Pain with a purpose
Part
1 of an interview with Tanika Fitzgerald, author of
Miscarried Joy: Moving Beyond
Incredible Pain to Extraordinary Faith
According to the March of Dimes, somewhere between 15-25%
of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. Despite the fact so many women share a
common loss, they endure the grief of miscarriage alone and in silence. Many
feel a sense of guilt or shame, as though what happened was somehow their
fault. Others simply don’t want to burden others with their pain. No matter the
reason, the dark season following the loss of a baby can shake the faith of
even the most faithful believer. In Miscarried
Joy: Moving Beyond Incredible Pain to Extraordinary Faith (Nyree Press), Tanika Fitzgerald offers hope for those dealing with
incredible pain of loss, providing help to conquer discouragement and discover
new purpose.
Q: We don’t
often see the words miscarried and joy together in the same sentence. How
and why were you able to marry them as the title of this book?
When
a woman is pregnant, she is often referred to as someone who is carrying a
bundle of joy. When she miscarries, I believe that bundle of joy goes to be
with Jesus Christ in heaven. When I was writing the book, the phrase
“miscarried joy” came to me as something I had just lost — a miscarried bundle
of joy.
When
we miscarry, it is a devastating event in our lives. Our happiness fades, but
our joy can be everlasting if we choose. So although I have lost three babies
due to miscarriage, I am still able to reflect on the joy I had in those
moments of expecting and the joy I still have as I wait for God to work another
physical miracle in my life.
The
turning point for me happened when I began to dive into the Word concerning my
situation. I looked up scriptures related to miscarriage, and I studied the
lives of Sarah, Rebekah, Elizabeth, Rachel and Hannah. What I noticed is God
allowed the waiting season in their lives for a specific purpose. I also
realized in each of their situations, God’s timing was absolutely perfect. Had
Elizabeth had John the Baptist any earlier than God planned, he would not have
been born at the set time to fulfill his purpose of leading the way for Jesus
Christ.
The
Bible verses that really opened my eyes to see my relationship with God
differently were:
“There will be
no miscarriages or infertility in your land, and I will give you long, full
lives.”
(Exodus 23:26)
This
scripture helped me see the heart of God in the midst of my pain. If these
miscarriages did not come from Him, then it had to be Satan attempting to
destroy my faith and trust in God. That was when I decided to stand strong in
what I believe God to do and to trust fully in His plan.
“In all this
you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had
to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of
your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by
fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is
revealed. 8 Though
you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now,
you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious
joy, 9 for
you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” (1 Peter
1:6-9)
This
scripture helped me still see God as a loving Father. He was allowing this pain
to develop and prove the genuineness of my faith.
Q: In the
book, you talk about a purpose for losing your babies. What do you think that
purpose is?
It
is not a purpose for losing my babies but rather a purpose for experiencing the
pain. Think about Jesus Christ and His death of the cross. Without a death,
there would not have been a resurrection and none of us would have the
privilege of receiving the free gift of salvation. It is the same with us.
Every pain God allows into our lives is for a purpose. For me, I think the
purpose of this pain was for me to develop a more personal and imitate
understanding of who God is in my life and what He is able to do. Throughout
this season of waiting to become a mom, I have truly experienced God as my
comforter, the lover of my soul and my provider. Having knowledge of God is very different
than actually experiencing Him in your life. This pain has taught me to trust
and believe in Him completely in ways I never have before. Many things have
come easy in my life, but becoming a mom is something I am going to have to fight
for spiritually to conceive and birth naturally. If I am able to take my prayer
life to the next level here, then surely I will be able to extend that to other
areas in my life. So this pain has definitely caused me to grow and mature
spiritually.
Q: How does
the message of Miscarried Joy move
beyond the loss of a pregnancy and offer application for all areas of life for
men and women?
Every
single person has to wait for something at some point in his or her life. It
could be a baby, a spouse, an open door of opportunity, healing or a variety of
other things. Regardless of what a person is waiting for, it becomes
frustrating! Miscarried Joy touches
on principles of faith that can be applied in every area of our lives. Faith is
all about trusting God’s plan and timing above our own. It is not how long we
wait that matters, but rather what we do while we are waiting. We can build our
character or destroy our confidence in Christ. My book will equip all readers
to push aside the disappointment and implement these faith principles in their
lives — not just for the blessing, but because we want to deepen our
relationship with Jesus Christ.
I
talk about facing and overcoming discouragement as the first step to move beyond
the pain and begin walking in extraordinary faith. The book also talks about
the power of prayer, contentment and the dangers of doubting God. These are all
things that can help men and women expect a move of God in their lives.
Q: You say our
thoughts and words are powerful, particularly in times of crisis. What role
does Scripture play during the difficult times of waiting, and how can we make
sure our thoughts are aligned with God and His word?
A
very crucial one. When you are in the midst of a waiting season, Scripture has
the power to inspire, edify, equip and encourage you through the tough seasons
of life. It will remind you of God’s care and concern for you through a display
of how He’s worked in the lives of others. It is so important to focus on what
you believe your outcome to be; confess that in your prayers and think about
what you believe God will do. To confess His Word, we must know it. So in the
difficult times, Scripture is where we should go when we are feeling
discouraged and depressed. If you don’t know where to go, start with the Book
of Psalms. The Holy Spirit will lead and guide you from there.
We
must increase our knowledge of the Word so we can continue to confess His Word.
Preventing our natural mind from wondering about the “what ifs” is difficult,
but if we keep our mind focused on what God says about our situation — regardless
of how the circumstances look — we will be able to align our thoughts with His
Word.
Learn more
about more about Miscarried Joy at www.miscarriedjoy.com, on Facebook (tanikafitzgerald) and
via Twitter
(TR_Fitzgerald).
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