The women of #TheBachelor need to watch out for the bus
Tonight's show starts off where we left off last week with Kelsey laid out in the floor having a panic attack. As dramatic as she is being, I think she may be faking it.
Kaitlyn thinks she is taking advantage of the situation too. Becca thinks she may be manipulating things. Whitney the nurse doesn't go check on her.
After some oxygen (she's not in pain), she asks to talk to Chris. Ash Kardash makes a snide remark. Kelsey laughs to the paramedic that she better get a rose. Jade hopes he doesn't keep her just for a panic.
Kelsey gets affirmation that she did the right thing by talking to him about her ah-may-zing story. Her annunciation is very proper as she retells her story of fainting. Any like I may have ever had for Kelsey is quickly dissipating. She's such a proper drama queen.
Ash Karsdash wonders if she made up the whole husband story and would like to see some paperwork.
Even though there is not a cocktail party, there is a rose ceremony. He knew who he was ready to send home regardless of what might have happened.
From the earlier dates, Carly and Britt have roses.
- Kelsey gets the last rose
Mackenzie and Samantha are sent home. Samantha saw it coming with so little time with Chris. She's flown way under the radar all season. It was just a matter of time. Mackenzie was too young, and with having a toddler, that was a lot of baggage to take on.
All the women are livid about Kelsey staying around.
This week, the crew leads dusty Santa Fe and heads to Deadwood, South Dakota. Deadwood is not a romantic town. Been there. Romance is not the first word I would come up with.
Of course, I said the same thing about the banks of the brown waters of the Colorado River at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
Chris is not here looking for drama. He is here looking for a wife.
This week, there is a one-on-one, a two-on-one, and a group date. Things shall get interesting!
Britt, hanging out on the balcony in her bra has a conversation with Kelsey. Kelsey thinks her past warrants a one-on-one.
When they find the date card, Britt (who suddenly finds a hoodie to pull over her head) reads it to everyone, "Becca, let's give love a shot."
Kelsey in all of her bi-polar glory is upset her name is not on it.
As Chris sets out on his date with Becca, he confesses that she is the only one that he has not kissed. Like Big Foot, I wasn't so sure a woman he had not kiss existed. She is both nervous and excited, of course. She's hoping for a kiss though.
The two are going horseback riding.
Back at the hotel, Whitney and Carly are talking smack about Kelsey when she walks in. Whitney calls her out on when she started laughing for no reason (Kelsey's self-proclaimed nervous laugh) and for what she said about getting a rose to the paramedic. Kelsey turns on the water works.
To the camera, Kelsey talks about her loss... and about how brilliant and articulate she is.
Now back to Becca's date... They have a silly laughing fit around the fire. She laughs at his high pitched laugh. They compare their 5-year plans, and talk about planning for 5 kids. They share a nice little moment.
Back at the hotel, the next date card arrives. "Whitney, Jade, Britt, Kaitlyn, Carly, and Megan... Let's make sweet music together."
Ashley feels very confident about the two-on-one because she thinks she's going to kick butt. Kelsey cackles loudly to the camera that she thinks it might as well be a one-on-one.
You know that you are walking on the edge when you get a two-on-one date. It's evidently a close decision about which of you is going to stick around and which of you goes. Well, evidently, they didn't know that.
Back to Becca again... The real virgin is nervous about their first kiss and her dad watching. Once she accepts her date rose, they do share their first kiss.
On the group date the next morning...
Chris loves country music and today they will write some new songs.
Megan is excited (she's from Nashville), Jade isn't excited.
Big & Rich are going to help them write songs though. I haven't missed private concerts, but I will let them have this guest appearance.
Carly, a self-professed singer, thinks she's going to show some people up. Oh wait, she does sing on cruise ships. Big Kenny is going to get him some flirt on and help timid Jade out on her song. They go running up and down the streets screaming to get their creative juices flowing.
Britt is feeling better and getting some one-on-one time. Kaitlyn and the others don't much appreciate the blatant show of affection. Jade's high of running around for inspiration is quickly deflated.
Before the girls get to showcase their talent, Chris takes his turn in front of the microphone. complete with banjo back-up, he sings a song that belonged on Hee-Haw about finding a wife.
Britt is a little better. Chris thought she killed it and almost made him cry because her words reflected his feelings.
Whitney was AWFUL.
Katilyn, of course, had to be bleeped.
Megan is very respectable.
Carly drags Chris up on a stage and really does kill it. At least comparatively.
Jade goes last and may have an anxiety attack. Poor girl could be worse, but was so very nervous.
Back at the house, "Two girls, one rose. One stays, one goes." They are going out to the Badlands. (Kelsey knows exactly where that is because she is good at geography and the other girls aren't. Earlier in the season when it came to New Mexico, we learned that was the case.) Again, not the most romantic backdrop. Ashley thinks this will give Chris a chance to see how phony Kelsey is, but how awesome she is. Someone is going to be be pushed off a cliff.
Chris rewards Jade's bravery by giving her some alone time to talk. She tells him she is developing feelings and can see herself in Iowa. That came as a surprise for Chris.
Carly notices there isn't a rose on the table. Britt says that Carly might deserve it for her song.
Meanwhile, Kaitlyn has some mumble time with Chris.
Britt is up next up, and they go off across the street all of a sudden. Whitney may stare someone down to death. All the women see the obvious connection, but Chris admits he doesn't quite know what it is yet.
It's private concert time, and Chris pull Britt over. I was wondering when Big & Rich were going to sing. When they spot him, they pull Chris and Britt up. Before today, I don't think she had heard of Big & Rich. The date rose is on stage, and the women missed it.
After a public make-out session, it's time for "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy."
Back to brooding Whitney, all the women grow quiet when Chris and Britt walk back in hand-in-hand. They are livid when they see Britt with the rose. No one speaks to Chris when he comes back in. He tells them it is all getting harder. He tells them goodnight, and no one answers. Finally, Whitney sputters, "bye."
Carly is in tears as Britt says she feels bad. Megan asks where they went. Whitney is mad that Britt was gone for an hour and got to see Big & Rich when she doesn't like country music. Whitney wanted to go to the concert.
Kaitlyn walks out upset. Whitney shed some tears. Much hate for Britt exists. And she needs to wash her hair.
The next morning, as Ashley gets ready, she considers herself Glinda the Good Witch, and Kesley the Wicked Witch of the West. She plans to come home singing, "Ding Dong, the witch is dead."
They board a helicopter and get the best view of Mt. Rushmore ever. Ashley was annoyed that Kelsey was able to name the Presidents.
Once they arrive in the Badlands, Chris makes a toast, and there is silence.
Back in the room, Kaitlyn thinks she's so opposite of Kelsey that if Kelsey sticks around, Kaitlyn is worried. Someone says that every season.
Chris takes Ashley off first, and they have their little kissy, kissy session. Kardashian tells Chris that they all get along except for Kelsey. Completely throws her under the bus, "on behalf of all of us." Supposedly, she had the other girls in mind.
They come back, then it's Kelsey's turn. Ashley is something else to call Kesley fake. There's nothing about her that is real, especially her eyelashes.
Chris asks Kelsey about the atmosphere with all the girls. She just says it's tough because they all care about him.
Kelsey gets all serious talking about she is prepared to be a wife because she has been one. But, is she the type of wife he wants. He tells her that his wife will need to be good in social situations and get along people. He tells her what Ashley said. Kelsey says she feels betrayed. She has a heck of a time defending herself without coming off as defensive.
Kelsey tearfully complains to the camera about Ashley being a Kardashian with too much make-up who didn't get her Princess date. When she returns, she stares Ashley down, but Ashley won't look her direction. She bats her fake eyelashes and drinks her wine. She plays dumb when Kelsey calls her out on it. Ashley says she's smart too, she just doesn't use big words. Evidently, they both have Master's degrees, or so Ash Kardash claims.
Ash Kardash runs off to go cry to Chris about how mean Kelsey is. She can't believe he told Kelsey what she said. I wish he would send them both home.
After she bawls her eyes out, he tells Ash Kardash that he doesn't see her living the lifestyle that he does, that they are in two different places. Then Ash asks if he can see Britt in Iowa.
The girls are shocked when someone comes in to get Ashley's suitcase. Whitney doesn't understand what he sees with Kelsey. Carly looks like death warmed over.
Ash Kardash cries it out on a mound of Badland. She gets snotty hysterical. Glinda the Good Witch's pink bubble is burst. How is she going to be able to float home?
Chris comes back to Kelsey who tries to act all mature. She hugs him when he tells her that he sent Ashley home. He's kind of speechless as he talks to Kelsey. He doesn't know if there's anything there with her either. Chris tells her that he needs to be honest with her and can't put anyone through it longer than he has too. He's going to have an early night because he sends Kelsey home too.
Actually, he boards the helicopter and leaves her there. (My story is amazing. My story is beautiful.)
Ash doesn't have her pink bubble, so hopefully Kelsey aka WWW brought her broom along.
Back at the hotel, the rest of the women have a champagne celebration when someone comes to get Kelsey's suitcase.
Thus ends tonight's episode. No rose ceremony, but two episodes next week! He brings the remaining girls back to Iowa. Can they see themselves there?