Tuesday, March 12, 2019

The most boring ending to The Bachelor ever

I swear, if tonight's finale of The Bachelor isn't more interesting than last night's (which could have been boiled down to 15 minutes), I will fall asleep. I almost face-planted at my desk this afternoon.

So, Colton knocks on Cassie's hotel room door and wants to talk to her. They walk downstairs holding hands.

Colton tells Cassie that he knew he wanted to have another conversation with her after the other night, but first he had to end things with Tayshia and Hannah. He is in love with her. He's not asking for an engagement at the end of this. He's asking for a second chance to take things day-by-day.

Cassie has been telling herself there were other women here who were further along than she was who were sure of what they wanted. Women who were ready to get married. She wants him to have what he wants at the end.

Colton not only wants to tell her that he loves her, but show her.

Cassie is still confused and doesn't understand what's happening.

Colton tells her about jumping the fence and running away. He invites her to Spain to meet his family.

She accepts, but doesn't know what she's ready for.

Ok. So personal commentary here. I thought last week that her dad talked her into doubting herself and swaying her opinion too much. Now, I don't think she's all that into Colton and all of this. I don't think she knows what she wants. I think she's too young to know/understand.

Now in Spain, Colton says there is no better place to end this journey. He didn't expect to enter this week with only one woman. However, as hard as last week was, he knows it's worth it.

Colton just hopes Cassie is able to tell him that she loves him at the end of this. But first, Colton has to sit down with everyone and tell him what's happened. His ability to joke about his virginity with his family is kind of awkward. He shares that Cassie broke up with him, but he broke up with the others, and tried to get Cassie back. When asked by his dad, Colton says he knows he is in love with Cassie, but no, doesn't think she's in love with him.

Cassie arrives, but is super nervous and tearful. She has to answer to mom and step-dad, dad and step-mom, brother and sister-in-law.

The family is pretty skeptical it seems, especially listening to her talk about not being ready yet and not sure if she can "get there."

Colton's mom asks if she and Colton can talk, leaving Cassie with EVERYONE else. Mom doesn't want him to get set up for another heartbreak. Mom just doesn't know if this is going to be reciprocated.

Colton's dad talks to Cassie. When Colton loves, he loves all the way. Cassie says she asked Colton if she was sure when he broke the news that he had broken up with the other two. She wants him to have someone who loves him fully.

Mom and Cassie talk about how she wants to be confident in her decision.

Colton tells Dad he isn't second guessing anything. He's already gone all in. Colton would rather risk getting his heart broken than miss out on Cassie.

The next day, it's time for one, final date. 

In order to get to their picnic, they have to repel down a cliff. Dumb idea.

Over the picnic, they talk about her relationship fears... like a relationship in general. A commitment.

In college, she dated a guy who had planned out proposing, but then it got really controlling. She fears having to change everything for one person.

That night, Cassie says she's glad the past week has gone like it has. He pulls out the fantasy suite card from under his place mat.

They head to the suite, kick everyone out, then Cassie realized they still have mics. They call the crew back to take the microphones, then kick everyone out again.

Chris Harrison gathers former cast members around to ponder what's going down in the fantasy suite. Who needs Onyeka, Demi, Sydney, "Goose," Jason and Ben. Ben Higgins is about the only one I start to respect. 

At least Goose says that sometimes the conversations alone are more important than other things that may go on. 

The next morning Colton is in the shower being vague about the night before. What happened was great for their relationship, he claims.

Colton and Cassie come out for the live portion of the show. They aren't engaged right now. They've talked about it, but are currently just dating. He's moving out to LA closer to her. They are going to be together, but not living together. We get clips of their weekends together since getting back from Spain. It's really super cheezy.

Colton gives her the final rose, and the show announces they are sending them back to Thailand.

There's a special performance by Air Supply.

And now the announcement of the new Bachelorette... Hannah B. aka Miss Alabama. 

You guys may have to do this next one without me. I can't handle her. She annoys me. Her many expressions. Her weird, humongous smile. The segment showing Chris telling her over Facetime was even boring.

I seriously don't know what's going to happen the next twenty minutes. 

Oh, what's going to happen is she is going to meet some guys. 

She's speechless making for a really boring bit of TV.

Luke - He says Hannah is the only one that he wanted to be the Bachelorette.

Dustin - He comes bearing champagne and wants to toast the beginning of an amazing journey and loving each other every single day.

Cam - He is from Austin, Texas and starts rapping like he's in Hamilton or something. He's an Aggie. Doesn't bode too well in my book.

Connor - He wants to make sure they are on the same level, so created a step so they could look at each other eye-to-eye.

Luke S. - He reminds me a little bit of Nick. He makes a going down south joke. (Chris makes a joke about him being Nick-like too.)

Hannah is ready to give out a rose right now. She said she was joking, but Chris found her a rose.

She gives it to... Cam. At first, I thought maybe she just didn't remember his name.

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