Monday, August 8, 2016

Not Carly's idea of Paradise, that's for sure. #bachelorinparadise

I should be watching the Olympics. Instead, I'm watching Bachelor in Paradise. Well, at least I can fast forward through all the commercials and sports I am not as interested in when I watch it later.

So, tonight, we start off seeing if Chad actually left after Chris Harrison sent him off. While everyone is cheering his exit (that was deja vu), Chad is throwing a hissy fit. He can't figure out what it is he's going to do with his life after this. He is eating lunch meat on his way out, furnished in the car, of course. He also kicks himself for drinking the first night.

The women whine that Chad leaving does mean one less rose, and now one more girl will go home. More competition arrives. Leah from Ben's season. The twins muse how different she looks. She does. Like unrecognizable. The twins think she is going to bring the tornado of drama. Well, she thinks she and Lace are friends, but Lace disagrees

Leah arrives with a date card. "Leah, it's finally time for your one-on-one. Choose wisely."She immediately asks if anyone knows where Chad is (because they both like protein). That is just all set up because A) how does she know who was there already? B) Even if she knew he would be there at some point, he could be coming later. C) Of course, she would be looking for Chad with Chad having just left. It makes for ironic.

When Leah asks where he is, someone answers, "he's gone."

"Should I go and find him?"

"No, he's like gone, gone."

So, she decides she needs to go around and meet the guys to decide who she wants to ask out. Meanwhile, all the girls on Leah's season (Taylor Swift twins, Amanda and Jubilee) talk about how different she looks, especially her lips. They think she might talk to Nick. There's this fascination with Nick, but I still don't get it. They all get giddy when he comes around as he ends his conversation with Leah.

Nick asks the twins if they really both have scoliosis, and they in return ask if he wants to see their humps. You can't make this stuff up. When Leah comes back around and asks Nick out, Amanda almost cries.

There's a totally unnecessary scene of the twins eating bananas, then Lace whines to Jorge the Bartender that she has no friends and doesn't know who will give her a rose. Lace tries to get Vinny to play wingman for her with Grant. Vinny is like, "do it yourself, but go for it because I think there is something there." Vinny ends up talking to Grant anyway.

Lace goes all needy girl on Grant. It has only been 24 hours even though so much drama has gone on. "You were into me, then you won't talk to me after the whole Chad thing and..."

Off on the date, Leah tires to make a big deal about there being a lot of passion in passion fruit. Whe's trying way too hard as they test the street food vendors, then head out to the beach. Kissy, kissy, yawn. That's it for the date.

Amanda has to Facetime her children. It was really hard for her to come this time and leave her kids. So don't. She calls them to make her day feel better since she's sad that Leah took Nick out.

A date card arrives. "Nick - There are no rules in paradise. Your next date is tonight." Leah thinks she's going on TWO dates in one day. However, Leah gets a shock. He asks Amanda. 

Further proof this show is the most scripted "reality show" ever.

The twins are helping Amanda get ready. Leah comes in saying all her make-up is the same. Leah tells Amanda to quit trying to look like and be her. Leah hangs right by her up until the time Nick arrives. Then, Leah makes fun of her laugh right there in front of her. (Oh her rollercoaster of emotions already.)

On the date, we see more of them actually talking than the earlier date. Nick thinks she has an edge, not just the super sweet girl. Amanda thinks it couldn't be more perfect. Then there is some private time by the fire. 

Meanwhile, Leah is working on her jealousy while contemplating her bad luck. Bad things happen to her. She's crying herself to sleep already.

Oh my goodness it's only 7:39 PM and this forsaken show is going to last until 9:00 PM. I wish I had watched this off the DVR and could fast forward through the commercials.

Sarah is trying to make her move on Vinny which makes Izzy jealous. Meanwhile, Carly and Evan are hanging out musing over people watching as they watch Sarah and Vinny go off. She's also wondering what it would be liked to be kissed by Evan. She wants the masculine, aggressive side of Evan to come out. She wants him to make a move. She tries to force it, so he finally kisses her. She's less than impressed it would seem as she walked away. Evan thought it was incredible. Carly thought it was terrible and wonders how he has two children. She's still attracted to something about him, and she'll sure accept his rose.

Lace is trying to make nice with Grant again. She wants to show him her Chad bruises. Guess Lace is going to start a show with a different guy every night. The go off to a room and she covers the camera. Then the cover falls off. Enough about that!

FINALLY! It's rose ceremony night. All the women claim they feel insecure.

Everyone changes out of their swimsuits for a cocktail party evening. When Chris comes back, it's rose time.

Jubilee takes Jared off to reconnect. "If you give me a rose, I would appreciate it." Jared comes back and Emily takes him off.

How about Vinny? Vinny talks to Izzy, but then Sarah talks to him about last night and wants him to know that he's awesome. There's something he wishes he did last night... kiss her. Izzy comes to break up the party and asks for validation. After guzzling down his drink, he kisses Izzy too. And here I thought he might be a good guy, and I really wanted Sarah to find someone.

Nick is sitting around talking about his pants shrinking in the humidity. Leah takes Nick off. She thinks she has a lot to offer and that she is a better fit long term for Nick. She's very picky, but very serious that she had a good first date. "I know you have been through this a lot of times." "Not a lot, just two."

Nick tries to collect his thoughts. He doesn't look her straight in the eye, so she gets really bossy about, "look me in the eye." Nick tells Leah that he would like to get to know her better, but he is feeling more of a connection with Amanda and that's where he's thinking his rose is going.

Leah decides to go talk to Daniel. She's like an onion with lots of layers, but isn't going to make him cry like an onion. Daniel is like, "would you really go out with me or are you just trying to get my rose?" Leah thinks he's awkward, but doesn't care as long as she gets a rose. Daniel decides it's speed dating night as everyone tries to make a connection in hopes of a rose. He may be most attracted to Sarah though. He's an eagle, and not going to drop to the pigeon level. He wouldn't mind getting him a twin though.

Now, really, it's rose time. Sarah names all but like two women as the most likely to go home. How will it go down? Six men and nine women. However, if one twin gets a rose, they both do. The men are handing out the roses. 

Grant picks Lace. (As Carly says, it would be rude not to after sleeping in the same bed last night.)

Nick chooses Amanda (with an eyeroll from Leah).

Evan is all too happy to give Carly his rose.

Jared goes with Emily, and in turn Haley, leaving Jubilee hanging.

Vinny is about to cause some drama. He chooses Izzy and goes back on my anti- list.

Daniel can choose between Sarah, Leah or Jubilee. He picks Sarah saying it's saving the best for last.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not upset about Jubilee and Leah leave. Jared had a good time, but it wasn't a romantic connection.

Leah looks like an awful hot mess as she rides off in tears. Nick had fun with her, but he didn't see the potential there.

The next day brings new drama with the latest arrivals. The power shifts to the women now.



Next man in is Josh Murray, Andi's former fiance. You know, the former athlete that the bachelorette falls for early on, but it doesn't work out. What happened to Josh and Andi is what I predict will happen with Jordan and JoJo, but that's a whole other thing.

I forgot what all happened with the break-up with Andi, and I'm not sure that I ever heard. I don't hate Josh near as much as I hate others. There will be drama with he and Nick because Josh would have found out what went down on his season between Nick and Andi. Nick's going to be jealous to an extent of Josh.

Josh, of course, arrives with a date card. "I can't believe you are still single. Get to it, your date is today." All of the girls are drooling over his handsomeness. 

He pulls off a twin first, then talks to Izzy. When Josh tells Carly where he is leaning -- towards Amanda -- Carly does tell him that she has been on a date with Nick. That doesn't dissuade him. Josh takes off Amanda to talk. Nick laments over history with Evan who doesn't know Jack about what happened in the past.

Carly believes Nick is just hoping that history doesn't repeat itself again.

Amanda tells Josh about her two daughters. Josh in turn tells Amanda about his baby dog who is now 8 and had cancer so lost a leg. He's not worried about dating the same woman as Nick, by the way. Josh comes up to where Amanda, the twins and Izzy are, and asks Amanda out.

Nick thinks it's all because it was who he went out with the day before. He doubts Josh's intentions. Here comes the Nick we all saw before.

Daniel asks Nick how he feels about Josh taking out his woman. Nick doesn't want to talk about it.

How can these guys stand listening to Amanda's voice?

Josh and Amanda go out on a sailboat. Amanda tells Josh he needs to be nice to her because she is handing out the roses this week.

Nick talks about the book that Andi wrote and what she said about both himself and Josh. He admits that there's lots of truth to what Andi wrote about him (Nick), so has to believe what she said about Josh is true too. Nick describes what Andi said as aggressive and disturbing. Cue Amanda asking Josh about it. He says it's fictional, that what Andi wrote was not true. "God knows the truth and that is all that matters." Amanda trusts Josh and believes he is being genuine and truthful. (#gullible #stupid #really)

Nick is having his poor, poor, pitiful me party back on the beach by himself. He's only attracted to Amanda. Nick tries to work out and bulk up so he can try to workout so he can confront Josh when he returns.

Back at the house, Evan can't find Carly. All he wants to do is ride horses on the beach into the sunset. Carly is in hiding. Carly's brothers told her to stop dating feminine guys because her first boyfriend ended up with a boyfriend. She starts laughing so hard she cries.



Guess who gets the next date card. "Evan, will your love go the distance?"

Poor Carly. She's not sure what to do. She thinks about it a minute, then says, "sure." She's never not wanted to go on a date more in her life. They head out. Evan didn't expect to have feelings about Carly, but he's giddy. Their date finds them at a big event with a crowd. Chris Harrison is there. They are going to have a habanero eating/kissing contest. Poor Carly. They have to eat peppers for 30 seconds, then lip lock for 90 seconds. He's excited. She's horrified.

As they break the world record and pull their lips apart, there's lots of nasty saliva. How is this even a world record category? Afterwards, she throws up for more reasons than one.

On the beach, Jared and Emily talk about their favorite colors and numbers. Emily doesn't want to come on too strong like Ash Kardash last season. Vinnie thinks Jared needs some testosterone injections to get his game on. Emily tries complimenting him to win him over. She freaks out over a bug so he will come to her rescue and she can change positions. He's like a cold fish at this point. She finally swoops in for the kiss though she says it was him. Doubtful. 

Nick whines to Haley about Josh taking Amanda out. When they come back home, Josh makes sure to show Amanda affection in front of Nick. Haley takes Amanda out to talk, leaving Nick and Josh to talk it out. Each want to mark their territory though Josh is more passive aggressive about it one on one. In the group, he's very obvious about kissing Amanda in front of everyone. Josh is loving showing Nick up. 

And that's it for the night... more Josh vs. Nick when it comes to Amanda tomorrow night. Then, Evan wants in!

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