The tearful and obsessed arrive on #BachelorInParadise

So, Evan is not the only person who can't take a hint. Ash Kardash is back in Paradise and once again after Jared. I feel sorry for the guy.

Tonight, with the show open, I realize that the show really doesn't need Chris Harrison at all.

Of course, Ashley I. aka Ash Kardash because she reminds me of a Kardashian, gets a date card. She tells Chris Harrison that she and Jared are really good friends, but it will never be "just friends" for her. She says they have had nothing going on the past 5 months or more. She doesn't know why they aren't together. I do.

Chris asked her about her crying. She says her goal is to only cry three times. "A day?" he asks. All together.

When she arrives, Jared has to put on his fake happy face and give her a hug. The whole vibe changes. She immediately asks to take Jared off. She asks what has been going on. He said he started off with Emily, but he's into Caila as of yesterday. She's trying not to cry.

She decides to talk to all the women. She takes the twins off since she doesn't know which is Emily. They break the news that nothing happened with Emily because there was not a chance for anything to get going. They tell Ash that Jared was looking forward to Caila being there. Supposedly, Caila told Ash that she wouldn't go for Jared as he wasn't her type. Cue the tears. Maybe she should just go already, she muses. That would be a good idea.

Ashley wanders up and down the beach crying. Carly makes fun of her. Sarah thinks Ash is going insane. Because one crazy every year has to talk to the animals (like Clare's raccoon), Ash has a conversation with a parrot.

When Ash comes back up to the house, she and Caila have a conversation at the bar. Caila says she only decided to come two days before and only decided to go out with Jared after talking to all of the guys. Caila says she didn't mean to hurt her. Ash doesn't accept the apology. Off she goes again.

Jared, ever the nice guy, is sick to his stomach, but goes to talk to her again. He says he doesn't want her to go. She won't let her talk. Though she hasn't given anyone a chance, she says there are no men for her and she can't see him with someone else. Ash talks trash about Caila, calling her a backstabbing whore.

Jared makes her read the date card. "Love requires sacrifices. Your date is tonight." He tries to convince her to take Daniel out because he's a funny guy. Ash walks up to a posing Daniel and says, "Wanna get out of here?"

Sarah should have saved Christian.

Given that if things don't go their way, they go to the bar, Ash goes up to the bar to whine to Jorge.

Daniel tells Sarah he is going on a date, but will talk to her when he gets home tonight... or tomorrow.

A literal storm is brewing. They may all get blown away.

To start their date off, Ash asks what Daniel does other than being Canadian. Daniel jumps off the conversation asking if she is still a virgin and if it is a religious thing (it's not). He then asks if she swings both ways, and he says he does on Fridays. After joking he might be into Nick, the move to talking about Jared. Though he won't touch her, it's all emotionally there. Daniel asks about finding a replacement for Jared, then they have what they consider to be a bonding moment.

At the resort, Caila isn't as bubbly as she had been with Jared because of the whole Ash thing.

Back on the date, they talk about her crying, then it gets crude as he revisits a previous topic of discussion. Thankfully, we move past that because the natives arrive to sacrifice a virgin. Whoops. Not so much a change of subject. They carry her off leaving Daniel all by his lonesome. Was he supposed to follow? Instead he actually finishes a date dinner.

The next morning? I don't know about all this editing. Ashley is crying to the twins over Jared again. Nick watches the never ending makeout session between Josh and Amanda. It's the same 'ol, same 'ol, so who knows?

Next arrival is Jen from Ben's season. Who? I don't remember. Seriously. No recall. Her date card reads "Today is going to be yachts of fun." Oh. A yacht date. That's novel. 

Jen is going to take her time and talk to everyone first. Why the twins are always the voice of authority, I don't know. They are going back and forth on everything that has happened. Jen is confused. I understand why.

Daniel offers Jen a million Canadian dollars to take him on a date. Or massages. He'll pay in massages. She doesn't think his sarcastic sense of humor is for everyone.

Nick is up next. He's intrigued by her, or so he says. He directly says he would like to go out with her. I don't know who else she talked to, but she does settle on taking out Nick. I guess everyone else is coupled up except for Evan.

Carly tells someone in the darkness that she thinks Evan may have faked illness in order to get her to sleep in his bed. Oh, it was Sarah.

The medic comes to visit Evan. He feels lightheaded and says he can take care of himself. He's been taking some medicine for his ankles. He changes his mind and agrees to go to the hospital, but not before telling Carly they are making him go. Evan sees it as a date opportunity. Carly asks, "you want me to go with you?" Oh, Carly.

All dates on a yacht are just alike. There's nothing different about Nick and Jen on the boat.

Back to Evan's date in an ambulance. Carly thought Evan was super relaxed and finally talked to her like a human being. She wishes she saw him like this before. Evan is soaking it up. Carly decides he's one of the best people at heart that she's ever met.

Nick and Jen on a beach trying to have a moment when the crabs come out in full force. Nick thinks it's effortless with Jen. They try to round the bases on the beach, but the crabs just make it difficult. 

Ash is now sobbing and sobbing and time lapse sobbing in her bunk. Ugly cry. Ugly, ugly cry. Caila watches from across the room. She feels bad for Ash and is having a hard time growing her relationship with Jared.

It's cocktail before rose ceremony time. The men are in control this time. A few women like Ash and the twins have to scramble.

To escape Ash, Jared takes Caila out to talk. He wants her to feel comfortable with moving forward given the drama in the house. They make good at the side of the pool.

Nick is talking to Ash, asking, "weren't you better prepared than this? Did you not think he might find someone." As she starts hysterically claiming it's love, Nick becomes the voice of Jared saying, "It's not love, it's infatuation. It's never going to happen." She is majorly in denial.

Jared takes her off to talk, letting her know it's frustrating because even though she came to date other guys, she is making it about him. She ugly cries again. "How am I supposed to find another you?"

At this point, Jared is ready to leave to get away from her.

This is where the night ends. With that and previews of next week when new arrivals shake everything up.

Now, After Paradise Live is coming on. I don't think I want to blog about it though. What are they going to say that I haven't already?