Middle Age FOMO

I've had a really, really hard time this month dealing with what I describe as "Middle Age FOMO" (fear of missing out).

To be completely honest, it's not a fear though. It's just a MOMA. Middle Age Missing Out.

The past few years, it's been hard to see friends just a little older than me post about their kids graduating from high school and certain milestones. It's not that I so much wish I had kids graduating, but it just hits me that I don't have it. That I've missed out on something.

It's become harder and harder as my niece has progressed through high school. I've wanted to be a part of her life, but I haven't been able to be involved like I want to be. Specifically, I feel like I've missed out with her, and I won't be able to get that time back.

This year with her being a senior, every post of senior year activities has made it harder and harder. The final countdown to graduation has become more and more emotionally painful.

It's been a really lonely time.

Rachel and I had dinner tonight for the first time in a while, and we were talking about this. While she adores her nephews, she's always been on the side of not really wanting her own kids either. She agreed, there are times it feels like as a single, she can identify with the missing out.

Some other things have been going on that I can't share about that have only magnified these feelings and the difficulty of time at hand. It's been really, really rough. Like a stab, right in the heart. Last Friday night was hard at the church senior banquet. I was a hot mess for more reasons than one.

Hopefully, by the end of the month everything will even out emotionally. I don't want to take any celebration and happy moments away from anyone, but I really need past everything that is going on.