It'd be funny, if it weren't so creepy

Monday night, there wasn't anything on TV late, and I was watching a repeat of something on TLC. I think I was watching 101 Kids and Counting (sorry, got my Duggars and Dalmatians confused). Anyway, as one show rolled into another, I ended up watching Toddlers and Tiaras for the first time ever.

I always knew pageant people were peculiar and a bit obsessive, but, oh my...

This particular episode featured the Chittlin' Strut, an annual tradition in a small town in South Carolina. The director of said pageant introduced the event by explaining what a Chittlin' was. In case you weren't aware of the exact definition, a chittlin' is a three foot piece of pig intestine. However, it is not a requirement to eat chittlins if you win, but it would be really good if you did.

OK. Here's my first question. Why name a beauty pageant, and one that was stated several times to be a GLAMOUR pageant, after a piece of pig intestine?

But, even though it was a glamour pageant, they were looking for inward and outward beauty. They never did anything to show their inward beauty, so that seemed like a pretty dumb statement. And how do you judge inward beauty in the 0-12 month category anyway?

The commentary was just plain stupid. "This is Madison. She is eighteen months old and wants to be the center of attention when she grows up. Her favorite foods are bananas and chicken."

"This is Sarah. Sarah is five years old and enjoys chicken nuggets." Seriously, one of the lines was, "she enjoys chicken nuggets."

The preparation is insane. I'm really quite surprised that the 7 year old that was missing a front tooth didn't have a fake one to plug in.

They showed one girl in the 10-12 year old bracket that had her stylist (who would be styled by her, I have no idea) come over to spray tan her and to her eyebrows. Her mom was making her use teeth whitening strips and kept telling her, "you're a big girl, you can handle it." She also had a coach (a totally blonde airhead) that showed her this most ridiculous walk for sportswear. RIDICULOUS, I tell you. That girl one the photogenic, best hair, best eyes and Miss Chittlin' Strut in her age group. I think there was one more award in her group that she swept. There were only 4 or 5 girls, but she won everything.

One of the other girls in her group was not very pretty, and her parents were quite pushy. However, her dad gave up some of his golf games to pay for the pagents. She didn't have a coach, but her mom thinks she's going to have to have one now. Her mom did a bad job styling her because her sequined knit shirt that she wore over leggings was quite a strange choice for the "sportswear" portion of the competition.

Sportswear was a very strange description for all of these outfits. I don't know what these people were thinking. Way too much big hair and sequins. And hats. No one would ever wear these outfits anywhere. They actually looked like clothes that 45 year old women would wear in their Glamour Shots from 1989. No joke.

A mother of one of the girls, it was one of the ones above that were in the 10-12 year old group, had to practice walking in her heels by vaccuuming the floor. Evidently, as you move up in age group, your heels must increase in direct proportion. I think she was just making her daughter do housework, but supposedly, you don't really learn how to walk in higher heels unless you do so by vaccuuming (I don't think that is spelled right, but spellcheck didn't catch it).

The creepiest part of all of this insanity, and there was plenty of insanity, was they interviewed one of the girls uncles. He says, "When she is up on stage she is just gorgeous. She looks older than she's supposed to, but she's GORGEOUS." Uh, creepy uncle.

I did find myself laughing, but I don't think I will be watching the show again. It was just too much.


Unknown said…
You are right about the sportswear competition. I haven't watched the show but I have seen commericals for the show. The sportswear reminds me of somehting the Golden Girls would have worn on a cruise! What little girl dreams of the title Lil Miss Chitlin???
Audra Krell said…
Thanks for this hilarious, albeit sad look into pageant life. As the mother of three boys, I have never had to set foot near one of these fiascos.....
Rose Casell said…
that show makes me sad. . . and drives me nuts!
Chuckles McGee said…
I cannot for the life of me understand how this does not fit into some sort of child pornography or abuse. It's just as exploitive and gross. There's no need for an 8 year old to get fake tans, fake nails and highlights. I used to watch a lot of TLC show but once they put this one on, I don't watch the network so much.