Has your joy been miscarried?
Part
2 of an interview with Tanika Fitzgerald, author of
Miscarried Joy: Moving Beyond
Incredible Pain to Extraordinary Faith
Faith over
Fear. Patience over Frustration. Pain with a Purpose.
In Miscarried Joy (Nyree Press), Tanika
transparently shares her deeply personal and disappointing experiences of
losing her babies due to miscarriage. There were times when she felt God was
the cause of her pain. However, her journey through the lives of Sarah,
Rebekah, Rachel, Hannah, Elizabeth and Naomi, revealed quite the opposite - God
had allowed her pain for a much greater purpose. Each of these women had something
in common: they learned to surrender their will and trust God’s plan beyond the
pain. They were pushed to a posture of prayer that led them from questioning
God to have total confidence in Him. Tanika discovered that this season of
waiting didn't show up simply to challenge her, but to change her.
Q: Why do you
think so many women suffer the pain of miscarriage and infertility in silence?
How can the church foster an atmosphere in which these women feel safe to share
their grief and find support?
Pregnancy
and miscarriage are both very personal experiences. When something you are
expecting is all of a sudden not a reality anymore, it is not news we run to
post on social media or shout to the world. Losing a baby is devastating. It
has the potential to make a woman feel defeated, ashamed because is she is
blaming herself and even jealous of other women. We have experienced the loss
of a child without being able to mourn openly.
The
church does a great job celebrating the coming bundles of joy, but I believe a
great opportunity presents itself for the church to minister to women who have
experienced miscarriage or stillbirth or are having challenges conceiving. For
some women, including me, the pain can be as severe as losing a loved one with
whom you have spent a significant amount of time. The church can foster an
atmosphere for women to share simply by creating opportunities to have the
conversation. Every woman is not going to want to share, but she will listen to
others encourage her through their experiences. I also believe churches should have
ministries or small groups to cater to this need. When I had a miscarriage, I
didn’t know where to go to just talk. If churches had groups or even events to
help women to heal in this area, I think it would free so many women.
Q: You believe
God will give you biological children one day. However, what if the
manifestation of His plan comes in the form of foster care, adoption or another
non-traditional method of having children?
I
do believe God will give me the desires of my heart to have biological
children. If I doubted in any way, then I would be exhibiting a lack of faith.
I know God placed the desire to conceive and birth children in my heart, so I
stand strong in faith, believing it will happen. There is absolutely nothing
wrong with becoming a mom through non-traditional methods. My husband and I
have discussed adopting a child after having our own. But for me, I still
believe God will perform a physical miracle in my life.
Q: Why does
the absence of conflict and spiritual wrestling often result in weak and
shallow faith? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?
I
believe faith is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes.
The less you rely on it, the weaker it is when you need it. If you rarely
encounter spiritual wrestling or conflict in your life, then you won’t have the
opportunity to build resilience and elevate the level of your faith.
Fighting
this spiritual battle to have children is equipping me with the armor to be the
victor in future battles God allows in my life.
Q: Sometimes,
as in the case with the thorn in Paul’s flesh, we ask God to change a painful
situation and His answer is no. How can believers keep their faith strong in
those situations?
I
believe the Word of God is the best place to go to keep your faith strong in
these types of situations. John 1 says, “In the beginning was the
Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” God is the
ultimate Comforter and since He and His Word are one, the Bible is a good place
to start. I would encourage people to find their situation in the Bible. Study
it, pray and ask God to give you fresh revelation from the Word and how you can
apply it to your life. No one would voluntarily go through suffering. Even Jesus said, “Father, if you are willing,
take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." We have to
remember we serve a strategic God who will not let us be pushed beyond what we
can bear.
The
other thing I would tell people is to find others who are going through
something similar. Suffering is always a bit easier when you have support. If
you are a mommy-in-waiting, connect with other women who are currently in the
same season or with women who went through it. Find people you trust to pray
with you and who will allow you to vent when you need to. God did not build us
to walk through this life alone. He gave us family and friends for a purpose.
Lean on them when you need to. God may not immediately remove the thorn, but
ask Him to make it tolerable.
Q: Share with
us how you were able eventually to view your sufferings as a gift rather than a
curse.
What
really helped me is to think about the purpose of Jesus Christ. He went through
the greatest suffering of all and though it wasn’t anywhere near pleasurable
for Him, His pain served a purpose that benefited God’s children. The Bible
tells us we will suffer for Christ. Every test has a testimony and when you
share yours, it isn’t for you. It is to encourage and build the faith of those
that hear it. It is how God uses you to build and equip His people. Being chosen as a vessel for the glory of God
is a gift. When God instructed me to share my story with the world, it was then
I knew this suffering was not just to build my faith, but to help women who are
also in a season of waiting. To be used by God is a gift, and if that requires
suffering, I will submit joyfully to His plan.
With biblical
depth, heart-filled transparency and a voice of passion, readers of Miscarried Joy will:
- Understand God's heart in the midst of incredible pain
- Discover the importance of trusting God's plan over your own
- Arm yourself with the strength to let go of bitterness and comparison to appreciate the beauty of your story
- Learn and implement spiritual principles and strategies to walk boldly in faith
- Embrace God's delay and birth contentment in your season of waiting
What have you
miscarried? What purpose have you had difficulty conceiving? Is it a calling
you fear stepping into? A vision that has not yet come to pass? Miscarried Joy has something for anyone
who needs help pushing through incredible pain to conquer discouragement, walk
in faith and birth their purpose. God's delay in your life could be a set up
for your greatest calling to be fulfilled.
Learn more
about more about Miscarried Joy at www.miscarriedjoy.com, on Facebook (tanikafitzgerald) and
via Twitter
(TR_Fitzgerald).
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