Monday, May 26, 2014

The Bachelorette - Where the drunk people always go swimming

Forgive the typos! I'm finishing this after midnight, and I'm yawning so much that tears are streaming down my face. I'll have to post, then edit in the morning.

This morning I saw a preview for The Bachelorette that was not shown at the end of last week's episode. And it really made me groan.

I believe the show can be entertaining without being raunchy. I can already tell the group date is going to get out of control. I posted on Facebook a few minutes before I started the episode (and it is now after 10 PM since I had softball games to go tonight) that I was about to watch it. I have a side conversation going on about you can't possibly expect to finding lasting love with this kind of behavior. Of course, I'm pretty much convinced that "the right reason" now equates to 15 minutes of fame.

Sadly, I'm not so sure it's all that off from real life away from the reality cameras. It's come to the point that I live my life with the motto "ignorance is bliss." Real life among people I know is practically an episode of Wife Swap. People, in general, don't think anything about the consequences of their actions or the impact it has on their family and friends, and I hate it. That's more a commentary on real life than any TV show.

With that last statement said, I feel pain for the sisters, brothers and parents of the contestants on the show. What must it be like when someone walks up and says, "you're Chris' sister, aren't you?" That's a pretty rhetorical question too.

I know, I know. Enough of my soapbox meanderings. I'll get on with the show.


So, it took waking up the morning after the cocktail party for it to sink in that Andi really is the bachelorette and one of these men could be her husband.

I have to admit, I had to open up my blog window from last week to keep up with who some of these people are. 

The first date card...

"Eric... love is everywhere. < 3 Andi"

What guy says this could be the beginning of his fairy tale? Do men believe in fairy tales?

As a reminder, Eric is the contestant who died in a paragliding accident after the show was filmed. He was a professional traveler/adventure seeker. The everywhere on the date card may have referred to his pursuit of traveling to every country.

When Andi arrives for the date, the men all have to have their chance to hug her and drool. Of course, we have to hear them all confess their jealousies.

I like Eric, but with all his adventures, he had a story to go with EVERYTHING. One of those guys who literally had done everything.

It is cheesy to say they built their first home together after building a sand castle. He can do back flips from a standing still position. Truly, I've always be amazed by a guy that can do that. (In 8th grade, I had a crush on a college cheerleader who could do back flips.) Soon, they fly off in a helicopter.

They land on top of Bear Mountain with snow while still in their swimsuits, and take to walking around barefoot. Snowboarder Louie Vito teaches them how to snowboard. Andi is not very skilled and gets bleeped a good bit while heading down the hill. Eric is evidently good at everything, including snowboarding.

Andi is quite enamored and impressed with Eric, and asks him to name three things he's not good at. I think he has a hard time coming up an answer beyond playing the piano. They talk about his time in Syria which had been one of his more dangerous adventures.

While Eric is (should I say was? I really don't know.) very attractive and interesting, I think he's "too perfect" or "too well-rounded" or too... something. I'm too boring compared to him. I do know that.

Back at the mansion, the next date card arrives.

"Brian, Marquel, Bradley, Craig, Brett, Patrick, Cody, Carl, Tasos, Josh, Ron, Marcus, Nick S., and Dylan - Let's bare our souls... Love, Andi"

So help me, I had to push pause and replay the list like 4 times to get all the names right. Part of it was I just couldn't understand exactly what Tasos was saying. Too many names sound alike.

One of the smarter men asks how "bare" is spelled, to which Tasos says, "b-a-r-e like bare naked." This brings a mix of moans, groans, cheers, and laughter.

Not good.

Craig is excited to get naked. He's drunk with his big glass of beer. Frat boy, as I said last week.

Back to Eric's date... Andi asks about his siblings and their families. He's really ready for kids, but he admits that until a couple of years ago, he wasn't ready for marriage. His rationale was that he finally saw that marriage didn't change his friends that got married.

After giving him the date rose, they make S'mores. The big fat marshmallows make me want to gag. I have a feeling that's only the first urge to do that I will have.

Of course, Eric thinks this may have been his first date with his future wife. How sad to know he left this world without making it to that point.

Group date time. 

Andi has to have two-sided tape keeping her clothes on. They way the women on this show dress for their dates is ridiculous. There is no way they can be comfortable if they are trying to possibly not have a slip of the... well, anyway.

Evidently, everyone should be willing to bare too much of themselves in the name of charity. Once they get inside, the men catch a preview of "male exotic dancing" of which they will soon be taking lessons in.

Andi refers to her experience last season, and tells them it will be ok, to have fun with it. After all, it is for charity. Gag.

The men then go through a fully clothed audition to get their assignments. Nick and Marcus will have special solos (robot and aviator) while the others will be in one of three groups (firefighters, military and cowboys). Evidently, Marcus impressed Andi.

Some of the men are truly hesitant. Carl, the firefighter, is in the firefighter group and is expecting the guys back at the firehouse to give him quite a hard time. At least Brian, the basketball coach, promises his mom he'll be going to church early in the morning. Marcus as a moment similar to Andi last year, as well he should. Just. Say. No. She's not worth it if it's over a line for you.

That's enough said for this portion of the date other than the trashiest man is Nick.

Sharleen and one of the forgettable women (I really don't remember her name) from last season join Andi for the show. Sharleen seems like an odd choice to join in.

ANYWHO...

For the later half of the date, Andi is wearing a dress reminiscent of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, at least what they show of it at first. Seriously, they wouldn't even show a full frontal shot of her because everything was so out there. It wasn't cut as far down to a point as Elvira's, but it was plenty low, rounded off in a wide way that showed quite a bit. Trashy looking for sure.

Craig starts off the night wanting more to drink, and Andi even says something about it at that point.

When it comes time for some one-on-one conversations, Brian is first up. She was impressed by his confidence earlier in the day. The teacher is growing on her.

Next up is Josh S. There's much more to him than the typical athlete, or so he says. He doesn't want to be stereotyped. He says he hasn't gone out with a girl in about 5 years. Liar, liar, pants on fire. No one believes that. He's the type she usually goes out with. She was kind of stereotyping him, she admits.

The guys sitting around waiting their turn aren't sure what to think of Craig being so obnoxiously drunk since he's hard to take when he's sober.

Meanwhile, four guys back at the mansion are eager to find out if they get the next date...

"Chris... let's get our love on track, love Andi."

So the farmer thinks he's going on a train. Someone else thinks it's a race track. I'm with the other guys. Probably not a train.

Returning to the group date, Bradley, the opera singer is trying to impress. Looking at Andi's face, I'm not so sure she's feeling it.

Craig decides it's his turn for some time. He wanders around looking for her. He finally finds her. An awkward conversation ensues because how else does a conversation with a really drunk person go? "What is the worst thing about your parents?" he asks because she said he could ask anything.

When Brett gets his chance, Craig comes wondering through, but someone calls him inside. In middle of talking to Ron, Andi is finally so distracted my all the noise down below that she has to see what is going on. Craig has ended up in the pool with his clothes on. Somebody better get to him before he drowns because that is how out of it he is by this point.

I'm having a hard time figuring out who is in the pool with him. Finally, the producers try to reign him in and get him off set.

Andi is not pleased. Having fun is one thing, but they are supposed to be here for serious purposes. (Oh, please!) Marcus takes her off to distract her from the drama. He tends to blend into the background, she says, but she sees him in the foreground.

Marcus is the one she picks for the group date rose.

Marquel didn't take any time with her. That's his fault. He tries to blame some of it on the Craig drama, but if he wanted time, he should have taken it.

The next day, the guys are still talking about the ridiculousness of the night before.

Time for the last date!


From the photo gallery at http://abc.go.com/shows/the-bachelorette/photos/seasons/10/episode-1002/media/episode-1002-001

I'm not just too sure how much farmer boy gets out of Iowa. They spend their day at the horse races. The historic track looks like a pretty cool place. They have a nice time enjoying the scenery and betting on the ponies.

An older couple sitting nearby asks how long they have been together (such a set up if ever I saw one). The couple had been together for 55 years and offer advice.

After last night, this date has been quite refreshing for Andi. Farm boy may not get out of Iowa much, but he's seen the show because he uses the phrase, "here for the right reasons." GAG!

He talks about breaking off an engagement that wasn't with the right person, a story she could actually relate to. She finds him to be encouraging and does get his date rose. However, before the date ends, they have to have the first private concert of the season. Who is this bearded guy?

Is Chris the first kiss of the season? He's the first I have noticed getting kissed, but I have been busy looking at the computer screen while typing.

At the cocktail party...

Not surprisingly, Andi has on another cleavage revealing dress. As she addresses the men, she uses the word "interesting" in the bad way people do when they are trying to be nice about how bad things are to describe some of the events of the week.

The first one-on-one interaction we see is Nick V. giving her a date card of his own creation. "Andi - let's get things popping." They pop open champagne while chatting. Of course, he's all stressed out because he got the first impression rose last week, then, didn't get any time with her this week. He asks her what is supposedly a fourth date question about why she doesn't think she has found someone yet.


She says they are aligned thus far in what they are searching for.

Marquel finally gets his chance to talk to her for the week. He's a little on the awkward side. As is his choice of clothes. I can dig his purple suit - pants and jacket. However, he has on some grey, orange and black stripped socks along with a red plaid shirt and a tie with who knows what pattern. The man cannot dress himself, obviously. She thinks he's hilarious. Those socks are.

Some guy shows up doing sock puppets (can't tell who since it's a mini shot). She throws plates with a Greek guy (again, too short of a snippet to tell who). Josh M., the baseball player, shows his nervousness by rambling on during his time with her. That gets him a kiss.

A seemingly not as drunk Craig, dressed in a three piece suit, I might add, gets his chance to apologize for the hot mess he was the night before. He plays the guitar and serenades her with an original song. He owes her an apology for that terribly sung song.

Rose ceremony time...

Eric, Marcus and Chris have their roses, so there are 13 roses left and 3 go home.

  1. Ron
  2. Dylan (bad hair award, by the way - it just sticks out in the back in a bad way)
  3. J.J. 
  4. Marquel (I still think he is dressed like a clown)
  5. Andrew
  6. Tasos (I don't get that one at all)
  7. Josh
  8. Cody (he can go too - I just don't like him at all - cocky personal trainer that he is)
  9. Nick V. (he gives me the creeps and reminds me of some socially awkward character on a TV show, but I can't my finger on who exactly it is)
  10. Patrick
  11. Brian
  12. Brett (these last two were sweating it for sure)
  13. Bradley (she missed her chance to connect him with his fellow opera singer Sharleen)
That means going home are:
  1. Craig, the drunk - no surprise there
  2. Carl, the fire fighter (where did those jumbo eyeglasses come from?)
  3. Nick S., the pro golfer who seemed a little different, but then again, many of them seem strange
Next week...

TWO NIGHTS! Oh, the torture! Ain't nobody got time for that in one week. (At work, we say "ain't nobody got time for that" all the time.It's our company joke.) Sunday (that conflicts with my church video in a big way) and Monday night. Basketball and Boyz II Men. 

No comments: