I know that for the most part that reality TV isn't real, but this is just beyond crazy.
Let me just say, Kim Kardashian wannabe Ashley I. better hit the road tonight!
Tonight, Santa Fe seems like the perfect place to fall in love. The contestants would say that about a garbage dump if that's where they were sent for the week.
Santa Fe is in the same state as Roswell, so we may be in for yet another alien conversation.
Chris Harrison informs the women that there will be a group date and two one-on-one. They are a little too excited about going to New Mexico.
Megan, the make-up artist who looks horrid without make-up is excited because she has never been to New Mexico. She thinks Santa Fe is a beach resort. She also thinks it is in another country.
It scares me that there are people that ignorant.
There are only 11 women left, and Chris knows he has a lot of big decisions to make.
The first date card reads, "Carly, Let's come together... Chris."
Chris thinks that Carly is funny and witty, and they are friends, but he isn't sure if there is any kind of romance there. They go into a house, and out back before finding whoever it is they are supposed to be finding. They find a woman meditating by an infinity pool that looks a lot like the pool back at the mansion. This mediating woman is Tziporah, a love and intimacy mentor, whatever that means.
Chris hopes she is able to bring out the intimacy in their relationship because if she can't, this may not work out. *insert eye roll* He's cautiously optimistic though he wonders how strange it might get.
Zippy lights up some sage to clear the air and their minds. Once they get relaxed, there is some interesting humming. After blindfolding Chris, Carly doesn't get to speak to him, but use breath and touch. She is supposed to smell him, then feed him.
Then, it's Chris' turn to awkwardly rub on Carly. She is put on the spot when the guru tells them they will be stripping down. This woman doesn't realize it's a first date evidently. Things get really uncomfortable for the both of them and they stop this insanity, thankfully.
For the next exercise, she has to sit in his lap and breathe on him. No kissing allowed. Must be tough for him. But, it doesn't take long. They are making out before long... with an audience.
Back at the casino resort, Kelsey talks about being widowed for a year and a half. Supposedly, its the first time to come up. Ashley I. finds it odd how it comes out now. She's ready to tell Chris now, and hopes to get the other one-on-one.
The next date card arrives. "Jade, Megan, Kaitlyn, Whitney, MacKenzie, Becca, Samantha, Ashley, and Kelsey. I'm rapidly falling in love... Chris."
This means Britt will get the other one-on-one. Kelsey is practically livid.
Back on Carly's date... she talks about how uncomfortable the day was at times and why -- a bad last relationship. (I would have blamed Zippy.) They have heart to heart conversation time. He expresses that he was nervous that being a farmer from Iowa wasn't good enough for some people. Or he says that as a way to join the conversation. He gives her the date rose.
After this rose, he sees a future and thinks he would be a lucky man to have Carly.
The next day... the group of women go off on their date.
They are going to go white water rafting. Kelsey is not pleased. The outdoors aren't her thing.
Megan is concerned that the Rio Grand is full of alligators and dead bodies. Well, maybe there is. Their river guide tells them they may die if they don't follow all the safety procedures. Scary guy.
After a mellow start, they hit the rapids. Someone may die. Jade fell out of the boat, but was quickly rescued.
However, Jade has a condition where she is very prone to hypothermia. She plays it off though. He pays special attention to her though she doesn't act the part of a drama queen.
That night, Jordan (eliminated week 2) shows up at the hotel and has to reintroduce herself to Chris. She drove down from Colorado. Jordan realizes she screwed up and drank too much. Chris didn't think she was taking it seriously at that time. She just wants a few minutes to talk to him. She seems sincere and a completely different person. He says more than once that the drinking was excessive, and he usually doesn't judge since he likes to drink as much as the next person.
The nine women have been waiting around a while wondering what the delay is. They are not pleased to see Chris walk up with Jordan on his arm. He's going to let her join their evening. Of course, the masses are not happy, and he says he will take the heat throughout the night.
Ashley I. does not like Jordan, so she's the first to give an earful, after all, they are so fundamentally different. All the women bring it up, even if they "don't want to talk about it." Among the women, Ashley and Whitney have it out about whether they should be mean towards Jordan.
Back at the hotel, Carly and Britt talk about one-on-one dates. Britt says she may wash her hair. Carly tells her she needs to shower. Carly tells the camera she doesn't think Britt has showered in weeks.
"The sky's the limit." Britt is FREAKED out. She has a major fear of heights and is hysterical.
On the date, Chris takes Jordan aside and tells her that he has to send her home because it isn't fair to the others who are so upset about the situation. All the women put on their fake faces and tell her bye.
When it comes time to hand out the rose for the date, Whitney eagerly accepts the rose. Megan and Ashley may kill her in her sleep. Ashley thinks everyone is fake. That Kim Kardashian wannabe has no room to talk.
The next morning at 4:30 AM, Chris sneaks into Britt's room to wake her up. The smooching noises are waking all the others up.
Britt's anxiety is on level 10 thinking she's going to have to jump off of a cliff. Duh, it's Santa Fe. Hot air balloons.
All of a sudden, she's excited about a hot air balloon. Heights don't really bother me, but I wouldn't want to get up in a hot air balloon. That would have me freaked out. How is that ok with her?
Back in the room, all the women are talking about how gross and unclean she is. (She is amazed by how clean Chris' room is.)
Ashley, trying to stir up trouble, talks about how Britt doesn't really want marriage and a family like everyone else. All the women believe Ashley. (Meanwhile, we change scenes to Britt saying she wants 100 kids.)
Britt gets her date rose, then he takes her into his bedroom. Britt tells the camera, "this date started in bed and ended in bed."
When Britt gets back from her date, she gloats about her date and the fact that they hung out in his hotel room for two hours and took a nap.
Kelsey thinks this all diminishes her relationship with Chris. Hmmmm... They don't really seem to have one as far as I can tell. She stands up, marches off to Chris' room. She wants to talk to him about her life when they have time where they can talk without interruption.
Kelsey tearfully shares the story of her husband - their relationship and his death. I would just like to point out how sweaty Chris is. He had been getting dressed and ready for roses later when Kelsey got there. Now he has the sweatiest armpits.
After Kelsey finishes her story, Chris gives her a hug, then they kiss. Now, this is her love story too from a tragic, beautiful story to new love. She's convinced she is now getting her rose.
That night at the cocktail party, Ashley is determined to get her private time. Kelsey feels confident until Chris shares with everyone that they had some time to talk together. When Chris starts talking to the women when he arrives, he gets very emotional and has to step out.
Harrison goes outside to check on Chris. The women ask Kelsey if he was this emotional earlier. Carly blames the mood on Kelsey because in Carly's opinion, it was Kelsey's last attempt since she was going home tonight. Kelsey says she was going to tell everyone that they talked, but she had to honor Sanderson and tell Chris about him.
Kelsey gets all emotional and serious. I think she's playing it up. Big time.
At this point, there are four minutes left, and I think we're going to have a cliff hanger with no rose ceremony.
Harrison comes back and says that Chris knows what he wants to do and there will be no cocktail party - straight to rose ceremony.
Ashley is distraught she has no time with him. Stop crying!
Mackenzie gets weepy.
Kesley is scared about the rose ceremony now. Thinking her story caused him to cancel the cocktail party, she goes off falls out in the hall. She's having a panic attack and paramedics have to tend to her.
No rose ceremony.
The crying continues next week. The previews have everyone in tears.
And I may cry now that I spent two hours of my life watching and no one was sent home!