Monday, June 17, 2013

The Bachelorette... as it happens tonight


Tonight, I am blogging as I watch The Bachelorette on the night it comes on. Except, I came home about 30 minutes in. Ah, heck, I'll probably catch up after zooming through the commercials.

They are headed to Atlantic City. Isn't it basically a Vegas for old people in the northeast? Yeah, I know Atlantic City was big before Las Vegas was.

The date card... It's Brad. Maybe it was just me, but don't half of the guys this season's names start with a B? Brad, Ben, Brooks, Bryden, Brandon, Bryan. Mikey thinks Brad is a nice guy, a quiet guy, but not good for Des. Because Mikey is an expert. He calls everybody a kid too.

They go out on the boardwalk, ride some rides, eat some taffy, go in search of chocolate.

From the hotel, all the guys are watching them from the 44th floor. "Not the carousel, something always happens on the carousel."

Someone else voices their opinion of Brad not being the right guy. Maybe the right guy just isn't a single dad. Des likes him better now that he's revealed this fact.

They aren't very good conversationalists. A-W-K-W-A-R-D.

The next date card comes... Brooks, Bryden, Zak K., Kasey, Drew, Juan Pablo, Zack W., Mikey, Ben, Michael, Chris are on the group date.

James is going to get him a one-on-one.

Back to Brad. They are out of breath from climbing the lighthouse. I would be too. I was after climbing the lighthouse I climbed. They get to the top, and Des decides that something was missing and cut him loose. The guys all predicted this.

Brad is crying. But, he gets to go back to his son... is it Maddoux or Medix. It sounds like he says Medix every time.

Time for the group date. Brooks calls Des a unicorn that magically appears. This historical building, Boardwalk Hall, where they are is home to the Miss America pageant.

Michael G. has always dreamed of becoming Mr. America. This only backs up my theory that he is not straight. He sounds very not straight when saying this.

They are getting coaching from Miss America, and a pageant coach who may hit it off with Michael G. The coach invites the guys to a table so that they can pick out their talent. There are items such as a guitar, ukulele, pair of heels, pair of roller skates, pair of tap shoes, a baton, a hula hoop, gymnastic ribbons, a sonnet from Shakespeare.

"A train wreck at every station." "A hodge podge of Tom Foolery." These are the guys descriptions.

They get trained for the interview. "If you could pass along three traits to your kids...?", "What super human power...?", "What is the biggest problem in the world today?"

Then, they all get to pick out a swimsuit. There are a few Speedos, and the others are swim trunks. Some guys want Speedos. Some fear it. Mikey is disappointed that his swimsuit selected for him was bigger than the one he brought.

They find out that they'll have to do their pageant in front of a live audience.

"Kasey, in a relationship, are you a giver or a taker?"

"If you could be water or fire, which would you be (Zak)?"

Some guys do not do so well with their interview. Mikey likes long walks on the beach. He's tired of being a piece of meat.

Now, the talent portion...

Kasey tries to tap dance, but first he talks about making tap shoes as a child. I think he's a #liar. And a bad #dancer.

Mikey proves he was making up all the answers to his interview about being a piece of meat because he does Michael Jackson dance followed by a strip tease. And I think he has done it before...

Brooks makes up a song about looking white in his swimsuit while playing the ukulele. And he smashes it at the end.

Ben makes a fool of himself with gymnastic ribbons.

Nameless guy that doesn't stand out to me quotes Shakespeare. Drew, I think. Or Zack. One of the two because I know who the others are. Drew. Let's go with that.

Another nerdy guy in high heels with hoola hoops. I think that was Chris.

Bryden really tries to be a Magic Mike dancer.

Zak sings a song he wrote about a woman looking for a man. He can kind of play the guitar.

The time has arrived for the swimsuit round. Mikey can make his chest dance. Definitely has some experience. I think the plumber thing is just his costume or something.

The judges' results are in (there were 3 of them including Des).

2nd runner up... Brooks

1st runner up... Zak

And the winner of The Bachelorette's Mr. America is Kasey. #REALLY? You've got to be kidding me.

Group date pool party - the race to get to talk to Des. AKA Bash-on-Ben time.

Chris admits to going to coffee shops and reading poetry. He reads a poem. What-a-dork.

Ben again talks about not being here to make friends. Michael does he's weekly complaint about Ben having to be seen in front of everyone and hearing more about his bar than his son. Why are the guys ragging on him for talking in front of everyone. That's what most guys are doing.

Meanwhile, James is hanging out alone since he is the only one left not on the group date. He sits around in his robe drinking wine and taking a bubble bath. 

Back to the party, Zak sings another verse of song about a woman and a group of guys. His experience here. The look on Des face is "you can stop now." However, he gets the rose, so maybe I misread that.

On James' date, they do a helicopter fly over to see what Hurricane Sandy did to the area. In middle of such a pointless show, it's wild to see this devastation. Then, they talk to people who lost their homes. They give their date to the couple that lost their home.

So, Des and James go to a bar for pizza and beer. James decides to be honest and admits to cheating in a relationship of 5 1/2 years. She says she knows how you don't get over that because she had a boyfriend cheat on her. She's very skeptical of him now.

I started looking through Oriental Trading catalogs for Vacation Bible School because I am so bored through this date. The old couple give some advice to Des and James, then get a private concert with Darius Rucker. I think this is the 3rd private concert of the season. 

Let me mention here that I liked Darius better when he was with Hootie and the Blowfish than as a country singer.

Des, for some reason, trusts James and gives him the rose. They join Manny and Jan at the concert. It's a date they will never forget.

Now for the big cocktail party.

Bryden needs time with Des because he thinks he may not be accepting a rose if one was offered. He's been thinking about leaving. He doesn't know what he's going to do.

Michael G is a dork. And what happened to his thumb? He didn't break it during dodge ball.

Rose ceremony time... started with 13 tonight. One has already gone home. Zak and James have roses. There are only 9 roses to be given away.


  1. Chris
  2. Brooks
  3. Juan Pablo (why does she always have to ask in Spanish?)
  4. Drew
  5. Michael
  6. Ben (there goes Mikey doing the head back and forth thing to crack his neck again)
  7. Kasey
  8. Bryden (he stands there forever and finally says yes)
  9. Mikey

"Zack, I'm sorry. Take a moment to say your goodbyes."

He's shocked. He doesn't know what happened. He's not really to go home yet. Aren't they all?

They are headed to Munich, Germany next week.

Ohhhh, there is some bad yodeling during the previews. James has said that if he plays his cards right, he could be the next Bachelor. Ben is a fraud, Michael G is going to call him out. Go for it! Enough talk! Bring some action!

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