If Ashley ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

There is so much reality TV on tonight that I'm really looking forward to watching. Honestly, Bachelor in Paradise is on the eh, let's-get-it-over-with train tonight. I watched the first 5 or so minutes while finishing my dinner, and it went a little something like this...

Caila goes to Jared after talking to Ash Kardash, and basically says, "I've had enough. It's too hard being here with Ashley. I am going home." Jared volunteers to go with her, but says he needs to talk to Ashley first. Caila says something along the lines of, "I don't need to talk to anyone else. I'm outta here."

Jared wastes his time talking to Ash who is making up stuff about Caila for no other reason than Caila is with Jared and she isn't. Cuz if Ashley ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. She thinks Caila is the kind of person who just wants attention. Pot calling the kettle black. Ash just wants to protect him, blah, blah, blah. Villain. You don't want to "do it out of the kindness of my heart." Ash lies again to him. She starts bawling after Jared tries to tell her off. He comforts her, then, says, "I'm going right now." She wants one last hug, but he doesn't have time for that because he has to chase down Caila's car. He does, leaving his stuff behind. 

So, now after I inhaled my dinner, dumped some stuff in the kitchen, piled up stuff in the sink and typed that out, I'm 20 minutes behind on the show. 

Evan evidently witnessed what went down because he recaps for Nick and Jennifer. Ashley, of course is snotting everywhere. "I lost one of my best friends." Amanda assures her she didn't. Ash decides to redirect her attention to Wells because it's all about her now. (Hasn't it always been?) She thought she had gotten over the lunacy. Evan declines to comment.

That night is stormy. I forgot Wells and Jami were still on their date. They come back in while Ashley gives them dirty looks. They recap their date. Wells asks what happened while they were gone. Nick recaps without mentioning Ashley's role that Caila and Jared left. 

Ashley heads out, and Wells realizes he owes her a conversation. He says he feels bad for not talking to Ashley before going on the date with Jami. Ashley says it hurts her more that they walked in holding hands. Ashley gives him a hard time, asking mean questions. Yet, Wells finds her rational and mature when she tells him he has to spend time with Jami to find out if there is something.

Jami tells Jen and Nick how great their time was and how much she really likes Wells. 

The next morning Izzy and Brett are working on their connection. She tries not to compare Brett to Vinnie, but she's never been so physically attractive in her life.

Jami is feeling a little awkward because Wells is sitting closer to Ashley than to her. 

Soon a new arrival comes on the scene. One of the Lauren's from Ben's season. There were three or four, but not the one he got engaged too. She is warmly welcomed by Jami. The men are eyeing her. 

Jen and Jami take Lauren off to talk and get a lay of the land. Wells hopes he isn't asked out since he's trying to balance two women.

And Shushanna shows up immediately following. She has her sights set on Wells. When Lauren and Shushanna open up their cards, they read them together, and it's a double date.

Ashley calls Shushanna "Euro Trash." Most of Russia is in Asia, but ok. Shushanna pulls Wells off. 

Izzy tries to keep Brett distracted as Lauren and Shushanna compare notes and plan for their dates. When the women come back up the bar, Shushanna asks Wells out and Lauren asks Brett out. Both men accept. 

Izzy, Ashley and Jami commiserate. All are now pouty. 

Meanwhile, the double dater are learning to surf. Lots of falling off surfboards occurs. They all think each other are hot. Brett strikes me as a user and into the latest thing to come along. He and Lauren are bonding.

Izzy decides she cares more about Brett now that he's off on another date. Oh, and Lace and Grant are good for the moment. 

At the house Nick is giving Ashley sanity advice which seems odd given how neurotic I found Nick on seasons past. He also looks like he's sporting a bandage over a gunshot wound to the gut. Nick says with Wells time split, it's a toss up as to who gets the rose.

On the date, Shushanna is sinking her claws into Wells. He finds her exotic, but seems a little scared by her too. 

In an odd moment, Evan slaps Carly's butt. Then things get a bit R rated.

On to Nick telling Evan he's spoken his peace about Josh. (Cue scenes from last night.) Josh talks about the people of the world who will always try to tear you down. Voice over of Amanda being confused about what the twins said. Nick and Jen talking about Josh and worrying about Amanda. Lots of back and forth and such.

Josh hands Amanda a date card that belongs to her. "You deserve this." It's not clear if Josh wrote it out or not. Anyway, Amanda has to decide if she is ready to get engaged after this.

Josh refers to negative and jealous people as they talk on their date. Amanda says she isn't worried. I'm so over Josh. I need to go read old blogs. I don't recall thinking the same things about him on Andi's season that I do now. 

Amanda says, "Josh may not be perfect, but he's perfect for me." Be a responsible mother, Amanda. Don't be so blind. That's something that drives me nuts in real life. 

Have I mentioned in the past 5 minutes how much I hate Ashley? She says Wells has to choose between her, a random girl from Canada, and a Russian hooker. 

Jami feels like it's an episode of The Bachelor since Wells is pulled three ways and they are all vying for his attention. Jami makes her move on him. 

Ashley can't believe this is happening. She should take a hint that every man is more interested in another woman than her. Ashley tries put a bigger move on Wells.

That's where the night ends.

Previews of next week show Josh and Nick both looking at engagement rings. Neil Lane asks Nick how many times they have to go through this. That's hilarious.