Friday, June 14, 2013

This week on The Bachelorette - this season is so very lame


During the summer, there is such a drought of watchable TV, I guess that is my excuse for watching The Bachelorette. It really is getting dumber by the season.

I would watch the Texas Rangers play, but they are depressing me, and I'm a die hard. Actually, this week I just listened online, then had to listen again to type this.

This week's big group date is playing dodge ball. If that weren't stupid enough, they warmed up against professional dodge ball players. Why is that even a profession? And could the clothes the bachelors played in have been any dumber?

Only one guy had to go to the emergency room, because he broke a finger. Shaggy hair Brooks. Insert dramatic hospital scene where they set his finger. Drama. Drama. Drama.

The team that won the best two out of three rounds got to spend more time with Des. Someone makes a remark about it being down to the end, the bottom of the ninth inning of the World Series, two outs... Another random guy whining about the importance that winning was and how he might miss a chance with Des since he doesn't get to spend enough time with her.

The after party is as dull as one of the single events out at the church building. Oh, except another guy (Brad) admits to having a son. Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he's just trying to get on even ground with Ben. He also admits to a domestic violence charge that got dropped. He wants a rose because he opened up as much as he could. Are you going to hit someone if you don't get it?

Chris goes snooping around and finds a door to the roof where he drags Des off to. He's the one last week that was whining about not getting a date. He gets the rose and another private concert. How many are we going to have this season?

Brooks shows up in his skimpy shorts and red striped knee socks straight from the hospital. AWWW... he's ok. Des was so worried. 

I don't think Kasey aka Hashtag has said "hashtag" since the first episode. While it drove me crazy the first episode, it makes me sad now. And he has got to be the most unattractive guy there. He's odd looking. He gets the one-on-one date card, but before they can go, Des has to confront someone.

Chris Harrison calls her to let her know they need to deal with a situation. It seems Bryan has a girlfriend, and Des sits him down to see if it's like the rap song, "if you're here for the right reasons." The girlfriend comes on set to scream and cry and chew him out. This Stephanie chick is hysterical with her voice a very high octave. He says it was over. She says they were together (if you know what I mean) the week before he came. He said they were on the break (is this an episode of friends). She says he's not an honest person. What is she supposed to tell her son? He says she threw rocks at him. Supposedly they were supposed to get back together the day after filming ends. They scream back and forth for a while. Des kicks his butt to the curb while all the guys are listening inside the house. Security escorts him to get us stuff. He is not allowed to talk to any of the other guys.

Brandon is beside himself because this woman was a single mother and all these loser guys left his mom when hee was young. He's very emotional.

On to Kasey's date. They go dancing on the side of a building. It's kind of a bust. They have dinner on a roof where it is too windy to talk. They get in the pool so they don't have to talk. It's freezing. They get out of the pool and sit on some stairs. She's just bummed the whole day has been a bust, including her mood because of the whole Bryan thing. She calls it the weirdest date ever, but gives him a rose.

The next group date is a group of the guys doing stunts on a western movie set in honor of Disney's release of the new Lone Ranger. Shameless cross promotion. Who cares about their lack of acting skills? Juan Pablo is the best, so they watch the whole movie before anyone else can see it in theaters. Whoopie do.

Afterwards, some of the other guys get to talk to her. Zak talks about how awkward he was trying and failing to kiss her. He's love drunk, but it feels good. James is a big strong man, but not confident, so he gets a rose too. He gives her a daisy in return.

Instead of a cocktail party before the rose ceremony, they have a pool party. Ben is watching for her and sneaks out to get a ride before the party. He wants to make sure he isn't just known for being a dad. Des thinks he's humble and sweet. How humble is he always breaking up everyone's conversations. This makes everyone mad. And I understand why everyone's hating on him. He tells Des that this will be there little secret as he walks back to the house. Then he lies to all the guys that saw him and confront him, especially Mike the Plumber. He says, "I don't kiss and tell."

But the show is called The Bachelorette, not Let's Make Friends.

All the guys get really silly about trying to connect with her. A pizza box with "will you be my girlfriend or is this too cheesy?" in the lid. 

Brandon goes on this depressing road trip about how mad he is that Bryan left this single mom (again) and gets all freaky obsessed like he has been and tells Des he is falling in love with her. They are perfect and meant to be, he says. Uh. Ok. You've known her how long?

Rose ceremony time, thank goodness.

James, Kasey and Chris have the roses from the dates, so they have nothing to worry about.

As for the rest of you...

We're going from 16 to 13 this week. Bryan is already gone.

  1. Bryden
  2. Juan Pablo (she asks him in Spanish... lame)
  3. Zak W (kindergarten all over again with the last initials)
  4. Brooks (with his broken finger, it's a good thing he doesn't have to pin it on himself)
  5. Drew (do we know this guy?)
  6. Zack K
  7. Brad
  8. Michael G (something makes me think he's not straight)
  9. Mikey (he was making some angry faces while waiting - I better get this!)
  10. ....
At this point neither Ben nor Brandon have a rose. There's one more... one is going home. I think Brandon is a psycho, so I'm all about it being him. At the same time, I'm also hating on Ben. Are the producers putting together the order of the rose recipients for the sake of drama? Probalby.

The final rose of the night... when you're ready...

Ben's tie doesn't match his shirt I notice during this long pause. But, color blind or not, he gets the rose.

Brandon is flabergasted. Dan doesn't get a rose either. It's back to selling beer at the ballpark for him (that is a beverage distributor, right?). Dan thinks Ben has duped her.

Brand is actually blown away. He also thinks Ben is a liar. She goes back out to talk to him. He can't believe it. She tells him he's a great guy, just not for her. She just knows there's no chemistry and it's better now than later. "How could you do this?" It's not like he went hometown or anything. He's way too emotionally unstable for this point in the game. I am serious when I say that boy needs some counseling for abandonment issues.

Next week, they go to Atlantic City and 11 of them have a Mr. America pageant. I'm guessing that the other date could be a two-on-one date. They all take about hating Ben in the previews. Yawn. 

Until next week...

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