Epic crackpot fail

You know, auto correct is pitifully sad. I was posting from my phone on Facebook yesterday, and auto correct changed crockpot to crackpot. I guess because it's actually crock pot (two words) vs. crackpot (one word). Regardless, my latest cooking experiment was AWFUL.

Next thing I know, Klout will think I'm influential in crackpots.

Let me just say that I will NEVER EVER make potato soup again. At least I have no intentions to.

After pinning a few recipes on Pinterest, I picked one that could cook in the crockpot for a while vs. some others that were more hands on in that you couldn't let it cook on it's own. However, this was a long, drawn out mess.

I picked a recipe and bought all the ingredients a couple of weeks ago. Sunday night, I decided to cut up the 5 pounds of potatoes to make the full recipe figuring it would be good enough to share with my parents. Alright, all good. I spent probably an hour cutting up potatoes after washing and re-rinsing them since I decided they were still dirty. Thankfully, the recipe said to not peel them. Hallelujah.

I also cut up a whole onion that made my entire house smell like onion all night.

And yesterday, while it was in the crock pot, the house smelled like onions all day long. And made my eyes water as the smell drafted into my office. And as the potatoes cooked in chicken broth, I just craved Thanksgiving food.

Ok, I know this part is boring. Here's the part you can just imagine.

So, you're supposed to use an immersion blender to blend cream cheese into the potato mixture to make it creamy. I'll also throw in here that instead of putting garlic into the potatoes, for half of cream cheese you are supposed to put in, I used garlic cooking cream cheese. Possible huge mistake. Thankfully, I just did it with half.

I didn't have an immersion blender, so I used my blender as suggested as an alternative. If you blended half, you could mix it back in. Except I only have like a 2 cup blender to make smoothies. So I had to keep spooning out, burning my hand with hot chicken broth to get it into the blender. Then spoon in some cream cheese and blend. Then pour it into a pitcher so that I could spoon some more and do it all over again. I was making blended mashed potatoes and pouring into a pitcher. I finally threw part of the cream cheese in the crockpot to melt and then poured my pitch of mashed potatoes back into the mix.

Let me add here that my crock pot was probably small for the recipe. Then, the blended mashed potatoes and a greater volume than before they were blended. So, when I poured it all back in, it was practically overflowing the crock pot.

And all the cream cheese wasn't melting, so it was chunky and looked nasty chunky. It looked TERRIBLE. I mean terrible. Well, here, look at it.

And I had a mess. Mashed potatoes running all down the blender. Stuck to the sides of the pitcher. Oozing from the crockpot.

And then, the taste. I don't like garlic mashed potatoes, but I had runny garlic mashed potatoes by the time it all mixed together.

I melted enough cheese in it to make it edible, threw some green onions and bacon on top. Bacon has to make it better right?

Last night, I thought it was ok. Not great, but ok. At least it looks good here, right?

Today at lunch, I made myself eat another bowl. Instead of runny garlic mashed potatoes, because of all the chicken broth that congealed, I had a big nasty mass of greasy garlic mashed potatoes with sickening consistency.

I literally had to choke it down because in my mind, I had to eat more of all this I made as to not go to waste.

So after I forced down my lunch, not 30 minutes later, an author sent me a guest post about making creamed onions. I was semi-sick before, but the thought of creamed onions (no offense to the author at all) on top of my nasty soup almost made me lose my lunch. I've never eaten creamed onions, but it sounds horrible given my creamed potatoes and onions in the crock pot.

I told her I thought the article would work ok, but she asked if I would like another topic. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her how grossed out I was at the moment - the reason behind my less than enthusiastic response - the fact I was just plain out sick. It had nothing to do with her post, it was all to do with my lack of cooking skills.

Now, because I would not force these leftovers on the kids next door, I have to send it down the garbage disposal one ladle at a time so that I don't end up clogging the drain and having a bigger mess.

The next time I want potato soup, which will not be anytime in the near future given what a pain this has been, I will go to Cotton Patch or Chili's. I'll end up cheaper with less mess and better soup.

No joke, I'm getting sick again thinking about it.

Epic fail. I need to submit this to the Pinterest fail website. If I could find it again.


Bless your heart. Things like that are no fun.

Be sure to squirt plenty of dishwashing liquid down the disposal so the fat doesn't congeal in the pipes.

Audra Jennings said…
I almost got sick at the smell as the garbage disposal glopped and glorped it down.
Thomas said…