Chris Harrison promises this season will be unlike anything we have ever seen before.
As we roll into the season preview reel, I shake my head doubting my sanity again.
And oh, it's three hours.
It's guaranteed to be the raunchiest season, I am sure. I don't believe in drinking games, but I'm pretty sure "windmill" references would equal alcohol poisoning in the next three hours.
Peter the Pilot still reminds me of a visual combo of Colton and Ben Higgins. He was number three in Hannah's book, even after the fantasy suite antics.
Peter was in love with Hannah. He's taking so much moving forward. He sits down and reflects with his parents and they chant in another language. I forgot what language it is. Spanish, I guess since he talks about his Cuban roots. I didn't remember it being that though.
Here's the rundown of the women. The * mean we got a sneak peek of them before the limos arrived.
Let me interject quickly that I heard that there was a lot of two-sided tape required for the dresses on the Golden Globe Awards last night. I will venture to say more was needed (or should have been used) on the first night when the women arrived at he mansion.
Alayah - 24 - Orthodontist Assistant - San Antonio, TX - The first arrival and the first in need of some wardrobe tape. Her grandma Rose wrote a letter for Peter. They will have to read it together since she didn't open it up before.
Sydney - 24 - Retail Marketing Manager - Birmingham, AL - She also believes her dress should take the plunge. She says not every girl from Alabama makes bad decisions. Yet, she's not the typical southern girl.
*Hannah Ann - 23 - Model - Knoxville, TN - Her dad talks about Peter like he knows him already. I'm 20 years older than this child. She needs some tape too. She proclaims she is in love already.
Sarah - 24 - Medical Radiographer - Knoxville, TN - It seems Knoxville is representing tonight. She, however, wears a dress that covers her chest. Ben compliments the beautiful dress.
Lauren - 26 - Marketing Executive - Glendale, CA - Her choice of attire may not have a plunging neckline, but is a nude lined lacy jumpsuit. It's scary to be here, but someone once told her, if it scares you, do it.
*Victoria P. - 27 - Nurse - Alexandria, LA - She likes helping people who cannot help themselves. She started taking care of her sister when she was two because her dad died and her mom struggled with addiction. Her mom has since found sobriety and they make giant cookies together. She and her niece do a happy dance to fend off scary stuff. So she happy dances.
Mykenna - 22 - Fashion blogger - Langley, BC, Canada - Oh, my goodness, I'll never spell these girls' names correctly, and they are just getting younger by the moment. She checks out his suit.
*Maurissa - 23 - Patient Care Coordinator - Atlanta, GA - She was Miss Montana Teen USA and gained 80 pounds after she quit pageants. She's now a fitness freak. She is FINALLY ready to find that person. She. Is. Twenty-Three. She makes Peter pinkie-promise to be real with each other and dance it out or something like that.
Kelsey - 28 - Professional Clothier - Des Moines, IA - So far, the old woman of the group. Thinks Hannah made the wrong decision.
Eunice - 23 - Flight Attendant - Chicago, IL - She arrives wearing wings and seems as young as she is. She thinks being a flight attendant will make her stand out. She's there for the flight reasons.
Megan - 26 - Flight Attendant - San Francisco, CA - Arrives with her microphone with her announcement of boarding Peter's flight. Peter seemed entertained. Her wings are in the form of her lapel pin.
*Madison - 23 - Foster Parent Recruiter - Auburn, AL - She won four state championships in basketball in high school coached by her father. Daddy is going to be all in middle of everything. Arrives standing in a ginormous paper airplane. She did a lot of spray tanning pre-arrival.
Shiann - 27 - Administrative Assistant - Las Vegas, NV - She gives him a barf bag for the nauseating conversations.
Courtney - 26 - Cosmetologist - Venice, FL - A couple of guys wave her in like she is going to taxi a plane to the gate. In actuality, she's riding a really loud pedal car type toy that's shaped like an airplane. I wonder if he is over all the flight jokes yet. I was wrong about the windmill drinking game. It's references to the Mile High Club. I hate her already.
Kiarra - 23 - Nanny - Kennesaw, GA - A porter arrives with a luggage cart. Peter says there's no way anyone is in there. Peter would be wrong. The woman must be a contortionist. The suitcase moves, and she calls out for him to come unzip the bag. She is wearing stripper shoes. Clear plastic heels. (This was a discussion with a friend once in Atlanta.) She doesn't seem all there mentally, if you ask me. She remarks that she has reached her final destination. (I hope as in she doesn't travel with them. She annoys me already.)
Lexi - 26 - Marketing Coordinator - New York, NY - Arrives in her classic red convertible. Clearly, she likes to go fast and she hears he does too.
Deandra - 23 - Home Care Coordinator - Plano, TX - Arrives with windmill blades strapped to her back and asks if he is ready for round 5. In case you don't get the reference, Hannah more than kissed and told way too much.
Payton - 23 - Business something rep - Wellsley, MA - Comes out of the limo yelling/asking - FOUR TIMES!?!? (See above reference.)
Jasmine - 25 - Client Relations Manager - Houston, TX - Tries to impress by speaking a foreign language. I honestly have no clue what language. I believe it is a language from the continent of Asia.
Kylie - 26 - Entertainment Sales Association - Santa Monica, CA - She brings the contents of a mega box of ... (See all above references.) He seems a little embarrassed now.
Katrina - 28 - Pro Sports Dancer - Chicago, IL - She makes what seems like a really crude joke, but it's a reference to her hairless cat. It was still crude.
Victoria F. - 25 - Medical Sales Rep - Virginia Beach, VA - She wants him to know she has a very dry sense of humor.
Jenna - 22 - Nursing Student - New Lenox, IL - She arrives with her emotional support cow, Ashley P. She leaves the cow with Peter in case he is nervous. Jenna also needs some tape. The women inside looking out at the cow keep going, "It's a pony." It's not a pony. It's a cow. It's sad they don't know the difference. #stupidgenz
Savannah - 27 - Realtor - Houston, TX - She blindfolds him so he can concentrate on how things feel as she kisses him.
*Kelley - 27 - Attorney - Chicago, IL - She also works with her entire family. Her brothers are super over protective and reference the mile high club in front of her dad. Some of them call gross. Seems like a huge family. They met randomly in a hotel lobby a month ago. She was at a friend's wedding and he was at a class reunion. At first she didn't want to do the show, but meeting him was a sign. They pick up on a dance they did before. She was just glad he remembered her. She does tell all the women they had met. (She considered it a sign from God.)
*Alexa - 27 - Caregiver - Chicago, IL - She also waxes women for a living. Actually, she waxes anything on anyone. TMI. She doesn't make an impression upon arrival.
Avonlea - 27 - Cattle Rancher - Fort Worth, TX - Nothing much to say about her or her arrival other than she has a one sleeved dress that's different than everyone else.
Natasha - 31 - Event Planner - New York, NY - She tries to sound all seductress.
The women inside think there are enough women and I do too as I type this. This is the longest part of the show. I have to pause a lot to get all the details. My mom was texting me, knowing I was trying to watch. Pausing to text her back was driving me nuts, so I called her. There went 15 minutes. With this being 3 hours, I'm hoping to be done by 11 tonight with this blog.
I think we've hit 30 women. We have, but here rolls in Hannah Brown.
Does Hannah Brown want to get a second chance with her number three? To recap, Jed, her final guy lied to her about having a relationship back home. On "After the Final Rose," she asked Tyler for another try.
Peter was not expecting this. It is so weird for him right now. She's as awkward as ever. She had mixed emotions when she learned he was going to be the Bachelor. When he had arrived on her season, he said he was looking for his co-pilot and gave her a set of wings. She gives him the wings back, hoping he finds his person.
Peter enters the house and explains why Hannah was there. He gets emotional. Seeing her gave him more hope that this could work.
The first person he talks to Alayah, the first girl to arrive. They read the letter from Grandma Rose together. They get a good laugh out of Grandma's advice. I don't know how he looked in her eyes like Alayah claims because she is all cleavage.
Speaking of, the keyhole front in Maurissa's dress is just as distracting.
Madison and Peter fly their giant paper airplanes together.
Chris Harrison drops off the first impression rose while Peter is off talking to someone else.
He plays a hole of mini-golf with a windmill with some girl. He dances with others. Has "my parents have been married X years" conversations with others. Oh, that's Hannah Ann who also gives him a painting of the Smokey Mountains she and her dad painted. That's the first make out moment the girls see.
Some of the women are hesitant to make their moves so they don't come across as "that woman."
Tammy gloves up for another security check and supposedly pulls a Trojan out of his pocket. She sneaks in a kiss. She cuffed him, and he has to ask to be uncuffed.
Natasha wants to be mysterious. That's what Peter thought of her. Mykenna tries to interrupt. They ask for one more minute. She maybe gives them that.
Mykenna has some regular sized paper airplanes. She shares her grandparents' love story. Natasha comes back in with the giant airplane and calls Mykenna an unkind word before heading back out. Mykenna decides to get in on the kissing. Natasha is nearby saying, "Tik Tok."
Everyone seems surprised at the kissing going on night 1. He claims he didn't plan it. Some of the women say they haven't gotten their time yet. Hannah Ann goes in for seconds, so the women are laying hate on her already. Nope. Nope. There she is interrupting for thirds. She comes back for a kiss. Again. The woman she interrupted (Shiann) takes HA off to confront her about not having two minutes before Hannah Ann comes in for her third time. It turns awkward.
Kylie is stressed out wanting to get a moment while Peter talks to an awkward woman that he thinks has really great eyes.
Meanwhile Payton is on the battery operated microphone being obnoxious.
Lauren shares Skittles or some kind of candy with him.
The dry sense of humor that made some joke I didn't get (and Peter evidently didn't either) talks to him. She mumbles out what she was embarrassed about. I'm not even going to try to figure that out. They are quickly interrupted which leaves her in tears. She has got to quit whining.
I can't even keep up with the parade at this point.
Kelley must have made an impression at the hotel they met at before. He asks how she is still on the market. He is happy that she is here.
Peter finally makes his way back in the room for the first impression rose. He calls out Hannah Ann. Officially, everyone in the house hates her now. He appreciated her being bold and the gift from her dad. Kiss count number... Who knows?
Mykenna is going to have a drunken fit. She reminds me of Demi. Young and immature.
It's morning, and the rose ceremony is about to begin. Peter thinks his wife is in the room.
- Went to Hannah Ann earlier.
- Victoria P.
- Tammy (Now she can eat all the cheese she can eat - it was a weird comment she made.)
- Mykenna (She's been waiting her whole life to meet him. All of 22 years.)
- Deandra (She looks surprised to be called, and I'm not sure he said her name correctly.)
- Kelcey (She was almost in tears before now because she didn't get to talk to him.)
- Kiarra (I really thought she was odd enough to go home the first night.)
- Shiann (Her hair did not hold up well.)
- Victoria F.
- Kylie (Guess her presentation really did embarrass him.)
- Maurissa (Her cleavage was right out there in every camera angle during the ceremony.)
- Avonlea (She came off as a little different.)
- Jenna (She better remember her cow when she goes.)
- Katrina (Didn't see it coming at all since she thought they were meant to be.)
- Megan (Flight attendant #1)
- Jade (Flight attendant #2)
- Eunice (Flight attendant #3)