Sunday, February 15, 2015

Iowa isn't so bad if you can get over the pig poop smell


I was trying to rush home to blog tonight's episode of The Bachelor to come home in middle of "Chris Tells All." It was kind of a relief. Pressure off until the main episode. I'll post about "Chris Tells All" later in the week. I obviously need material on this blog. Five hours of The Bachelor this week is a lot though.

The show opens with Chris prepping for a rose ceremony. I'll kind of be surprised if he sends more than one home given that he's already dumped two this week.

At the cocktail party, Britt asks what went down with the two-on-one since they were close to both girls, and Kaitlyn expresses how proud she was of him.

Megan goes off with Chris, and she asks what the deal was with the two of them since she doesn't feel progression. He admits other relationships are moving forward quicker and there probably isn't anything there. She decides to head on out. They are dropping like flies!

Side note: for a make-up artist, she could wear a little more.

Six left.

The women are hoping that there might not be a rose ceremony with Megan heading hope. However, Harrison and his champagne flute arrive to announce that there will be one more departing.

Whitney and her nasally voice wonders if Chris knows who it will be. Chris tells Harrison he'd rather not send anyone else home tonight.

Carly isn't as gifted as Ash Kardash was in making sure her mascara doesn't run when she cries. She's upset about what lays ahead and looks like a raccoon.

There is much relief when Chris tells all the women that there will not be another elimination and that they are all headed to Iowa!

Iowa really isn't that bad if you can get past the smell of pig poop. I've been there before. I spent a lot of a vacation in Iowa. It can be pretty.

They start off in Des Moines. That could be the only city in the state that has a really nice hotel that is anywhere close to what they have become accustomed to on this show. It's across the state from Arlington though.

"Jade... Join me in my hometown." She is the first person to get a second one-on-one. The women know this is a big deal and jealous silence falls upon the group. 

In Arlington, we join up with Chris talking to Bessie the cow. As she rides through Iowa, Jade experiences culture shock with all the cornfields and pastures. Lots of corn.

She didn't wear farm shoes, I can tell you that. Chris greats her with a warm welcome at his home. He may have done some updates since Andi visited. Jade thinks it does have a Bachelor Pad feel to it.

Land is one of his passions -- owning it, working it. It's a reality check, and she's a little unsure of the slow pace.

Back in Des Moines, Britt is so jealous that Jade is seeing what life would look like.

"Whitney... Let's look for love in Des Moines." She's bummed not to go to his hometown. 

Meanwhile, after a motorcycle ride into town, Jade is shocked at how small and isolated Arlington is. Pretty much everything in town has shut down. It's home for him, as sad as it may be.

That night, they go to a high school football game in a nearby town. After all, there is nothing else to do around here. There, she meets cousins and his parents who are sitting in the stands. That, however, is a non-event.

Kaitlyn suspects that Chris is laying out life in front of Jade to see what she thinks. Duh. Britt is wearing her ridiculous hoodie to possibly suck up the oil in her hair she seldom washes.

Chris shows Jade around the high school and brags about his days there. Jade tells Chris she was a rebel which he finds hard to believe. She uses this opportunity to tell him about some of her not so great choices. Or not. Psych! The English classroom (he says, I think it is French now) is not the place to talk about this.

When they make it back out to the game, his team is losing. In an awkwardly staged moment, the couple goes out to the field and the crowd chants for them to kiss.

The next morning, the date with Whitney starts off at an art gallery. There is a photography exhibition on love. So, the couple gets a a camera and sets out to photograph their day.

Lots of selfies of kissing. #cheezy

Back at the hotel, Britt is all jealous listening to what Jade did the day before. Carly asserts that for Britt, she wants to be The Bachelorette and it is all about her. All the rest of the women decide they want to road trip to Iowa to see what it's all about. So, Carly, Kaitlyn, Britt and Becca head out. 

Whitney and Chris continue their tour around Des Moines. Whitney hopes they are able to someday share the photos with their kids.

As they are kissing it up, the rest of the women are kind of bored to death at the landscape of Iowa. They are less excited than when they started. They are through town before they really realized they were there. It took three hours to get there, but two minutes to walk around according to Britt.

Nothing is open, of course. The picture of Jesus in the Methodist church is the same one that was hanging up in Carly's grandparents house. She sees it as a sign from God.

The women are hungry, but there is no place to eat in town.

Back to Whitney... They are able to find food in Des Moines. At the bar, three of Chris' best friends arrive to grill her about her feelings.

Back to the hotel... The women get back to the hotel and tell Jade she wasn't lying. While in Arlington, Britt couldn't picture herself there. But a sunset on the drive home may have changed her mind. Carly doesn't believe her.

A date card arrives... "Britt, Carly, Kaitlyn... icy our future together." Now, it is Kaitlyn's turn to whine about not having enough time with Chris.

Carly draws a hand puppet on herself with mascara and lipstick. Possibly Megan forgot all of hers. I think she has lost it.

Going back to Whitney again. She wants to tell him about what her hometown is like and what to expect with her family. Her mother has passed away, and she doesn't have a relationship with her father. Her mother died from a complication from a medical procedure.

After they talk, they walk outside where someone has painted a mural of the two of them from one of their photos from earlier in the day. It was a quick sketchy one. Not like full blown portrait, but still fun.

The next morning... Whitney brags about her date and the mural that wasn't as elaborate as she let on.

At the morning chat, Jade admits she did some modeling for Playboy. Carly is shocked. Jade thinks she needs to tell Chris before he finds out some other way. Her dad found out from a co-worker. Carly has a great line talking about it being one thing for a guy to think it's cool, but another, "hey Mom, don't Google my wife."

For the group date... the three women meet Chris at an arena and put on some skates to do some ice skating. Chris has skated once in his life, but can actually move on them. They soon start to try to play hockey.

After a while, Britt takes Chris off to go make out. She tells Chris about their road trip which makes him nervous. She tells him about his original reaction and how her mind changed over this magical sunset.

Carly and Kaitlyn aren't too keen on Britt talking to Chris before they get a chance to talk about it. Carly, the self-appointed fake police states that if Chris ends up with Britt, Britt will leave him.

Outside, Britt says she fell in love with Arlington. I think that's a lie.

When they come back in, Carly takes Chris away and tearfully tells Chris that Britt did not like Arlington and that she thinks Britt is lying to him.

Later that night, Chris takes Britt off to see if she still says the same thing about Arlington or if Carly is the one telling the truth. Britt gushes about what her hometown is like, how small it is, and how they would feast on paper plates.

Chris asks Britt what her first impression was again. Britt likes to reinvent herself, and thinks she could reinvent herself there. Britt admits a shock factor, but denies that she ever said, "no way." Chris asks how she pictures herself with him. She evidently passes the test... or he just likes kissing her.

Carly and Kaitlyn think Chris is questioning Britt. If they only knew...

Kaitlyn is up next. Chris feels good about where they are at. She yammers on about this, that and whatever. I think I take away that she is nervous about Chris meeting her dad and is unsure about where they are with their relationship. Chris picks up the rose in front of Carly and Britt to take it to Kaitlyn. Chris tells Kaitlyn that he wants to meet her family next week, and they suck face.

When Chris and Kaitlyn return to the room, if looks could kill, that would be how Britt would have murdered both of them. That awkward silence is back. When Chris tries to address the other women, Britt tells him to stop.

Britt tells Kaitlyn she's awesome, but she's having trouble because she's confused. Suck it up Buttercup. You can't get a date rose every time. She gives a speech about not wanting to be third in line to her husband. At this rate, he won't be her husband.

Carly is just watching the show.

Chris wants to know what it is that Britt is trying to say. Britt doesn't want to make Kaitlyn feel bad... Uh... Chris leaves the women after explaining it was tough and doesn't know what else to say.

Carly tells Britt she herself has not gotten any validation, so Britt needs to get over it. But, with Britt's blow-up, Carly feels more comfortable.

Afterwards, Britt ugly cries. Carly and Kaitlyn thinks she's going home one way or the other.

And the evening ends without a rose ceremony. We're saving that for tomorrow night. Along with more ugly crying. 

Does Becca not having a date mean anything? Oops! Evidently not. There's a preview of her family. Kaitlyn and Jade too. I may have missed something, but I think Carly, Whitney and Britt are all unknowns.

Oh... and Jade finally spills the beans and offers to show him pictures. His expression is in the words of MasterCard... #priceless.

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