mumbling on about being ready for love. More men saying stupid things. C'mon!

Guess that's why they put them on the website. Suck me in there:
http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelorette/video/meet-the-bachelors

I may have to do a blog later in the week after watching those.


So as the limos arrive, here is my take on the 25:

Marcus - 25 - Sports Medicine Manager - Dallas, TX
Shaking with nerves and says he has a lot to offer, but not much more than that to say. Andi says he's hot.

Chris - 32 - Farmer - Arlington, IA
Personally, I have a thing against guys named Chris. I also think Iowa smells like pig poop, so I'm crossing him off my list before he opens his mouth.


JJ - 30 - Pantsaprenuer - San Francisco, CA 
WHAT THE HECK is a pantsaprenuer? And a bow tie? He's on a lovequest. Three strikes already.

Marquel - 26 - Sponsorship Salesman - Las Vegas, NV 
Our first non-Caucasian representative. He calls her Miss Andi. Kind of charming. However, I have never seen a three piece suit combined with a pink checked shirt. Interesting choice.

Tasos - 30 - Wedding Event Coordinator - Denver, CO 
I saw this guy's profile online a week or so ago, and am not going to lie when I say that a stereotypical thought went through my head. He's talking about taking her to some lovers bridge in Paris where they put a lock on a gate, throw the key in a fountain and make a wish. She found it adorable.

Cody - 28 - Personal Trainer - Chicago, IL 
He has to show off by pushing the limo up the drive. Memorable or gimmicky? She calls him on being a personal trainer, but out of breath from the short push. Good call, Andi! He says he is breathless from being nervous.

Steven - 30 - Snowboard Product Developer - Encinitas, CA 
I say he stays for a while based on his shaggy haircut alone. That seems to be what sticks around on this show. He's going to teach her to snowboard. They are both stoked.

Rudie - 31 - Attorney - Long Beach, CA 
Asks permission to approach the bench. Ok. I give him props for trying to be funny. Tries to make an attorney joke with a voluntary 4th waiver entitling him to an unwarranted search of hi story. It's written on paper and stapled together like a 4th grade art project. Hopefully, she got the joke and was impressed.

Carl - 30 - Firefighter - Ft. Lauderdale, FL 
He brought a mini globe as a gift. Seems quiet.

Jason - 35 - Urgent Care Physician - Sturgeon Bay, WI
His hair makes him look more like a California surfer. Actually, I take that back. It just looks like he's wearing a bad wig. Seriously. As a doctor, he has learned some things, such as looking at someone. And by looking, he thinks she has a fever because she's looking pretty hot. *insert awkward laughter*

Nick V. - 33 - Software Sales Executive - Chicago, IL 
She likes his polka dot tie and says he can wear a suit. I'm not impressed. These guys are pretty low on the first impression scale.

Dylan - 26 - Accountant - Boston, MA 
He needs a little space after the hug. She refers to his bubble. His mind goes blank. He's one of the better looking ones if he would just trim his hair a little bit. It curls funny in the back.

Patrick - 29 - Advertising Executive - Newport Beach, CA 
He has a soccer ball. He puts it to the ground. He kicks it. Does he not know how badly things turned out with the last soccer player? Remember Juan Pablo? Even Andi says something about not another soccer player. He does punt it off impressively.

Emil - 33 - Helicopter Pilot - Costa Mesa, CA 
Kind of cute. Scruffy facial hair. His first impression is telling her his name is Emil - said like "anal with an M." A picture I'm sure no one needed. Laughing, she says she'll never forget that.


Brett - 29 - Hairstylist - Westminster, PA 
See note Tasos above and what I thought of his online info. He has a bow tie too. He pulls a lamp out of the limo. His mother says he should never greet a lady empty handed, so he brought a lamp. Couldn't he bring something less odd than a lamp? She asked if he took it out of the hotel. He says yes. Don't know if you admit that to someone in the DA's office or not. Probably not. She left her job and it was in another state, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Craig - 29 - Tax Accountant - Denver, CO
He shoots off a bottle of champagne. He too is a hugger (she's been saying she is to all the guys). He kind of screams "frat boy" sort of. Very cheesy smile.

Ron - 28 - Beverage Sales Manager - Memphis, TN
Ethnically diverse, he says he lives in Nashville (obviously the person in charge of captions is confused), but is original from Israel and Barbados. Interesting combination.

Bradley - 32 - Opera Singer - Holland, MI
Maybe he needs to find Sharleen from last season. He wants to serenade her later. I think he kicks a bucket or something on his way into the mansion.

Josh B. - 29 - Telecommunication Marketer - Denver, CO
Does that mean he makes annoying phone calls all day? He was excited to find out that she was the Bachelorette.

Nick S. - 27 - Pro Golfer - Kissimmee, FL
He drives up in a golf cart honking his horn like it's a clown car. Among the more balding men. He's a little clownish. He keeps looking off to the side. He must be watching someone else drive his golf cart off the set.

Brian - 27 - Basketball Coach - Camp Hill, PA
He tied his tie like six times to get it right he says.

Andrew - 30 - Social Media Marketer - Culver City, CA
Cocky look on his face from the get go. He compliments her adorable smile and thinks Andi and Andrew has a nice ring to it.

Mike - 29 - Bartender - Alta, UT
They have bartenders in Utah? He too has surfer hair. He can go now as far as I am concerned. People call him Camps? He tells her to act like they met in a regular setting, and he gives her his phone number. Something about him reminds me of a caveman from a Geico commercial. #weirdo

Eric - 31 - Explorer - Citrus Heights, CA
He gives her two dolls from one of his first trips outside of the US to the Andes Mountains where a little girl gave him the dolls for his girlfriend. At the time, he did not have a girlfriend. They played special music for him. Part of the tribute, I guess.

Josh M. - 29 - Former Pro Baseball Player - Atlanta, GA
I'm either going to love him or hate him (because he'll probably think he's a stud). He has just moved to Atlanta, so they have that in common.

Now that we have met all the men, the battle for attention is on.

Their nervousness puts her at ease. Ok. Chris Harrison tells her that he will be bringing in the first impression rose soon.

All the guys talk about how hot she was and how nervous they were. As they start to mingle, she tells some guy how she loved his entrance, but I've already forgotten who it was and what they did. A hazard of trying to watch, hit the pause button and type at the same time.

The first that we see takes her away is Josh M. She says that he is her type off the bat. His mom loved her on the show. They banter pretty well together. Andi muses that her type may not be the best since she is still single. (She's 26. Cry me a river.)

Next up with screen time is Marquel. Instead of wine tasting, they have a cookie tasting. He picks up the black and white cookie and makes a point to remember it.

We get a glimpse of Eric. For work, he's only in the US 3 days a month and is filming a project going to all 195 countries in the world. Cool goal. (I have doubts that I'll make it to all 50 states.) I like his sense of adventure though I'm not adventurous for the most part. Visually very attractive too.

As Andi sits among several men in the main room, Chris Harrison makes his entrance, now that he has an audience, to bring the first impression rose. I think he laid it on an ashtray.

Feel the pressure...

Chris from back on Emily's season (I remembered his face, had to look up his season) is outside stalking, saying he will not leave until he meets Andi. How did he know tonight was the night? Obviously, it's all staged.

Security tries to drive him away, but a crew member says he'll go get producers and Harrison. Commercial break... we'll come back to that later.

In a quick parade of shots, we see several clips. J.J. gives her a special pair of pants from the fabric of the first pants he ever made. There's some putting green action with Nick S. Pasta samplings with some other guy.

Tasos talks to her about travel (he was the one Andi mentioned had a great entrance earlier - it's the gold tie I now put together with him - he did the lock). Where do they want to travel? They try to impress each other speaking random lines of French.

Nick V. shares about his family - he's the 2nd of 11 children, but there were some big age gaps, so he was kind of parental.

The opera singer sings to a group of guys. I don't think they were impressed. Andrew races cars on the weekends. He doesn't seem like a race car driver type, but he and Patrick have racing in common. Andrew comments to the cameras that they could get along well. Nice dressed guy. Very suave... Is he into Andi or Patrick? Patrick thinks the two of them are on a different level than the other guys. He too thinks they get along well (he and AndREW, not AndI). #mancrushmonday

Back to Chris the weirdo outside. He was also on The Bachelor Pad. I just remember him being odd.

Harrison asks Andi what she wants to do. She doesn't want to dis the other guys by letting him come on. Turns out Chris has been camped out there for 7 days and refuses to leave without talking to her. Harrison tells him this will not turn out good if he doesn't just leave.

Another fast flash of conversations... Brian says sometimes seeing a student approve academically will bring a tear to your eye. Cody the trainer is just amazed to be there. Emil asks about her openness to moving. Steven continues to use the words "stoked" and "rad."

Farmer Chris pulls her aside to talk more about the family farm where they grow corn and soybeans. She thinks she could enjoy that lifestyle. Has she been to Iowa? She couldn't handle the smell.

Marcus is up next. She thought he was hot coming out of the limo. He has Texas values, but was European raised. Huh? Polish is his first language. He also speaks German. Only a little though. But he doesn't speak Polish any more. She's intrigued and is thinking about giving him the first date. He's not exactly what she thought he was at first.

Andi had a great first impression of someone she would not typically go for. She pulls Nick V. away for the giving of the first impression rose. One guy comments that while it's disappointing for the others, it also puts a target on the back of that guy. I don't get her first impression choice, but what do I know?

Rose ceremony time... 19 of 25 will get roses.
  1. Nick V. (already got the first impression rose)
  2. J.J. (Mr. Pants and bow tie? UGH!)
  3. Eric
  4. Marquel (cookies did it)
  5. Craig (his smile makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him)
  6. Tasos 
  7. Josh M. 
  8. Brian (a man who can cry)
  9. Bradley (opera singers are odd)
  10. Marcus
  11. Andrew
  12. Ron
  13. Carl
  14. Chris
  15. Dylan
  16. Brett (another bow tie)
  17. Patrick
  18. Cody (ugh - thought we might be able to get rid of him - he screams "dumb jock")
  19. Nick S. 
This means we lost everyone with long, shaggy hair.
  1. Emil (kind of disappointed - liked his look - even if his named rhymed with anal)
  2. Mike (the bartending long-haired Geico caveman)
  3. Rudie (attorneys do not attract - his friends thought they would get married and have kids)
  4. Jason (the long wig wearing doctor - he doesn't have much to go home to - emotional guy)
  5. Steven (shaggy snowboarder and his stoked self is back to the slopes)
  6. Josh B. (just didn't stand out - cute though - he's embarrassed - a friend put him up to it)
Funniest part of Josh B's outgoing rant is saying, "it is what it is." I say that a lot these days. It's my phrase. Bonus points there buddy. 

Highlights from the season before we sign off...

Lots of costumes. Lots of travel. Lots of private concerts. Lots of kissing a variety of guys. Lots of guys wanting to beat up each other. And then the tears.

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