Pardon me while I lament for a moment about fact The Bachelorette airs on Mondays, the end of a typically long day where something inevitably goes wrong. After working through eight (plus hours), actually did cook, and almost finished eating right before the episode was supposed to start. Except I went out to speak to Dad who decided since it rained this morning to come mow my yard tonight which just happened that he was getting the mower out of the truck at the exact moment I was sitting down to eat.
Now, I am starting 15 minutes late because I can never get it together to start on time.
So if the previews of tonight are any true clue, there will be some drama tonight. Becca is riding around Venice on a bicycle musing about being nervous about her first date since breaking up with Arie. Meanwhile, the guys are at the mansion musing about how perfect, or close to perfect Becca is.
When Chris Harrison shows up, he addresses all the guys saying he doesn't remember one of them. That would be the chicken guy. He advises them to take advantage of any chance they get with Becca and leaves the date card.
"Clay, Nick, Chris R, David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor, Lincoln - I'm ready for my big day!"
Since her first date was being pampered, she wants to do the same for them on their first date. She has tux. She is for sure checking some of them out.
Jordan, as a male model, struts his stuff and tells the men it's how it's done. He then gives modeling tips. Words cannot express how annoying he is.
Now that they are all nicely dressed, they are led outside where Rachel and Bryan await them. (Why they are there, who knows?) Rachel explains they are actually going to do a muddy obstacle course, ruining their nice shows and fancy clothes. Seems like a waste to me.
The obstacle course is called Groom's Day. The different obstacles are named things such as "Ball and Chain," "Cold Feet," and "Slippery Slope." A man or two is eliminated with each task.
First round: Running with a ball and chain attached to one foot. Then, they have to stand in a bucket of ice water. Plus, it's like 40 degrees outside. Clay, being in the NFL, is used to sitting in a tub of ice water after practice. Once the sand in their timer runs out, it's off to the next obstacle.
Some of the men can't figure out how Lincoln's timer ran out so soon since he's the first one out.
It's up a slippery set of stairs covered in Crisco, through a mud crawl, dumping a flower in a bucket, then finding a ring in a cake using only their mouth. Then it's a slip and slide race down the aisle.
Lincoln wins, but one of the guys is bitter about ice water challenge.
At that night's cocktail party, Lincoln takes Becca off first. Jordan is whining and carrying on about how it's a group date and they haven't spent time together.
Lincoln tells Becca she brings out the best in him. It's a little early to be claiming that, if you ask me. She leaves Lincoln a moment to go get something. (The men are sitting around talking about the date rose and how they don't think Lincoln is her type.) Becca goes and gets a framed version of their "wedding photo" from earlier in the day. Now that he's cleaned up, he thinks that he can better kiss her.
Here's how he describes it, "Kissing Becca is like flying to the moon on the wings of a Pegasus while dancing with unicorns on a pot of gold." Imagine this in his Nigerian accent. Actually he sounds like he's spent time in the UK. I'll tell you who he sounds like. He sounds like Basher on Ocean's 11.
When he comes back to the group, he rubs the photo in. He sets it on the table and tells everyone he is off the market.
At the mansion, another date card arrives. "Blake - Let's lose control." He annoys me too. He seems rather awkward.
Back on the date, there are a lot of odd looking men making odd conversations with Becca. One man wants to be pushed intellectually.
Lincoln is talking and playing kissy face with his photo. Connor, who is also immature and annoys me, puts it face down. As Connor continues to whine about it, he chunks the photo down on the ground behind the couch. After Lincoln picks it up and puts it back on the table, Connor grabs it again and flings it off the roof of wherever they are and lands it in a pool. You would think you would hear a splash, but you hear glass breaking. There's some staging going on there.
Don't ask how, but now I'm 30 minutes behind the show now.
Connor thinks he speaks for the rest of the group. Lincoln isn't going to fight him over it because his momma raised him better, but he's disappointed because he was going to show his momma the picture.
Jean Blanc impresses Becca because of his attitude about the journey and how he winked at her. It was worth a kiss.
Lincoln goes back to Becca asking for another photo. He tattles on Connor for breaking the picture by throwing it in the pool. He feels threatened physically and says Connor has no respect for Becca. Lincoln is practically out of breath. Becca says she'll talk to Connor now.
Connor defends himself by saying Lincoln was dangling it in their faces and no one wanted to see it. Becca says she wants a man who is respectful, handles himself well, and doesn't cause drama with the other guys. Becca wants to shut the conversation down. She doesn't want to get to know him better right this minute. He realizes he won't be getting the rose tonight.
When it is time to give out the rose, she gives the rose to Jean Blanc who she feels is taking this whole thing seriously. After all, some of these guys are not spending their time wisely as she puts it in her interview. Lincoln thinks Connor ruined his (Lincoln's) chances of getting the rose.
The next morning, Lincoln is still literally crying over his picture getting destroyed. The man is crying like a baby to some of the others.
Jordan and Jason can't figure out why he's crying. I can't either, but even in this blog, I'm not being as mean about it as they are. As much as I abhor Jordan, I laughed extremely loud when he starts going off about wondering how long Lincoln had to spend in the UK, "and I don't mean the University of Kentucky," to get that accent. Jordan questions his authenticity except he uses a different, made up word.
Hoping to have a better day, she looks forward to seeing if she can move ahead with Blake. They climb into a limo, but Becca doesn't know what they are doing. Chris Harrison planned this date. Chris has a sledge hammer and has them gear up to destroy anything that could possibly bring about memories of Arie, including monitors showing Arie proposing to her and the couch he broke up with her on.
Randomly, Lil Jon the rapper, comes out to tell them what their task at hand is. Because we need him to come out and tell her what to do. He encourages her to bash the windows of the car in. Then he turns on, "Turn Down for What." I've had dreams that were less random than this, and I have a lot of random dreams. It's an odd time for a private concert. They have finally done something a little less predictable.
I got distracted by a message from a client talking about contractions, so I may never finish this blog. LOL
That evening over "dinner," they talk about being nervous going into this date and how quickly it is possible to start feeling real feelings. I read in a Buzzfeed type article they aren't supposed to actually eat the food at these dinners. Arie actually ate though. I wonder what that says about him.
Blake talks about getting blindsided by a break-up with his ex. He's open to being vulnerable again though. He's getting all emotional. I bet this season has more tears than any season before. Oh my goodness, now I sound like Chris Harrison.
This date exceeded Becca's expectations. She gives him the rose. He thinks this night is the beginning of their love story. They walk outside and suck face.
The two men who don't have dates this week: Jason and Mike.
The next morning, a school bus takes the 10 guys to where Becca is waiting for them at a school She takes them into a gym where three kids belt the guys with dodge balls. They make them run suicides down the gym floor. Then, they load up something like a pitching machine that shoots out dodge balls. They go on to play dodge ball at an indoor trampoline park set up as an arena of sorts where they have the ultimate dodge ball championship.
Leo tries his best to lead his team. He's the last man standing on his team for three rounds. I don't know why he, or anyone else for that matter, needs eye black since they aren't in the sun.
Moving on to the cocktail party part of the group date. The guys who won ask if they need to hide the trophy sitting on the table, poking fun at Lincoln's photo they had heard about.
Becca takes Garrett out to talk first. She asks if it was strange going on the group date after having gotten the first impression rose. This leads us into quick takes of various conversations.
Wills thinks he's a front runner after their time together.
Colton takes Garrett off to talk. Colton needs to tell Becca that he and Tia (from last season) had a relationship in the past. Colton then gets his time with Becca. He confesses a weekend together where they had fun, but it wasn't good timing. He says there was nothing there. Becca is quiet at first. Then, she says she doesn't know how she feels about that. She thinks it's a tricky situation. She hopes he didn't come on hoping the Bachelorette was going to be Tia. I don't understand why she's so shaken over it. I don't know why she doubts all the men because one guy went out with a woman from her season.
She's still a little off when giving Wills the date rose.
The next morning, Becca is emotional, even though she told herself she wouldn't cry until week 5. First there was the Lincoln/Connor fight. Now Colton. Whaaa???
She arrives to the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party in a semi-funk.
Clay takes her outside to toss a football around and do secret team handshakes and touchdown dances.
Colton wants to get rid of his photo from the group date. He wants her to throw his photo of the bad guy from that day in the pool.
Things get weird when Jordan strips down and parades around the pool in front of all the other men. At this point, he has on a swimsuit or some version of underwear. To the camera he says, "Tick tock, time to make it rock." He interrupts a conversation with David to pull Becca away. Jordan talks about how he is unpredictable and spontaneous except his hair will likely always be in place.
David is now whining about Jordan being there for the right reasons. So, David confronts Jordan about being respectful or disrespectful by doing his strut. The first night is the night for such things (like when he was in a chicken suit), but now is the time to be serious. As much as I dislike Jordan, I'm not sure his reasoning makes sense. The other guys are rolling their eyes about Jordan though. Meanwhile, David carries on about right and wrong and not being a gray area and Jordan being wrong. That sentence rambled like what's going on. Jordan uses his made up word that is something like ingenuinity. I don't think he knows how to say what he wants to say.
Becca wants to talk to Colton again. Until she has more clarity, she doesn't want to invest in their relationship. There's something more to all of this going on. She's about to send him on his merry way.
Time for roses... Recapping, Jean Blanc, Blake and Wills have roses.
- Chris R. (there's not another just "Chris" but there are variations of longer names)
- Jason (even though he didn't have a date)
- John (honestly, I thought he went home last week)
- Mike (and his man bun who also didn't have a date)
- Connor (when he should have gone home)
- Leo (his Fabio-ness is gross to me)
- Jordan (wrapped in his pink blanket because it is actually cold and he's still unclothed)
- Colton (almost suprisingly - he's one of the more attractive ones)