Why I will never be a reality TV superstar

There is one thing I don't have to worry about being in life, and that is a reality TV superstar.

I love Survivor and have watched it since sometime in the second season (can you say Colby?), and then watch what I missed before that on some out there cable channel that showed repeats. But, one thing's for sure. You wouldn't catch me out running around in my underwear, sleeping with the rats, living in muck and camping out for 39 days. Not to mention, I'd get on everyone's nerves on day 1 and my tribe would throw the challenge to vote me off at the first tribal council.

I'm an on again off again watcher of The Amazing Race. I'd love to take a trip all over the world on someone else's dime, but I'd be wanting to take pictures and do the tourist thing. Plus, it never fails, there's a challenge where you have to bungee jump off a building or do something extreme that I wouldn't or couldn't do if my life depended on it. I'm afraid not on that one too.

Then there's Dancing with the Stars. Well, I can neither dance nor am I a star. I don't think I can dance, so that rules out So You Think You Can Dance and Super Stars of Dance (which I still think was the biggest bust ever).

#1 I'm too old now, #2 I can't sing and #3 even if I were not too old, I would not choose not embarrass myself like a number of people do, so American Idol is out. As is Nashville Star and You Can Duet (did anyone else catch that one?). I'd just strike out on Don't Forget the Lyrics because I don't know enough in a number of genres.

I don't even have a weird talent, so out goes America's Got Talent. (Even though I had seen Terry Fator in "the Can" years before he became big with Winston the Turtle.)

I don't see me getting chosen to be the next Bachelorette and I am not floosy enough--nor do I want to make out with some guy in a hot tub whose made out with 24 other girls in the past 48 hours--so out goes the Batchelor.

With no husband on the horizon, Bridezilla, Say Yes to the Dress and Rich Bride, Poor Bride are all out. And goodness knows I'm way behind and have no desire to have 17 Kids and Counting or be a part of anyone Plus 8.

I may be short, but I'm not short enough to be on Little People, Big World. I don't think I dress quite bad enough to be nominated for What Not to Wear, but I hope I didn't just give anyone any ideas.

Since I do want to be a homeowner someday, I guess I'll have to hold out for Property Virgins. Goodness knows I could stand to be on The Biggest Loser, but Jillian would beat me to a pulp because I'd be a huge crying wimp. She would want to get to the root of my problems...

So, anyone else have a show that I won't become a superstar on?